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Knowing When To Move On
Copyright (c) 2007-2012 Kathy Stafford, All Rights Reserved
Most of us have been in enough relationships to understand that during the initial stages, we're not seeing the other person for who they really are – and the person we're with isn't really seeing us, either. When we first start dating someone, there's this kind of "perfect" relationship that we find ourselves in, and we don't even notice there are any cracks in the foundation until we've moved further along.
Naturally, it's important to realize that just as we're not presenting who we really are when we're first in a relationship, the person that we're with probably isn't showing us their true selves, either. That's only natural. When we're first involved with someone, we want to come across as wonderful as is humanly possible. We put our best foot forward and try to impress them.
The reason for this hinges on security. When we first start dating someone, there's no real security there. It's only as time moves on, as we feel more comfortable with the other person, that we start to let our guard down – and they start to let theirs down, as well.
When the masks start to come off you will start to see the real person. That's when the little quirks and flaws start to show up. Now you're going to have to decide on just what you're willing to live with and what flaws are just totally unacceptable. Keep in mind that you're not perfect either. So before you decide to get too wrapped up with certain elements, make sure that you're not going overboard.
Some elements can be negotiable, but others are not. Once you decide which are not and determine that those are being met, you can begin to work on the ones that are.
Keep in mind that if there's something that's completely unacceptable, you can talk things over with your girlfriend. She might be willing to change, and you might want to give her that chance. Remember that saying she's going to change isn't quite the same thing as actually changing. We all know that words are cheap, and it's really actions that are going to matter in cases like this. You might find that just seeing some acceptable movement on her part is enough to make things easier on you, and from there, a compromise might well turn out to be workable.
Once you've talked things over, you can re-evaluate the relationship and find out whether or not you think it's going to work. You might discover that even though she said she was going to change, she really hasn't put forth much of an effort, and that might lead to the relationship coming to an end. Then again, you might find that she's really worked hard to keep the relationship going, and that will color how you view the entire situation.
What your relationship needs is commitment from both of you. If the two of you want to make the relationship work, you both must be willing to compromise. And, if one or the other of you isn't willing to compromise and isn't willing to change in order to make the relationship work, then it might well be time for you to consider moving on.
Kathy Stafford, Relationship Coach, "I show singles how to get married and couples how to STAY married" Do you want more from your relationship? Go to http://www.dearkathy.com for relationship articles, advice, and programs.
Get Kathy's new book, "Relationship Remorse: Mistakes Women Make When Shopping for a Man." and learn the right way to find a loving and committed life-partner. Order the book at http://www.relationshipremorse.com
Copyright (c) 2007 Kathy Stafford / dearkathy.com. All rights reserved.
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Top-Level Category: Society Articles
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