In Business Since 2001 We accept Paypal
Home for Writers for Publishers Article Directory Article Search Contact
Directory of Ezines  
Products & Services
Article Distribution
Ghost Writing Services

Multiple Traffic Streams Report
Redneck Product Creation

Article Marketing Ebooks now available at: WritingPuzzle.com

Site Navigation
Home
+ FAQ

FAQ

+ Contact Us
+ Article Software

Use one of our Software Plugins to receive Articles from our site:

WordPress Content Plugin

Article Dashboard Content Plugin

+ About Us
+ Ebooks
+ Blogs
+ Social Media
+ Extra Pages
Search Tools
+ Search Our Articles
Article Directory
+ Authors
+ Articles
thePhantomWriters Blog
Get RSS Feed

Did Google Finally Kill Article Marketing Forever?
Early Indications Are That Google Farmer Update Loves Quality Syndicated Content
Detailed Insight into the Cooks Source Magazine PR Debacle
Increase Your Profits From Google Page One
Understanding How To Be Successful With Article Marketing
Temporary Issue with Article Distributions
Computer Upgrade
New Service Upgrades in Place
Are You Paying Too Much For Traffic? Increase Clicks 40-Fold With This PPC Strategy
How To Use Disinformation To Foul Up Your Competition In The SEO Game
Recommended Sites
Live Marketing Chat (Free) Saturday 8pm EST
Register for Notifications

 

 



Raise Responsible Children

Copyright (c) 2011-2012

If you find that disciplining your children and fostering a sense of responsibility in them is stressful or unsuccessful, the use of traditional parenting approaches may be the problem. Why? Because traditional parenting approaches, including using lectures, rewards, and punishments, rely on external motivators to change the child's behavior and aim to obtain obedience and compliance. But telling young people what to do, rewarding them if they do as expected, and threatening or punishing them if they don't are counterproductive, increase stress, and diminish strong parent/child relationships.

In fact, whether the approach is telling-based, rewards-based, or punishment-based, the bottom line is that it's manipulation, which is never permanent. All these approaches are something you do to another person and have little long-lasting effect. This is in contrast to collaboration (working with a person).

The irony of manipulating behavior is that the more you use it in an attempt to control children, the less real influence you exert over them. Clearly, manipulation breeds resentment. In addition, if children behave because they are forced to behave, the parent has not really succeeded. True responsibility means behaving appropriately because children want to, not because they have to.

The challenge for parents is raising a child who will do the right thing even when there is no threat of punishment, no lure of a reward, and no lecture before and after the act. So how do you do that? Following are some parenting techniques you can try today that don't use punishments, rewards, or lectures and that internally motivate children to act responsibly.

  • Challenge the Child
    Every time you try to make children do something or not do something, the children will likely resist. Children interpret the request as an attempt to control them, and no one likes feeling controlled. However, virtually all children enjoy a good challenge. They like to show off their talents and prove how good they are at things. So instead of trying to force a behavior, challenge your children to show responsible behavior.

  • For example, suppose you have a four-year-old son, and every time you try to get the family in the car, your son jumps into the driver's seat and refuses to move back to his car seat. Rather than bribe him into the backseat, threaten to take away his favorite toy, or talk for 30 minutes about why he needs to be safe in his car seat, offer a challenge. You could say, "I bet I'm faster. I bet it will take you longer to get into the backseat and buckle your seatbelt than it will for me lock the front door and come back to the car." Then watch how fast the little one jumps to his car seat.

    Young children often know what to do. Having them demonstrate responsible behavior merely takes some creativity, namely, "What can I say or do to prompt them in a way that they interpret it as a challenge rather than an attempt to control them?"

  • Put the Child in Charge
    Everyone likes being in charge of something, even something small. Adults and children alike need a sense that something in their world is within their control. Therefore, if you want your children to exhibit responsible behavior, put them in charge of the exact behavior you want them to display.

  • For example, suppose you have a school-aged daughter who is always getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment you want to maintain during mealtime. In this case, think of the exact opposite behavior of what your daughter is doing and put her in charge of that responsibility. You could say, "Hanna, I need your help. I want you to be in charge of having all members of the family remain seated during dinner. Can you handle this?"

