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Uncovering The Hidden Activities of The Cheating Spouse
Copyright (c) 2009-2023 Donny Prentice
(See This Article in its Original Format.)
If you suspect a spouse of cheating, chances are really good that your instincts are correct. It is not uncommon for friends and family to attempt to dismiss your suspicions as an overactive imagination.
Unless you have "control" issues - a desire and inability to control another person - then you should always trust your instincts. I do know that people, who suffer "control" issues, often suffer from low self-esteem and have insecurity issues. It has also been my observation that many people who are "control freaks" are usually the first to stray from a marriage, and their concern about a spouse is often the result of a guilty conscience.
You know, better than a stranger ever would, if you are suspicious of another due to a guilty conscience or for other reasons.
Understanding The Reasons For Your Suspicions
Most often, when a spouse begins to suspect the other is cheating, it is because they have detected some hidden activities or expenditures.
When a husband is going out with the guys or a wife is going out with the girls, and neither the guys nor girls are ever identified by name, then chances are that there is some kind of activity that is being hidden from a spouse.
If your spouse is going out with friends, but will not say whom the friends are or where they are going, there is good reason to suspect a hidden activity. If you press for details and details are not forthcoming, then there is something afoot that is being hidden.
Most cheaters know that their friends do not want to lie for them, so he never says that he is going out with Jeff or Dan, and she will not say that she is going out with Lucy or Janet.
When asked where he is going, he might say he is going to shoot pool, but he will never say where he is planning to shoot pool. She might say that she is going out for a drink with the girls, but she will never say where she is going to get that drink.
Why are the details of the evenings' activities being hidden? Simple enough. If he or she offers details about an activity, then you could check up on their story and catch them in a lie.
A spouse committed to a relationship is not interested in hiding anything from anyone.
Hidden Spending
Hidden expenses generally fall the same way. If you notice an odd expenditure that a spouse is unwilling to explain with much detail, then the spouse may be trying to hide something. Not always though - so be careful here. There was a time when I had an expenditure that I sought to hide from my spouse. She was really annoyed by me spending $200 and not telling her why I spent the money. But when our anniversary arrived, all was forgiven.
Most cheaters pay for their extracurricular activities with cash, but the brazen cheater will spend money on a debit card or credit card. Here it is important to pay attention to changes in spending habits. If he or she is suddenly spending more money than usual at places where money has never been spent before, then something may be afoot.
Even if spending cash, you can keep track of amount of money being spent by your spouse. You have an idea of how much cash your spouse carries, and will be able to note when your spouse suddenly needs more money to carry than usual.
When cash is running short, most people will sit down and draw out their budget to see where they are spending money. If you find yourself short on cash, and you wonder what your spouse is doing with all of that money, sit down and draw up a budget sheet, to get an idea of how much money they cannot or will not account for to you.
Time And Money
As a general rule, the easiest way to expose a cheat is by monitoring time and money. If there are any gaps in either time or money, seek an explanation. If an explanation comes, seek details.
Fewer verifiable details should generally be viewed as suspicious. If you know who his or her friends are, call his friends when he or she is "out with friends". By calling and asking to speak with him or her, you will know which friends he or she is not with that evening. Through a process of elimination, you can get closer to the truth.
You don't want to be seen as checking up on them, so make sure you have a real "reason" to call and talk to him or her.
If he or she has his or her own cell phone, calling the friends could backfire on you, so do be careful.
Other Ideas To Catch A Cheater
If you have discretionary income, you might be able to invest in GPS tracking tools that can be placed somewhere inside of your spouse's car, and with today's technology, you can monitor most any GPS tracking tools on the Internet.
A quick search on Google for "spy tools" will tip you off to a full range of technology and products that can be used to "spy" on your spouse and catch a cheat in the act.
If you don't want to do the dirty work yourself, you can always hire a private investigator to help you find the evidence of a cheating spouse. If you are interested in using a private investigator, visit our website to find information about an infidelity investigator, who specializes in catching cheaters in the online and offline world.
Never Tip Your Hand Until You Have The Goods
The final advice I wish to pass on is that you should never ever tip your hand that you are suspicious, until which time you have proof that will stand up in a court of law.
Having a cheating spouse will always encourage the judge to take your side in a court of law. But accusations of cheating are not enough to sway a judge into your favor - you need proof. So it is essential to get proof, before your cheating spouse realizes that you are suspicious of him or her.
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