|
Article Directory
|
+ Authors
+ Articles
|
|
|
|
Stuck In Life? Stop Asking This Question
Copyright (c) 2007-2012 Bonnie McFarland
(See This Article in its Original Format.)
DON'T ASK WHY
"Why?" seems like a good question, doesn't it? I certainly used to think so. I've asked "Why?" often in my life so I must have thought it was a good question. Or maybe I never had thought about it or noticed what happened when I asked that particular question.
Over time, I've gone from the questions of a toddler (Why is the sky blue?) to the questions of a child (Why did my dog die?) to the questions of an adult ("Why did that man break up with me?). "Why?" used to be one of my favorite questions. Not any more.
A few years ago someone offered me a very different perspective on "Why?" I started paying attention to what happened when I asked myself or others this simple question. I noticed that "Why?" was very seldom a useful question. In fact, I discovered it was often a question that worked against me. Now I do my best to not ask myself or others "Why?"
Why Not Ask Why?
In your internal conversations, are you asking yourself "Why?" on a regular basis? Why do I want that? Why am I feeling depressed? Why can't I be satisfied with the job I have? Why can't I figure out what I want in life? Why did I say that?
Though you may not realize it, (I certainly didn't!) there's a judgment implied in the question. "Why?" is really more like "What's the matter with me?" or "Why can't I be different than I am?"
When you ask yourself "Why?" you experience (subtly or not so subtly) one or more of the following:
You're in your head: analyzing, trying to figure out the answer. Even if you don't know (and much of the time we truly don't know the "real reason" we're thinking, saying, doing, or wanting something) you'll do your best to come up with an answer. Even if you have to make it up!
You hear the implied judgment and so you start down that road. You criticize or blame yourself. You rationalize. You justify. You feel defensive, bad, wrong, or wronged.
Your energy is drained.
Rarely, rarely, rarely do you get an answer to "Why?" that helps you move forward. More likely, asking "Why?" will get you stuck and off track. It takes your focus away from where you're going and how to get there, leaving you circling around in your mind. Asking "Why?" stops you. It gets in the way of creating more of what you truly want.
I have seen this with clients when they discover something that lights them up. They immediately start asking "Why do I want that?" or "Why does that light me up?" "Why?" is truly an unanswerable question when it comes to what lights you up and your passions. They simply are what they are.
More useful questions at this point would be "What does that look like?" and "What could I do to have more of that in my life?" and "What small step could I take towards that?"
(You may be wondering about asking "Why?" of others or them asking it of you. It has the same effects! It doesn't work well in those situations either.)
"Why?" is useful for scientific inquiries (and perhaps in therapy). However, it doesn't help us create happy, fulfilling, passionate lives with warm, loving relationships. And isn't some version of that what we all want?
What Else Can You Do?
If you take "Why?" out of your vocabulary, what in the world do you say or do instead?
* One option is to just notice. If you want something, if you light up about something, if you're passionate about something, if someone does something you don't like, accept that is what is. Trying to find out why is just a distraction.
* Another option is to ask different questions. Rather than "Why?" ask questions that expand, questions that look forward. For example:
What can I do next?
What do I love about this?
What will help me to create that?
What do I want to do now?
What can I learn from this?
What do I really want in this situation?
What's the lesson here?
How can I do something different the next time?
Who could help me with this?
In Your Life
I do believe you'll find not asking "Why?" to be very helpful. It's a small shift that can make a big difference. Here's how you can start to play with this idea.
1) Check it out for yourself. Notice what happens when you ask yourself or others "Why?"
Can you sense a subtle or not so subtle judgment in the question? How does this question affect you and your energy? What does it do to your ability to take action toward what you truly want? How does it impact your interactions with others?
You don't have to do anything different yet. Just see for yourself how this question works or doesn't work in your life.
2) Now try experimenting with some alternatives. When you catch yourself asking or getting ready to ask "why?" make a different choice, such as I suggested in "What Else Can You Do?" Notice what happens when you say or do something different.
3) If you like what happens when you don't ask why, make a commitment to drop "Why?" from your vocabulary. Over time, this will be easier and easier to do.