    When put in control of something, children will always perform the appropriate behavior because incongruity (doing the opposite of what the person is in charge of) is very difficult for young people. This approach to changing behavior immediately is foolproof. If it doesn't work, reflect: Did you think of the exact opposite? Did you use the exact wording of putting the person in charge and phrasing the responsibility in positive terms?

  • Use Creative Phrasing
    Rather than scold children or talk down to them, use creative phrasing with a youngster who has done something that shouldn't have been done, has misbehaved, or has had to suffer the results of a bad choice. For example, you could say, "I know you didn't mean for that to happen. What went wrong?"

  • This phrasing sends the message that you think highly of the child regardless of the negative situation and that you know the child didn't want to end up with the bad results. It demonstrates empathy and opens the gate for the young person to think back over the whole issue without getting defensive.

    Make the Responsible Choice
    As a parent or caregiver, your goal is to assist children to become responsible, self-reliant, independent problem solvers; yet, external approaches set up young people to be dependent upon an external agent. Therefore, the ultimate goal should not be to have the child obey and keep parents happy. The ultimate goal is that young people act in a responsible way because it pays off for them; it is in their own and others' best interests. Using the strategies outlined here will help give your children both roots and wings. You will find yourself on the parenting journey of raising responsible kids, with less stress and more enjoyment for everyone involved.




    About The Author:
    Dr. Marvin Marshall is an American educator, writer, and lecturer. He is known for his program on discipline and learning, his landmark book Discipline Without Stress(r) Punishments or Rewards - How Teachers and Parents Promote Responsibility and Learning (http://www.DisciplineWithoutStress.com/), and his presentations about his multiple-award winning book Parenting Without Stress(r) - How to Raise Responsible Kids While Keeping a Life of Your Own (http://www.ParentingWithoutStress.com/).

    Follow "The Phantom Writers" on Twitter (@phantomwriters)
    to be notified when new articles are made available.


    VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
    Needs Work >> 0 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 << Excellent Article

    Tell our authors what you think about their article.


    Top-Level Category: Family Articles

    10 Most Recent Articles Written by Marvin Marshall, Ed.D.

    All of Author's Articles on this site:

    Most Recent "Family" Articles

    6 Things You Can Do Today To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint Tomorrow
    Written by: Lee Dobbins | Distributed: 2011-12-12 | Word Count: 845 | Page Views: 420 | Votes: 1 | Rating: 1.00
    Reducing your carbon footprint is something that everyone should strive for but what if you don't have a lot of money to buy eco friendly appliances and hybrid cars? Here are 6 easy things that you can do right now to help reduce your carbon footprint. These won't cost you a dime and might even save you some money!

    Why We Women Are Our Own Greatest Enemy When Dating
    Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2011-10-04 | Word Count: 544 | Page Views: 1046 | Votes: 16 | Rating: 2.38
    I have learned that while there are women who want to be committed to one man, there are some others who seek only attention, gifts, dinners, movies etc, and still others who are only interested in having a physical relationship. But all these three categories cannot be used as a base to judge women and their point of view about relationships only because, like I said, "Women never know what they want." So read on and you will know what I mean...

    Tips to Help You Get Back in the Dating Game After a Long-Term Relationship Ends
    Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2011-09-20 | Word Count: 773 | Page Views: 1082 | Votes: 9 | Rating: 1.67
    There are very few things in life that are as terrifying, frustrating, rewarding, exciting and just plain crazy as dating; especially if you have ceased to be a "spring chicken" or have been out of the dating scene for many years. If you've found yourself "back on the market" after being in a committed relationship for many years, you may be petrified by the prospect of dating again. The tips in this article will help you get back into the game quickly and successfully...

