In Business Since 2001 We accept Paypal
Home Article Directory
More from Bill Platt
"Bill Platt for Book Authors" Youtube Channel
Training for Book Authors
Sites Owned by Bill Platt

 
D9 Hosting


Finding True Love Through Intimacy

Copyright (c) 2006-2019 RelationshipVision
Written by:
(See This Article in its Original Format.)

A lot of people have been asking about true love; is there such a thing; if so, what is it? Is it attainable; if so, how attainable is it? If it were just love, I wouldn't have so much difficulty. But, true love?

Talking about true love is risky business. I can imagine taking a poll, going around asking people who are looking for true love what it is they're looking for and getting different answers and a lot of "I don't knows." Given its subjective nature, it always comes down to one's interpretation or experience. A never-ending number of questions always seem to get raised.

Let's establish that what we are talking about when we say 'true love' would not be referring to how a parent might feel towards his or her child or a child towards a parent, between siblings. The more traditional connotation of true love leans to, at very least, an emotionally intimate relationship, one that lasts a lifetime. It may be platonic, it may sexual. But for the purposes of this discussion we will first explore what may be some common core elements of true love and of true love that includes sexual intimacy.

As we continue the discussion about what true love is, we will see that a number of related questions are raised.

Is true love, love at first sight? Or, does it come later in the relationship?

True love may and often does begin during the initial encounter, when two people are meeting for the first time. However, the spontaneous, eye-to-eye spark, when time gets compressed, when an irrepressible stirring suddenly before they even talk happens more often in the movies, quite rarely in reality.

After '...first sight,' the two people will eventually have to talk to each other. For then, they will get to see how they feel being together. That spark will either ignite or be kaput, depending on how it feels to be together, which is largely determined by the quality of their rapport. The highest high can go to the lowest low in the blink of an eye.

It is possible that when there is rapport, some kind of mutual discovery occurs; that they like being together (a lot), that they like each other (a lot), that they have this incredible chemistry, that they communicate about anything and everything; and that this turns them on even more. They can become quite excited by their rapport, but when attraction, desire and sex enter the picture, their excitement is further peaked.

Is true love a matter of luck or something that was "meant to be"?

Whether or not it was a matter of luck or their destiny to end up together, there is a strong likelihood that there was an initial rapport. It's not luck when conscious intention meets purposeful action. It doesn't just happen. Two people make it happen.

Rapport is a joint effort creation -- two who are people united in purpose, who place a high value getting to know what each other thinks and feels, who want to connect deeply, and are doing so.

During a rapport, there is a bridging of experience, understanding is achieved. Let's establish one criteria of true love as being able to say, "We understand each other," which often begins during the initial encounter.

Along with the ability to achieve a deep mutual understanding is comes a variety of other pleasant surprises. When gazing into each other's eyes and communicating on a deep level, the feeling of knowing one another elevates the level of excitement. "We know each other like no one else does."

For some, the experience of being able to be completely open, free and understood may be the highest of all highs.

How long does true love last? Does it fade over time?

It is reasonable to assume that if they did it once, they could do it again. However, there are no guarantees. What bears out in reality is that true love will last as long as both people are able to continue to communicate intimately. It may work to look at each and every encounter as a relationship in itself, independent of the others. It may also be considered that when there is consistency over time, the continuity will deepen their relationship, strengthen their bond.

  • Is true love the same thing as 'being in love?' Being with that special someone? Being number one? Being turned on? Having great sex?

  • What does it feel like? Is it a high or rather mundane? Does it have substance or is it merely a bundle of excitement?

  • Is it a long plateau of fixed contentment, like being "happy ever after?" Or, is it a never-ending, ever-deepening journey fraught with relationship threatening challenges?

    Answering the above questions will require that some important distinctions be made beginning with true love versus 'being in love.' Being in love is an altered state of mind. It is a peak experience - exciting, intense... and temporary, tantamount to being high, running on adrenalin.

    When 'in love,' two people may feel extremely turned on to each other, but how intimate they are is another question. They may feel clear-headed and certain about each other while they're in love, while forgetting that they're looking at each other through the lens of idealization, and are often disillusioned and overwhelmed when reality sets in. They are expecting, assuming or hoping that their altered state of mind will last indefinitely. Chances are they don't have the experience in relationships that would tell them real intimacy is lacking or hasn't yet been achieved and/or that they haven't yet been challenged by negative feelings, conflicts or differences. It is more likely to be that they are basking in the false security of their distorted perception.