If you want to get unstuck. . . If you want to move forward in your life . . . If you want to have more ease and fun along life's journey . . stop asking "Why?" I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the results.
Enjoy!
|
Bonnie McFarland works with women at midlife who are restless, stuck, or dissatisfied and wondering what to do with the rest of their lives. Her e-book, "What Lights You Up? Your Guide to Pleasure, Passion, and Purpose in Life," as well as "Light Matters," her ezine with tips and tools for getting more of what you truly want, are both available free. It's quick and easy to get these resources; just go to Your Guide To Pleasure, Passion and Purpose In Life http://www.labellavia.com
|
Follow "The Phantom Writers" on Twitter
(@phantomwriters)
to be notified when new articles are made available.
VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
Needs Work >>
0 -
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
5
<< Excellent Article
Tell our authors what you think about their article.
|
Top-Level Category: Self Improvement Articles
10 Most Recent Articles Written by Bonnie McFarland
Three Keys To Successful Change
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-08-07 |
Word Count: 1146 |
Page Views: 1408
| Votes: 4 |
Rating: 2.75
Is there a change you've wanted to make in your life but somehow
haven't been able to? This article offers three critical keys
for making important, positive changes in your life.
How To Calm Yourself In Stressful Situations
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-07-17 |
Word Count: 859 |
Page Views: 1480
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.00
Do you ever have moments or experiences that stress and upset
you? This article helps you develop a simple, 'quick emergency'
response to calm yourself so you can deal more effectively with
the situation.
What Kind Of Difference Are You Making?
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-05-30 |
Word Count: 996 |
Page Views: 1343
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 2.43
You want to make a difference and the truth is you DO. But what
KIND of difference are you making? This article shows you how to
be sure the difference you make is a positive one.
Discover What You Really Want: Ask This Question
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-04-13 |
Word Count: 893 |
Page Views: 1295
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 3.40
Are you wanting something more, something different, something
new in your life but aren't clear about what that would be? This
article offers a simple way to discover what you truly want, a
crucial first step in creating more of the pleasure, passion, and
purpose you long for in life.
To Do List Draining You? How to Brighten Up the Tasks You Dread
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-04-03 |
Word Count: 845 |
Page Views: 1054
| Votes: 4 |
Rating: 4.25
Something on your to do list you dread doing? That drains your
energy like a vampire? Here's a way to lighten and brighten
those dull, draining tasks. And maybe even have a little fun with
them!
Are You Focusing On What You Truly Want?
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-03-27 |
Word Count: 823 |
Page Views: 1074
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 3.33
Are you feeling stuck, dissatisfied, confused, or unhappy? This
article shows you how to focus on what you want -- rather than on
what you don't want - so that you can create the pleasure,
passion, and purpose in life that you long for.
Use Gratitude To Improve Your Attitude
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-03-16 |
Word Count: 917 |
Page Views: 1093
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 2.67
Would you be willing to invest five minutes of your time each day in order to be happier?
This article shows you a simple way to increase your happiness, energy level,
satisfaction in life, and much more!
Finding Passion and Purpose - How to Uncover Your Hidden Clues
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-03-08 |
Word Count: 1050 |
Page Views: 1100
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 2.67
Longing for more passion and purpose? Not sure where or how to
find them? Maybe you're overlooking some hidden clues. Here's a
fun and easy way to uncover and explore your passions.
Healthy Selfishness: Putting Yourself at the Top of Your To Do List
Written by: Bonnie McFarland |
Distributed: 2007-03-01 |
Word Count: 649 |
Page Views: 1438
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 2.60
Does self care seem selfish to you? What if taking care of
yourself was actually the best foundation for everything else you
want to do in your life? Here's a way to get the most impact
from the time you take for self care.
All of Author's Articles on this site: Bonnie McFarland Articles
Most Recent "Self Improvement" Articles
How To Avoid The Pitfalls, Wrong Turns, Broken Hearts Of Online Dating
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-17 |
Word Count: 657 |
Page Views: 1464
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.40
As an experienced online dater, I feel qualified to help you avoid
pitfalls, wrong turns, broken hearts, and the general
catastrophes associated with internet wooing. Read on as I
examine many of the pitfalls of online dating and how to avoid
them...