    The Day My Daughter Woke Me Up to See That Her Father Never Really Loved Me
    Written by: Mary Ann Lipitz | Distributed: 2011-09-15 | Word Count: 527 | Page Views: 934 | Votes: 13 | Rating: 2.62
    I am 31 years old with two children, and I was in a relationship with the man I loved until two years ago. We were not married but we lived together, and yes he is the father of my children. We had been together for more than five years at that point, but we never felt the need to get married. We had been happy the way things were, until one day my daughter changed all that, at least for me.

    When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
    Written by: Coalton Reynolds | Distributed: 2011-09-08 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 1969 | Votes: 2 | Rating: 4.00
    Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I was only different around her, but now I seem to be a totally different person.

    Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
    Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2011-08-03 | Word Count: 779 | Page Views: 1339 | Votes: 12 | Rating: 2.00
    How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions towards the other person than it does on other factors. For instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.

    Alpaca Wear Makes Terrific Gifts for Men and Women
    Written by: Robert Moore | Distributed: 2010-07-27 | Word Count: 772 | Page Views: 964 | Votes: 1 | Rating: 1.00
    Alpaca wear has a long and venerable history and the first record of Alpacas was in the Andean mountains. Alpacas were perfect for producing a fiber suitable for protecting these people from their extreme climate. Alpaca fiber is similar to wool and known for its beauty, luster, warmth, and stain resistance.

    Top Ten 'Mistakes' Made by Parents America
    Written by: Ryan Hogan | Distributed: 2010-04-27 | Word Count: 970 | Page Views: 1456 | Votes: 1 | Rating: 2.00
    On one hand the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every child is different and only you really know if your offspring is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say what a parenting mistake is and is not? On the other hand, "mistake" may not be harsh enough.

    Picking A Baby Name That Will Survive The Test Of Time
    Written by: Amanda van Hess | Distributed: 2010-02-16 | Word Count: 833 | Page Views: 833
    For as long as man has walked upon the earth, and tribes of people have had a common language, new parents have struggled with the names to give to their offspring. In this article, we analyze the popularity of biblical baby names through the last 130 years, until the present...

    Baby Names For Twins - Double The Trouble
    Written by: Amanda van Hess | Distributed: 2010-02-09 | Word Count: 700 | Page Views: 1063
    Deciding on a baby name is tough enough without having to decide for two - twins that is... Twins are double the fun and double the trouble. Once mom realizes that she is sporting two under the hood, the challenges of naming her unborn children becomes much more difficult. Should she just choose two distinct names, or should she choose two names that fit well together or have a relationship to one another?

    Most Viewed "Family" Articles

    Girls Sleepover Party Ideas
    Written by: Jillian Gallo | Distributed: 2008-09-16 | Word Count: 837 | Page Views: 12964 | Votes: 138 | Rating: 2.07
    Throwing a sleepover for your daughter is one of the most memorable events she will have from her childhood. Regardless of her age, these parties make memories she will take with her as she grows up. How can you make these nights more memorable? By following a few tips, you can make the most out of your daughter's next sleepover.

    Graduation Flowers Are At The Head Of The Class
    Written by: Wesley Berry, AAF | Distributed: 2008-04-24 | Word Count: 538 | Page Views: 8672 | Votes: 27 | Rating: 1.78
    The coming of spring signals new beginnings, and each year many young adults take the first steps toward that new beginning when they walk across the stage to accept a diploma at their graduation ceremony. Of course, with graduation comes excitement, smiles, tears, a big celebration, and lots of wonderful memories. One way to help make the day even more beautiful and memorable is with flowers.

    How To Identify Toxic Black Mold
    Written by: Daryl Watters | Distributed: 2007-05-08 | Word Count: 405 | Page Views: 5564 | Votes: 16 | Rating: 2.50
    Need toxic black mold or stachybotrys toxic mold testing information or mold inspector information. Certified Florida based mold assessor and inspection firm serving Broward Dade and Palm Beach County including Miami and Ft Lauderdale. Conduction Florida mold testing IAQ testing for commercial and home house mold and indoor air quality problems. Florida mold inspection.

    Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
    Written by: Ingrid Stenquist | Distributed: 2007-04-11 | Word Count: 682 | Page Views: 4704 | Votes: 21 | Rating: 3.90
    One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder. Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.