    Another important distinction is true love and great sex.

    Confusion is evident in the words often used to describe our sexual encounters. "We were intimate." "We made love." Physical or sexual intimacy becomes synonymous with true love or emotional intimacy. A common pitfall when there is attraction, desire, great sex, etc, is to assume more of a relationship than there is.

    In light of this confusion, it's safer and more accurate to not equate true love, or, for that matter, emotional intimacy with attraction, desire or sex; and not to equate the two. Even great sex in no way guarantees emotional intimacy or a great relationship. The two are separate entities and there is no correlation between them.

    One reason for this confusion is that emotional openness and sharing are considerably harder to achieve than the excitement, pleasure and ease associated with sex. Once again, it's a trap of false security.


    Does true love depend on the prevailing conditions and circumstances at any given point in time, a matter of being in the right time and place?

    If there are conditions and circumstances conducive for true love, we may consider them to be contextually based relationships. There is a variety of situations that fit into this category. One is when two people meet when traveling away from home, outside of their usual reality. Another is work-related. There are a great many occupations that afford co-workers intimate knowledge about each other, and endless opportunities to earn respect and trust. In the military, for example, soldiers live and train together for months, sometimes years, and must rely on each other in battle. Police and firefighters also spend large chunks of time together and must depend on each other. Actors travel the whole spectrum of emotions, baring their souls to each other. And people who've been through an extreme experience together, i.e. a natural disaster or a terrorist attack, naturally seek understanding and support from the only one who had been through the same experience.

    In contrast, a natural setting is in the natural course of life, independent of an imposed structure, when you must rely solely and entirely on each other to create and sustain rapport.

    In these types of situations, it's quite common to explore whether they're able to sustain intimacy, whether their relationship can continue to work outside of the context in which their relationship grew, in a natural setting. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. When their relationship works in both settings, they may be more inclined to use true love to describe their relationship.

    Also, when sex enters the picture, a whole other set of dynamics will enter the picture. An intimate platonic relationship doesn't necessarily translate to a sexually intimate relationship.

    When it comes to true love, intimacy may be the operative term; true love being interchangeable with true intimacy.

    While intimacy may be the operative term, true love may also refer to a bond that goes above and beyond intimacy. We might say, "They are hitting on all cylinders."



    About The Author: Shop Amazon - Top Gift Ideas
    Daniel Linder, MA, MFT private practitioner, Addictions Specialist and Relationship Trainer over 25 years serving a culturally diverse population of individuals, couples, families and groups working in the San Francisco Bay Area. He conducts workshops, trainings and professional classes (CEU's).

    Linder's research and experience has led to his two books: Demystifying Addiction and Relational Recovery, and numerous related published articles.

    RelationshipVision is an online relationship training resource. http://www.RelationshipVision.com

    VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
    Needs Work >> 0 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 << Excellent Article

    Tell our authors what you think about their article.



    Top-Level Category: Family Articles || Related Categories: Society Articles

    10 Most Recent Articles Written by Daniel Linder, MFT

    All of Author's Articles on this site:

    Most Recent "Family" Articles

    Why We Women Are Our Own Greatest Enemy When Dating
    Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-11-06 | Word Count: 544 | Page Views: 5730 | Votes: 22 | Rating: 1.77
    I have learned that while there are women who want to be committed to one man, there are some others who seek only attention, gifts, dinners, movies etc, and still others who are only interested in having a physical relationship. But all these three categories cannot be used as a base to judge women and their point of view about relationships only because, like I said, "Women never know what they want." So read on and you will know what I mean...

    When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
    Written by: Coalton Reynolds | Distributed: 2013-11-05 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 8601 | Votes: 12 | Rating: 1.50
    Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I was only different around her, but now I seem to be a totally different person.