Getting Past First Base In The Dating Game
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-11 |
Word Count: 947 |
Page Views: 627
Dates are supposed to be fun, right? And there are questions
burning holes in your gut, on your first meeting? This
ice-breaker has worked well for me in the past.
Are All Online Dating Profiles Faked? Get the Facts
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-09 |
Word Count: 944 |
Page Views: 1346
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 4.20
Most of us have dated at least offline, and some of us have dated
online. Either way, online dating can be a good experience for
each one of us - if we don't let the bad outshine the good. This
article will help you identify fake online profiles, so that you
can improve upon your online dating experience.
'Limitless' Has Wisdom
Written by: Paul Kyriazi |
Distributed: 2011-09-16 |
Word Count: 1145 |
Page Views: 588
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 5.00
Want the brain power of Eddie in 'Limitless'? We in the real
world can't access that much brain power, but with the right
tools and clarity of mind on our part, we can have tons of
information ready to use, if only we make the decision to do so.
How to Eliminate Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Written by: Dr Jeannette Kavanagh |
Distributed: 2011-09-12 |
Word Count: 895 |
Page Views: 372
The fact that you can't explain why you feel so terrified is
often the most upsetting, but there are ways you can learn to
learn how to send those fears packing.
Take The Dating Scene One Step At A Time, After Divorce
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2011-08-31 |
Word Count: 567 |
Page Views: 1088
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 4.00
After divorce, the word "dating" scares a lot of people.
If you've been married a long time you probably have lost
track of all the unwritten rules or even how to go about
meeting new eligible people. Many people immediately take
off for the clubs thinking that that is the place they are
going to meet someone. You may meet someone there, but it
depends on what you are looking for. But, if you are looking
for more, this article will help you find your way...
Online Dating Is Easy, But Successful Relationships Require Hard Work
Written by: Denice Ritter |
Distributed: 2011-08-25 |
Word Count: 564 |
Page Views: 1051
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 4.00
My nineteenth anniversary will be here in a week and a half.
So what's so exceptional about that in Mormon Utah? Just
this: I have a mail-order husband. He has a mail-order
bride. In those days, there was no Internet, and therefore,
there was no such thing as online dating. I had to do it the
hard way...
Increase Your Online Dating Success By Including The Most Appropriate Photos
Written by: Kandice Skaggs |
Distributed: 2011-08-18 |
Word Count: 599 |
Page Views: 1081
| Votes: 2 |
Rating: 4.50
Because so many people are using dating sites now, it is
hard to stand out in a crowd. You need to get the other
viewers' attention in less than 10 seconds. You have to
grab it. Because people are so visual, a photo is essential.
Tips For Building a Successful Long Distance Relationship
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2011-08-16 |
Word Count: 731 |
Page Views: 1292
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.07
From time to time, life will hand you a twist, and you will be
required to move from one place to another - this can be the
result of a job transfer, leaving home to attend college, or any
of a number of other reasons. When you move from one town to
another, it is not always possible to bring your partner with
you, and this sometimes leads to the formation of a long distance
relationship (LDR).
Tips To Help You Spot and Avoid Online Dating Scams
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2011-08-11 |
Word Count: 1082 |
Page Views: 1466
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 2.67
When seeking romance on the Internet, you should be aware of the
many scammers that are seeking to victimize those looking for
love.
Most Viewed "Self Improvement" Articles
Fill-In-The-Blank Bio Templates to Write Your Personal or Professional Bio
Written by: Barbra Sundquist |
Distributed: 2008-04-17 |
Word Count: 654 |
Page Views: 27953
| Votes: 110 |
Rating: 2.49
It's not hard to write a personal or professional bio when you
use the fill-in-the-blank bio templates provided in this article.
All you have to do is choose one or two sentences from each of
the four categories and add your details. The result will be a
first-rate personal or professional bio.
