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Watch The Rebound
Copyright (c) 2007-2012 Kathy Stafford, All Rights Reserved
Just about every man has been in the position where a woman that he's been interested in is finally available. It'll usually happen right after the girl has broken up with someone and she's dealing with losing either a serious or even a semi-serious relationship. All of a sudden she's out there again, and the first thing you want to do is make your move, before anyone else beats you to it. I know you want to be the first one in line, but I have some advice for you.
Don't do it.
The odds are if you go in too soon, you're going to wind up as nothing more than a short-term affair. If your intentions are to be with this girl for the long-term, you need to understand what she's going through and act accordingly.
When a girl leaves a serious relationship, it's natural that her ego is going to be bruised and she's going to be feeling insecure. Now, how is she going to deal with that? The same way most men deal with it – she's going to go out and prove that she's still attractive to the opposite sex.
This is called the "rebound romance." You don't want to get involved with this kind of relationship. This kind of relationship rarely lasts very long and is only there to boost her ego and confirm that she's still desirable to men.
She may not do it intentionally, but her interest in having a new romance will only last long enough for her to get her feet under her and to get back on solid ground. Once she feels secure in who she is again, she'll usually end the romance and look for someone that she can make a real romantic connection with. Now, you might ask yourself, "But isn't it possible that she'll turn the rebound romance into a permanent one?" and the answer is that it's highly unlikely.
Think about every rebound romance that you've ever been in or witnessed and ask yourself how long they have lasted.
Probably not very long at all.
So what can you do when you find yourself wanting a girl who's just broken up with her serious boyfriend? You need to play it cool.
Don't hit on her when it's first over. Instead, just be there for her. She'll probably want to vent over what happened and she'll need a shoulder to cry on. That's fine. Make sure that you're there for her. She's may be feeling sorry for herself. Having someone to talk to and assure her that she's still a great person to be with is what she will need.
Take her out for a quiet meal or a drink, and keep it very casual. She'll appreciate not having any pressure, and you'll be keeping others away from her during this period.
Then, you can gradually start to make changes to the relationship. Let her know that her ex was a total fool and that if he can't see all that she has to offer, the man needs to have his head examined. At this stage, you can hold her hand a little more, make some subtle gestures, but don't get too serious too soon. Let the relationship naturally happen.
Be careful that you don't fall into the trap of being "her best friend." When she starts to think of you that way, you might find that all of a sudden, she doesn't want to risk losing her friend as well as her former boyfriend, and so the relationship can't progress any further. The way to handle that is to make sure that you're not her sole support system. If you're the only one she turns to in times of crisis, she's not going to want to risk losing you by getting involved with you romantically. That's why it's important to let her girlfriends be there for her when she needs them as well.
In the end, if you're the guy who gets her on the rebound, it's a pretty safe bet that you won't be the guy she's going to be with a couple of months down the road.
Kathy Stafford, Relationship Coach, "I show singles how to get married and couples how to STAY married" Do you want more from your relationship? Go to http://www.dearkathy.com for relationship articles, advice, and programs.
Get Kathy's new book, "Relationship Remorse: Mistakes Women Make When Shopping for a Man." and learn the right way to find a loving and committed life-partner. Order the book at http://www.relationshipremorse.com
Copyright (c) 2007 Kathy Stafford / dearkathy.com. All rights reserved.
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