    Tips to Help You Get Back in the Dating Game After a Long-Term Relationship Ends
    Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-10-30 | Word Count: 773 | Page Views: 5861 | Votes: 18 | Rating: 1.17
    There are very few things in life that are as terrifying, frustrating, rewarding, exciting and just plain crazy as dating; especially if you have ceased to be a "spring chicken" or have been out of the dating scene for many years. If you've found yourself "back on the market" after being in a committed relationship for many years, you may be petrified by the prospect of dating again. The tips in this article will help you get back into the game quickly and successfully...

    The Eight Commandments of Online Dating
    Written by: Kandice Skaggs | Distributed: 2013-10-24 | Word Count: 1153 | Page Views: 2807 | Votes: 4 | Rating: 0.00
    Dating and "desperate" may start with the same letter, but they are not synonymous. Never were and never will be. If you take the time to follow these eight online dating commandments, you might be able to find the happiness you seek at the other end of your online dating communications.

    The Day My Daughter Woke Me Up to See That Her Father Never Really Loved Me
    Written by: Mary Ann Lipitz | Distributed: 2013-10-18 | Word Count: 527 | Page Views: 4823 | Votes: 19 | Rating: 1.95
    I am 31 years old with two children, and I was in a relationship with the man I loved until two years ago. We were not married but we lived together, and yes he is the father of my children. We had been together for more than five years at that point, but we never felt the need to get married. We had been happy the way things were, until one day my daughter changed all that, at least for me.

    Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
    Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-10-16 | Word Count: 779 | Page Views: 6576 | Votes: 22 | Rating: 1.41
    How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions towards the other person than it does on other factors. For instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.

    6 Things You Can Do Today To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint Tomorrow
    Written by: Lee Dobbins | Distributed: 2011-12-12 | Word Count: 845 | Page Views: 4595 | Votes: 5 | Rating: 0.60
    Reducing your carbon footprint is something that everyone should strive for but what if you don't have a lot of money to buy eco friendly appliances and hybrid cars? Here are 6 easy things that you can do right now to help reduce your carbon footprint. These won't cost you a dime and might even save you some money!

    Raise Responsible Children
    Written by: Marvin Marshall, Ed.D. | Distributed: 2011-07-19 | Word Count: 926 | Page Views: 569 | Votes: 1 | Rating: 3.00
    Using the strategies outlined here will help give your children both roots and wings. You will find yourself on the parenting journey to raise responsible children with less stress and more enjoyment for everyone involved.

    Alpaca Wear Makes Terrific Gifts for Men and Women
    Written by: Robert Moore | Distributed: 2010-07-27 | Word Count: 772 | Page Views: 3552 | Votes: 2 | Rating: 0.50
    Alpaca wear has a long and venerable history and the first record of Alpacas was in the Andean mountains. Alpacas were perfect for producing a fiber suitable for protecting these people from their extreme climate. Alpaca fiber is similar to wool and known for its beauty, luster, warmth, and stain resistance.

    Top Ten 'Mistakes' Made by Parents America
    Written by: Ryan Hogan | Distributed: 2010-04-27 | Word Count: 970 | Page Views: 4292 | Votes: 2 | Rating: 1.00
    On one hand the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every child is different and only you really know if your offspring is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say what a parenting mistake is and is not? On the other hand, "mistake" may not be harsh enough.

    Most Viewed "Family" Articles

    Girls Sleepover Party Ideas
    Written by: Jillian Gallo | Distributed: 2008-09-16 | Word Count: 837 | Page Views: 15891 | Votes: 139 | Rating: 2.05
    Throwing a sleepover for your daughter is one of the most memorable events she will have from her childhood. Regardless of her age, these parties make memories she will take with her as she grows up. How can you make these nights more memorable? By following a few tips, you can make the most out of your daughter's next sleepover.

    How To Identify Toxic Black Mold
    Written by: Daryl Watters | Distributed: 2007-05-08 | Word Count: 405 | Page Views: 13227 | Votes: 19 | Rating: 2.42
    Need toxic black mold or stachybotrys toxic mold testing information or mold inspector information. Certified Florida based mold assessor and inspection firm serving Broward Dade and Palm Beach County including Miami and Ft Lauderdale. Conduction Florida mold testing IAQ testing for commercial and home house mold and indoor air quality problems. Florida mold inspection.