    Pepper Spray: How Does it Feel to Get Blasted?
    Written by: Fred Cheney | Distributed: 2007-12-18 | Word Count: 477 | Page Views: 4071 | Votes: 16 | Rating: 3.00
    It's something to think about. What would happen if you tried to use pepper spray and it sprayed into your own eyes? And, could you accidentally blind someone with it? Permanently maim them? What are the effects of pepper spray? These are important questions and they certainly have answers.

    Family Unity
    Written by: Sally Goldberg, Ph.D. | Distributed: 2007-11-01 | Word Count: 614 | Page Views: 3649 | Votes: 12 | Rating: 1.67
    Thanksgiving comes once a year with its wonderful message about family unity. Everyone gathers around the table and talks about how happy they are to be together. Then, no sooner is the holiday over, all is forgotten. Do you have any ideas for preserving those close family feelings?

    Acid Reflux Recovery Diet and Recipes Presents the Perfect Cold Weather Dinner
    Written by: Charles Stewart Richey | Distributed: 2006-10-17 | Word Count: 1394 | Page Views: 2963 | Votes: 11 | Rating: 2.18
    As the leaves start to turn to fall colors and in the evenings we are tempted to sit by a warm fire, hearty food comes to mind. The fall and winter bring a host of root vegetables, squashes greens and fruit from which hearty meals can be easily made. The challenge is to keep these dishes healthy - that means keeping them as alkaline as possible. When attempting to reverse the symptoms of acid reflux, diet is probably the most important consideration.

    ADD/ADHD – Developing Confidence in School
    Written by: Susan Kruger | Distributed: 2006-10-03 | Word Count: 1155 | Page Views: 2938 | Votes: 11 | Rating: 2.09
    ADD/ADHD certainly presents is challenges, but there is no reason why an ADHD diagnosis has to stand in your way of feeling confident and achieving success. This article explains why having ADHD is really a good thing and introduces three steps you can do to reach your greatest potential.

    New Year. New Semester. New Homework Solutions.
    Written by: Susan Kruger | Distributed: 2007-01-18 | Word Count: 646 | Page Views: 2872 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 3.00
    Learn how to identify specific homework problems and create easy systems to solve them.

    Swimming Safety For Children
    Written by: Brian Banks | Distributed: 2008-08-13 | Word Count: 713 | Page Views: 2853 | Votes: 10 | Rating: 2.80
    As Summer draws near and the amount of daylight grows, the activity that grows more prevalent in many people's minds, especially many children's minds, is swimming.

    Highest Ranked "Family" Articles

    Home Alone Child Safety
    Written by: Jerry Tarrer | Distributed: 2007-03-21 | Word Count: 1038 | Page Views: 1381 | Votes: 5 | Rating: 4.40
    Your child's safety depends to a large part on good communication between you and your children. This is especially true of two-income families, and single parent families where the children are left alone for extended periods of time and have to care for themselves.

    PB and Js And Licking The Bowl - The Joys Of A Kid Friendly Kitchen!
    Written by: Pamela Cole Harris | Distributed: 2008-02-14 | Word Count: 554 | Page Views: 1194 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 4.00
    Remember licking the bowl when you were a kid? Or making your own peanut butter sandwiches with grape, or better yet strawberry, jelly? Mmmmm... the smell of homemade oatmeal cookies! And they were even better because you knew you helped make them! Kitchens can be a place of special memories for kids of any generation. Are you building those memories with your children or do you view the kitchen as a dangerous place for kids?

    Potty Training Made Easy
    Written by: Kim Michael | Distributed: 2009-04-07 | Word Count: 507 | Page Views: 1028 | Votes: 5 | Rating: 4.00
    If you're the parent of a toddler, you are probably looking for the right signs that your child is ready to be potty trained. Potty training your child can be a frustrating time in your life. When your child is ready to be potty trained, they will provide to you clues that the timing is right. If you capitalize on these clues, and use the right tools, this can be an exciting time in your life, as well as your child's.

    Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
    Written by: Ingrid Stenquist | Distributed: 2007-04-11 | Word Count: 682 | Page Views: 4704 | Votes: 21 | Rating: 3.90
    One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder. Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.

    Anybody Can Spend, but Can You Save?
    Written by: Rich Thawley | Distributed: 2009-01-22 | Word Count: 527 | Page Views: 1316 | Votes: 13 | Rating: 3.77
    We have a great weakness in our society of wanting immediate gratification. We are under a constant barrage in all forms of media to buy this or to buy that. In our world of credit cards and charge accounts it is a challenge for many to resist the temptations of materialism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fun to have nice things, but only after we can afford them.

    As A Woman Thinking Of Divorce, Is It Necessary To Hire A Divorce Lawyer?
    Written by: Cathi Adams | Distributed: 2007-06-14 | Word Count: 509 | Page Views: 1443 | Votes: 8 | Rating: 3.75
    Couples finding themselves in the middle of divorce proceedings are growing in number each year. Some studies are showing that over 50 percent of first time marriages will end in divorce, with subsequent marriages ending at even higher percentages! That means a lot of people looking for the expertise of divorce lawyers.

    How An Envelope Online Budgeting System Can Help You Take Control Of Your Finances
    Written by: Gust Lenglet | Distributed: 2007-06-22 | Word Count: 626 | Page Views: 1324 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 3.67
    Have you ever felt that your hard-earned cash is slipping through your fingers? Are you genuinely surprised by how much money you and your family spend? Do you regularly run out of money before the end of the month? Are you racking up credit card debts to fund the difference between what you earn and what you spend? Do you wish that you had more control over your personal budget or your household budget? Don't just sit there, take control over your finances.

    Want to Know Where to Go in Boston?
    Written by: Mark Anderson | Distributed: 2008-10-10 | Word Count: 1075 | Page Views: 1088 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 3.67
    Ever since the colonial days, Boston has been one of the most intriguing cities in the United States. Its rich history is rivaled only by the vast amount of things it has to offer. Whether you're a college student, child, or an adult, there is plenty to find in Boston Massachusetts. From sports and nightlife to culture and nature, there is truly something for everyone. Let's look at what Bean Town has to offer.

    How Can Bible Study Help Kids Grow Up?
    Written by: Adam Barnett | Distributed: 2007-10-23 | Word Count: 463 | Page Views: 2044 | Votes: 11 | Rating: 3.64
    Bible study is probably the number one way to keep your kids on the right path, and keep them out of trouble. We can't watch our kids all day and night, and we can't keep bad influences from coming to them. But what we CAN do is make sure they know wrong from right. This will help them when they face problems and major decisions on their own.

    How To Pick The Best Camping Tent
    Written by: Marc Wiltse | Distributed: 2007-06-26 | Word Count: 1187 | Page Views: 1471 | Votes: 8 | Rating: 3.63
    A good camping tent keeps you dry, comfortable, and provides protection. Unfortunately if you don't know what you're looking for, you're probably going to waste money.







    Article Reprint Rights
    Creative Commons License

    This work is
    licensed under a
    Creative Commons
    License


    You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
    Article Publishing Tools
    Print Article
    Email-to-Blog
    HTML Source Code
    Text Newsletter Format
    Link Back HTML

    Blog Publishing Tools

    Internal ID: #7687
    Article Statistics
    Word Count: 926

    Total Views: 398
    Views This Month: 18
    Views Last Month: 31

    Article Rating: 3.00 of 5
    Votes Cast: 1

    Author Overall Stats:

    Times Viewed Overall: 398
    Author Rating: 3.00 of 5
    Votes Cast Overall: 1

    More Articles By Author:




    Article Title Search:

    Widow Search
    Right Blinker
    Google
    Yahoo!
    Zuula
    Bing
    Cuil

    Last Distribution Date:
    2011-07-19 11:00:00






    All Articles are Copyright © 2001-2012 of the Defined Authors.

    All other material and images on this site are:
    Copyright © 2001-2012, ThePhantomWriters.com

    Local Marketing Consultant