Making Women Lust For You
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-10-29 |
Word Count: 566 |
Page Views: 19410
| Votes: 74 |
Rating: 1.69
Ways to be the man women will lust for. Offers suggestions on how
to improve your physical image as well as your personality to
make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex.
Why Is Failure The Steppingstone To Success?
Written by: Kent Jacobson a.k.a. Mr. Success |
Distributed: 2007-06-07 |
Word Count: 156 |
Page Views: 12257
| Votes: 132 |
Rating: 1.80
The pervasive misperception is that failure is somehow bad for
you. I think failure is just the opposite and have identified 8
reasons why failure is your steppingstone to success.
Do You Take Things Personally? Learn How Not To
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-02 |
Word Count: 1891 |
Page Views: 10248
| Votes: 45 |
Rating: 4.13
Do you take things personally and wish you didn't? Do you want
to know how not to take things personally? Every time I say I
help people learn how not to take things personally I always get
the same response – oh, I need help with that.
She Won't Call Me Back
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-11-07 |
Word Count: 503 |
Page Views: 8529
| Votes: 27 |
Rating: 3.26
How to proceed when the woman you connected with won't return
your phone calls or emails. Tips for determining whether you
should continue to try to contact her or forget her and move on
to someone new.
Talking About Past Relationships
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-11-13 |
Word Count: 685 |
Page Views: 6140
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.60
How much information do you give your girlfriend about your past
relationships? Offers tips for how to answer the question from
your girlfriend about your past relationship – what to tell, and
what not to tell.
She Wants You Back
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-11-05 |
Word Count: 482 |
Page Views: 4385
| Votes: 12 |
Rating: 2.42
How to handle a touchy situation when the girl who left you wants
you back. Offers tips on how to determine if you should re-kindle
your relationship with her or move on to someone new.
Feeling Invisible? Stop Complaining: How to ask for what you want
Written by: Kathy Gates |
Distributed: 2006-08-31 |
Word Count: 697 |
Page Views: 3904
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 1.88
I feel invisible! My kids don't listen to me, my husband
doesn't listen to me. I've told my boss a dozen times about
that vendor problem, but still it's the same thing. Sound
familiar?
Burris Life Coaching Sets New Standards for Life Coach Certification
Written by: Kelly Burris |
Distributed: 2006-10-12 |
Word Count: 658 |
Page Views: 3732
| Votes: 17 |
Rating: 2.71
What determines human behavior? There is not a Life Coach or for
that matter a psychologist, psychiatrist or physician who can
definitively answer this question yet this is the most
fundamental question if you wish to initiate permanent behavior
change. If you can not answer this question, how can you possibly
expect to help someone make a change in their behavior let alone
a permanent change? How can you move forward if you do not know
what is moving you forward.
How To Be Happy -- With Whatever Life Gives You!
Written by: Bruce Elkin |
Distributed: 2008-01-28 |
Word Count: 1087 |
Page Views: 3680
| Votes: 14 |
Rating: 2.07
The way we make ourselves happy is unique to each of us. But the ways we make ourselves unhappy are remarkably common to all of us. So, perhaps, by not doing the things that makes us unhappy, we can create more space for deep and lasting happiness we long for.
Highest Ranked "Self Improvement" Articles
Are All Online Dating Profiles Faked? Get the Facts
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-09 |
Word Count: 944 |
Page Views: 1346
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 4.20
Most of us have dated at least offline, and some of us have dated
online. Either way, online dating can be a good experience for
each one of us - if we don't let the bad outshine the good. This
article will help you identify fake online profiles, so that you
can improve upon your online dating experience.
Do You Take Things Personally? Learn How Not To
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-02 |
Word Count: 1891 |
Page Views: 10248
| Votes: 45 |
Rating: 4.13
Do you take things personally and wish you didn't? Do you want
to know how not to take things personally? Every time I say I
help people learn how not to take things personally I always get
the same response – oh, I need help with that.