    Graduation Flowers Are At The Head Of The Class
    Written by: Wesley Berry, AAF | Distributed: 2008-04-24 | Word Count: 538 | Page Views: 12840 | Votes: 28 | Rating: 1.71
    The coming of spring signals new beginnings, and each year many young adults take the first steps toward that new beginning when they walk across the stage to accept a diploma at their graduation ceremony. Of course, with graduation comes excitement, smiles, tears, a big celebration, and lots of wonderful memories. One way to help make the day even more beautiful and memorable is with flowers.

    When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
    Written by: Coalton Reynolds | Distributed: 2013-11-05 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 8601 | Votes: 12 | Rating: 1.50
    Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I was only different around her, but now I seem to be a totally different person.

    Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
    Written by: Ingrid Stenquist | Distributed: 2007-04-11 | Word Count: 682 | Page Views: 8394 | Votes: 26 | Rating: 3.73
    One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder. Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.

    Pepper Spray: How Does it Feel to Get Blasted?
    Written by: Fred Cheney | Distributed: 2007-12-18 | Word Count: 477 | Page Views: 8236 | Votes: 21 | Rating: 2.71
    It's something to think about. What would happen if you tried to use pepper spray and it sprayed into your own eyes? And, could you accidentally blind someone with it? Permanently maim them? What are the effects of pepper spray? These are important questions and they certainly have answers.

    Destructive Behaviors That Cause a Relationship Break Up
    Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-15 | Word Count: 644 | Page Views: 8028 | Votes: 20 | Rating: 2.50
    On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would know your name.

    I Want My Ex Back! 5 Tips That Will Improve Your Chances
    Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-03-03 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 7449 | Votes: 8 | Rating: 3.13
    Five killer tips that help you claw back your ex, even if your situation seems in dire straits.

    Family Unity
    Written by: Sally Goldberg, Ph.D. | Distributed: 2007-11-01 | Word Count: 614 | Page Views: 6943 | Votes: 13 | Rating: 1.54
    Thanksgiving comes once a year with its wonderful message about family unity. Everyone gathers around the table and talks about how happy they are to be together. Then, no sooner is the holiday over, all is forgotten. Do you have any ideas for preserving those close family feelings?

    How To Find Work At Home Jobs For Work At Home Moms
    Written by: Glen OReilly | Distributed: 2009-11-03 | Word Count: 1512 | Page Views: 6661 | Votes: 22 | Rating: 2.64
    As the economy continues to tighten for many American families, more moms are looking to the Internet to find the extra money needed to help their families survive during this economically challenging time. The good news is that there are plenty of opportunities for the mom seeking to earn money from home... When you know where to find them... This article will show you where to find those work-at-home jobs and telecommuting jobs you desire...

    Highest Ranked "Family" Articles

    Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
    Written by: Ingrid Stenquist | Distributed: 2007-04-11 | Word Count: 682 | Page Views: 8394 | Votes: 26 | Rating: 3.73
    One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder. Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.

    Being a Parent... Opportunities to Turn A Bad Experience Into a Good Experience
    Written by: Bill Platt | Distributed: 2007-11-12 | Word Count: 478 | Page Views: 4184 | Votes: 14 | Rating: 3.50
    The biggest challenge I have had to face in my own life is that of being a good parent. My kids make it hard for me to stay true to the rules of good parenting... They break everything I own... Repeatedly... Fortunately, I do have the presence of mind to realize that as toddlers and young children, they really do not intend to break things...

    Home Alone Child Safety
    Written by: Jerry Tarrer | Distributed: 2007-03-21 | Word Count: 1038 | Page Views: 3616 | Votes: 7 | Rating: 3.43
    Your child's safety depends to a large part on good communication between you and your children. This is especially true of two-income families, and single parent families where the children are left alone for extended periods of time and have to care for themselves.

    PB and Js And Licking The Bowl - The Joys Of A Kid Friendly Kitchen!
    Written by: Pamela Cole Harris | Distributed: 2008-02-14 | Word Count: 554 | Page Views: 4188 | Votes: 7 | Rating: 3.43
    Remember licking the bowl when you were a kid? Or making your own peanut butter sandwiches with grape, or better yet strawberry, jelly? Mmmmm... the smell of homemade oatmeal cookies! And they were even better because you knew you helped make them! Kitchens can be a place of special memories for kids of any generation. Are you building those memories with your children or do you view the kitchen as a dangerous place for kids?

