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The Real Reason Success Is So Elusive (Hint: It's not fear of success.)
Copyright (c) 2007-2022 Mark Silver
(See This Article in its Original Format.)
I'm guessing you spend a certain amount of time daydreaming...
Daydreaming of what it will be like when you hit 'the big time.' When your finances are really abundant. When you become well-known in your field. When you make that next big step, whatever it is.
Dreams of lolling around on silk sheets with peeled grapes and fizzy drinks. Dreams of giving away as generously as you've always wanted to. Dreams coming true.
Why are those dreams so elusive?
Comfort is the problem.
Living those dreams seems so... comfortable, doesn't it? Having all you need, an abundant generosity, and so forth. Living the good life, you would think, is very comfortable.
But, it's not. At least not at first.
How can that be? Well, let's look at what comfort is. Merriam-Webster defines comfort, in part, as "Contented well-being. A satisfying or enjoyable experience."
For most of us, contented well-being, or a satisfying or enjoyable experience has to do with familiarity. When things are familiar, we tend to be more comfortable. The more unfamiliar things get, the less comfortable we become.
Get into a situation that's very unfamiliar, and you can end up feeling panicked, overwhelmed, disoriented. Don't believe me?
Not all parties are fun.
Let's say you're invited to a party. And you get dressed up in the best you have. But, when you show up, everyone is dressed even better. Black tie, tuxedos, evening gowns. Caviar everywhere. What's more, you don't really know anyone.
Would you have what it takes to stand on the threshold of that party, see all the tuxedos, the unfamiliar faces, to look down at yourself as underdressed, and still walk in?
I bet that you could muster up what it takes. But I'm also betting that you'd feel uncomfortable, not having fun, until you found someone you liked in a comfortable corner, and started to settle down.
As human beings, we can only handle so much unfamiliarity, before the adrenalin overwhelms us, and we start to shut down.
Success is uncomfortable.
If you have goals you are wanting to reach, then, by definition, you aren't there yet. You live in your life as it is now, and your daydreams, your successful life is somewhere else. Maybe even somewhere you've never been.
It's unfamiliar territory. Which means, by definition, that it's uncomfortable.
Personal success story: Fear and overwhelm.
You can ask my mastermind group what happened to me when Heart of Business started flying financially. Joy and celebration? Easy street?
No way, Jose. A strange, unnerving feeling in my belly and my chest. Disorienting. An inclination to sob at times, without knowing exactly why.
It took a couple of months to re-orient, and feel comfortable in our new surroundings.
How do you get up the nerve to enter the success party?
Well, a Sufi teaching leads the way. Read:
Keys to Success
* Sufi teaching: The ego clings to comfort. The heart seeks truth.
It's tempting to believe that if it's comfortable, then you're on your path. But if you're attached to feeling comfortable, you may not get yourself into the party.
For you, it may be more comfortable to forget the fancy party and go get a hamburger. Don't do this- go into the party, even if you're uncomfortable!
People go get the hamburger all the time. If your business has a month where a lot more money than you're used to comes in, watch for your tendency to spend it quickly, on things you can't even remember.
That kind of spending brings you back down to what you're used to: not having as much, which, despite how uncomfortable that can be, it has the trump card: the comfort of being familiar.
See if you notice any impulsive moves you make to cling to comfort, that move you away from success.
* How to tell truth.
Think of something challenging that you've accomplished lately, something that just 'felt right' to do. Something that took courage, or effort.
Take a moment and feel the effort and the struggle that you put into accomplishing it. Then, take a moment and ask to feel in your heart the truth of the situation.
Truth has a timeless quality that goes beyond the action or accomplishment in the moment. You can find a subtle settled feeling of 'rightness' in your heart, despite the struggle.
In moments of struggle or discomfort, take time with your heart to see if that 'rightness' is present. If it is, keep going. If it isn't, maybe you can stop struggling.
* Knowing when you need comfort.
If you spend too much time out of your comfort zone, your ability to grow and learn becomes impaired, as you go into overwhelm. Without comfort, true healing isn't possible. Luckily, there are ways to get comfort, without veering from the truth.
In the fancy party, you can take a break by going out into the garden alone, or going into the bathroom. This will give you a chance to catch your breath, and to take assurance that you do belong here- just look at your handwritten invitation! ;)
On your way to business 'success,' however you define it, if you notice yourself starting to panic or freak out, don't go running out and get the hamburger. Instead take a bathroom break.
First let yourself be conscious of your need for comfort, and take a moment to ask your heart, "What will help to comfort and soothe me, without taking me away from truth?"
Whatever you get, do that until the comfort comes in and you can calm down.
Ahhh... now, to continue on your way to success. The best to you and your business,
Mark Silver
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Mark Silver is the author of Unveiling the Heart of Your Business: How Money, Marketing and Sales can Deepen Your Heart, Heal the World, and Still Add to Your Bottom Line. He has helped hundreds of small business owners around the globe succeed in business without losing their hearts. Get three free chapters of the book online: http://www.heartofbusiness.com
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Top-Level Category: Self Improvement Articles
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