Time Management For Busy Moms
Written by: Jance Hayes |
Distributed: 2006-07-12 |
Word Count: 348 |
Page Views: 1437
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 4.00
How do you do it? You work 40 hours a week, commute eight, cook,
clean, read bed time stories, help with homework, finagle home
finances and still have time for yourself and your spouse. Is
there an easier way? Before you peanut butter that gum out of
Sarah's hair or hunt down Cameron's pet rat, take a deep breath
and try these helpful time management tips:
The Key to Success in Psychometric Tests – Personality and Aptitude
Written by: Ron Clover |
Distributed: 2008-02-13 |
Word Count: 793 |
Page Views: 1493
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 3.88
In the current job market, being invited to a job interview
almost always entails taking psychometric tests. The two main
elements in psychometric testing consist of – personality tests
and aptitude (IQ) tests.
Spring Clean Your Life!
Written by: Jan Hornford |
Distributed: 2008-05-13 |
Word Count: 1091 |
Page Views: 1261
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 3.80
My spring cleaning has been centered on eliminating tolerations.
Tolerations are anything that you are putting up with that drains
your energy or irritates you. Eliminating tolerations is a simple
way to get you into action, generate momentum and create energy
in your life.
Law of Success: Part II
Written by: Sharif Khan |
Distributed: 2007-07-18 |
Word Count: 1856 |
Page Views: 1660
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 3.78
Learn the Success Secrets of over 500 of the world's greatest
achievers in this special three part educational series
commemorating the work of Napoleon Hill's classic bestseller,
'Law of Success.'
Coping With Your Stresses And Anxieties In The Business World
Written by: Stanley Popovich |
Distributed: 2008-03-27 |
Word Count: 490 |
Page Views: 1118
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 3.60
Everybody deals with anxieties and stresses in the business
world, however sometimes our anxieties can get the best of us. As
a result, here is a list of techniques that a person can use to
help manage their daily stresses and anxieties at their job and
in the business world.
Ten Things You Can Do To Decrease Your Stress At The Office
Written by: Chris Le Roy |
Distributed: 2006-08-24 |
Word Count: 2971 |
Page Views: 1626
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.57
The world we live on is nothing but a mound of chaotic pressure
that is building to the point it bursts like a volcano. We are
bombarded with pressure from our employers, our customers and
families to the point where some people actually do break. Most
of us today in professional lives spend between 8 and 16 hours a
day at the office, which equates to almost two-thirds of our
lives being in a place we really do not want to be in, but there
are things you can do to decrease the stress in your office.
The Heart of The Matter - The Most Sought After Frontier - And If It Isn't, Shouldn't It Be? Episode #2 -Feelings -The Big Cover-Up!
Written by: Bronwyn NobleStar |
Distributed: 2007-10-25 |
Word Count: 819 |
Page Views: 993
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.57
Did you start your day with LOVE or HATE? By asking this
underlying question the quality of your life can be improved! Do
you always recognize that what you experience is based on
feelings? Does it really matter? You bet! Generally, the ego does
such a good job of covering up, burying or hiding your feelings
that you may have forgotten the way to The Heart of The Matter -
your emotions...your feelings!
Law of Success: Part I
Written by: Sharif Khan |
Distributed: 2007-07-17 |
Word Count: 1173 |
Page Views: 1581
| Votes: 16 |
Rating: 3.56
Learn the Success Secrets of over 500 of the world's greatest
achievers in this special three part educational series
commemorating the work of Napoleon Hill's classic bestseller,
'Law of Success.'
|
|
|
Article Reprint Rights
|
This work is
licensed under a
Creative Commons
License
You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
|
|
Article Statistics
|
Word Count: 953
Total Views: 1550
Views This Month: 15
Views Last Month: 16
Article Rating: 2.13 of 5
Votes Cast: 8
Author Overall Stats:
Times Viewed Overall: 12824
Author Rating: 2.84 of 5
Votes Cast Overall: 58
More Articles By Author:
Articles On This Website
Article Title Search:
Widow Search
Right Blinker
Google
Yahoo!
Zuula
Bing
Cuil
Last Distribution Date:
2007-05-08 11:24:00
|
|
|
Home
for Writers
for Publishers
Article Directory
Article Search
Contact
Get RSS Feed