    Anybody Can Spend, but Can You Save?
    Written by: Rich Thawley | Distributed: 2009-01-22 | Word Count: 527 | Page Views: 3488 | Votes: 19 | Rating: 3.37
    We have a great weakness in our society of wanting immediate gratification. We are under a constant barrage in all forms of media to buy this or to buy that. In our world of credit cards and charge accounts it is a challenge for many to resist the temptations of materialism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fun to have nice things, but only after we can afford them.

    Can Rats, Chemical Odors, Or Even Stress, Cause Mold Like Health Reactions In Homeowners And Office Workers?
    Written by: Daryl Watters | Distributed: 2007-06-26 | Word Count: 1564 | Page Views: 3731 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 3.33
    Mold is and always has been a major contributor in building related illness. I have seen many clients who were ill as the result of living with mold. However, one must not overlook the possibility of other contributing factors such as cigarette smoke, non mold related bio-allergens such as cat and dog dander, rat and mice allergens, and chemical contaminates such as pesticides or volatile organic compounds.

    As A Woman Thinking Of Divorce, Is It Necessary To Hire A Divorce Lawyer?
    Written by: Cathi Adams | Distributed: 2007-06-14 | Word Count: 509 | Page Views: 3287 | Votes: 9 | Rating: 3.33
    Couples finding themselves in the middle of divorce proceedings are growing in number each year. Some studies are showing that over 50 percent of first time marriages will end in divorce, with subsequent marriages ending at even higher percentages! That means a lot of people looking for the expertise of divorce lawyers.

    How Can Bible Study Help Kids Grow Up?
    Written by: Adam Barnett | Distributed: 2007-10-23 | Word Count: 463 | Page Views: 4162 | Votes: 12 | Rating: 3.33
    Bible study is probably the number one way to keep your kids on the right path, and keep them out of trouble. We can't watch our kids all day and night, and we can't keep bad influences from coming to them. But what we CAN do is make sure they know wrong from right. This will help them when they face problems and major decisions on their own.

    Potty Training Made Easy
    Written by: Kim Michael | Distributed: 2009-04-07 | Word Count: 507 | Page Views: 3077 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 3.33
    If you're the parent of a toddler, you are probably looking for the right signs that your child is ready to be potty trained. Potty training your child can be a frustrating time in your life. When your child is ready to be potty trained, they will provide to you clues that the timing is right. If you capitalize on these clues, and use the right tools, this can be an exciting time in your life, as well as your child's.

    What Is Your Siamese Trying To Tell You?
    Written by: Susan Miller | Distributed: 2009-09-03 | Word Count: 496 | Page Views: 3378 | Votes: 7 | Rating: 3.29
    When it comes to cats, many cat-lovers will do just about anything to please their feline companions. However, one of the most perplexing aspects of owning a cat is the attempt to try to decipher its various body movements and meows. After all, like a baby, a cat's meow can mean just about anything -- from hunger to frustration to general irritation.











    Download an eBook today
  •  
    Directory Navigation
    Locate By Category:

    ALL Categories
    Arts & Crafts
    Arts & Entertainment
    Automotive
    Business - Offline
    Business - Online
    Career
    Computers
    Education
    Family
    Finance
    Food & Drink
    Health & Wellness
    Home & Garden
    Humor
    Internet
    Nature & Pets
    Real Estate
    Religion
    Self Improvement
    Shopping
    Society
    Sports & Recreation
    Technology
    Travel & Leisure
    Uncategorized
    World Events
    Writing & Speaking

    Change Number of Results:
    50 - 100 - 200 - 500
    Article Reprint Rights
    Creative Commons License

    This work is
    licensed under a
    Creative Commons
    License


    You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
    Article Statistics
    Word Count: 1466

    Total Views: 3283

    Article Rating: 3.27 of 5
    Votes Cast: 11

    More Articles By Author:



    Last Distribution Date:
    2006-06-02 11:12:00

    Internal ID: #2916





    All Articles are Copyright © 2001-2019 of the Defined Authors.

    All other material and images on this site are:
    Copyright © 2001-2019, ThePhantomWriters.com