Training for Book Authors
|
|
Other Resources for Book Authors & Publishers
|
|
Please Support Our Advertisers
|
|
|
|
|
What's Important in a Relationship
Copyright (c) 2010-2023 James Kern
Sometimes, being in a love relationship is so scary that we'll destroy it just to get out.
What? Destroy your own relationship? You worked so hard to get it! That doesn't make sense.... or does it?
On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would know your name.
Did you know that this self-destruction business is coded into your DNA? Yep, you're hard-wired to do this stuff. (What's up with that?) We have a flight or fight instinct. Back in the day, it was what made you either beat up the caveman who stole your cavewoman or run away because he was wearing saber-toothed tiger furs, which meant he was obviously more aggressive than you were.
Nowadays, when things get too emotionally difficult, our fight or flight response is triggered and we start doing crazy things like stalking your lover's house at 2am to see if there's a strange car in the driveway or hacking into their email to see whom they've been chatting with.
But there's a light at the end of this tunnel! You're not stuck at the Alone and Miserable bar forever. In fact, once you become aware of the things you're doing to sabotage your relationships, you can work toward stopping those behaviors and saying goodbye to Alone and Miserable and hello to Happy and Attached.
What Are You Afraid Of In This Relationship?
Find your fears. Do you have any deep-seated beliefs about love relationships that have influenced how you view this one?
Do you love yourself? Are your fears based on current facts or speculations based on horrible past relationships? Are you engaging in "Worst Case Scenario" thinking? What usually motivates you to start acting crazy and doing self-destructive things? Do you feel better after doing them or worse? (Most likely, you feel worse and have only exacerbated the problem! Does that tell you anything?)
Look Inside
Are you causing the problems in your relationship? It's a tough question. A lot of people have problems admitting when they are the one in the wrong.
Think about the bad experiences you had in your relationship. Did they all start after you triggered them?
For example, did you always fight when you were drunk? Did arguments start up because you wanted to wake her for sex at 3am when she had to be at work by 7? Do you throw a fit when he forgets to take out the garbage?
Ouch. Maybe you are the problem.
It doesn't make you a horrible person. (Okay, it might, but even horrible people can learn from their mistakes and become better!)
Remember that humans are very easily conditioned to behave in certain ways based on their past experiences. (If you remember back to Psychology class, there was that guy Pavlov who conditioned dogs to drool at the sound of a bell. It's the same for you except you've conditioned yourself to freak out and get super possessive whenever you're in love. Personally, I'd rather drool.)
You can totally re-condition yourself to avoid these relationship destruction tendencies! It will take a while and it will take being 100% honest with yourself, but it's do-able.
The key is to focus on the moment. Do not project thoughts into the future or drag up memories of the past. Live in the right now.
It might be time to seek help so you can work out your emotions with someone who has helped others through similar problems. It may seem like an impossible dream, but if you fix yourself, you could very well salvage a relationship you thought was doomed.
VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
Needs Work >>
0 -
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
5
<< Excellent Article
Tell our authors what you think about their article.
|
Top-Level Category: Family Articles || Related Categories: Society Articles and Self Improvement Articles
10 Most Recent Articles Written by James Kern
Unhealthy Relationship Myths That You Should Know About
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2010-10-26 |
Word Count: 644 |
Page Views: 4960
| Votes: 3 |
Rating: 1.67
Sometimes, being in a love relationship is so scary that
we'll destroy it just to get out. What? Destroy your own
relationship? You worked so hard to get it! That doesn't
make sense.... or does it?
How to Open Up the Lines of Communication and Maintain a Healthy Relationship
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-08-18 |
Word Count: 620 |
Page Views: 5866
| Votes: 11 |
Rating: 1.64
Has your relationship hit rock bottom? Then it could be time
for a little "magnetic communication". You need to find a
way back into your ex's life by the art of communicating
effectively. Use these ideas to get started on the right
track.
Team Efforts That Can Save Your Relationship
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-31 |
Word Count: 648 |
Page Views: 4194
| Votes: 20 |
Rating: 2.50
Here are some cleverly disguised "team efforts" that can
salvage your relationship before it's too late. These are
methods to be used when a marriage or live-in relationship
splits up; they don't really work for couples who aren't
living together. Here are some ways to bring you back
together without your ex even realizing it.
How to Contact Your Ex When They Continue to Ignore You
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-28 |
Word Count: 752 |
Page Views: 17424
| Votes: 36 |
Rating: 2.17
She just wont return your calls, or give you the time of day
and listen. You're smitten. You want nothing more than to
talk with this woman and tell her how you're feeling, but
you keep getting bumped to voicemail. Your texts vanish into
a void and are never returned. Your emails go unread.
What's a guy to do?
Signs You're About to Get Dumped
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-22 |
Word Count: 639 |
Page Views: 5198
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.40
There are a lot of signs that a relationship disaster is on the
cards. How many are you currently seeing and are you soon to be
dumped?
Destructive Behaviors That Cause a Relationship Break Up
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-15 |
Word Count: 644 |
Page Views: 9381
| Votes: 21 |
Rating: 2.43
On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest
thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and
kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you
being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life
there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would
know your name.
How To Handle A Break Up
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-08 |
Word Count: 838 |
Page Views: 4442
| Votes: 10 |
Rating: 1.70
It's unbelievable when I see the torture and misery one puts
themselves through after a break up. The steps you take after a
break up is going to carve the future of your relationship.
Basically, there are two paths you can take from here.
Are You at Risk of Burning All Bridges Back to Your Ex?
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-04-01 |
Word Count: 757 |
Page Views: 4789
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 1.29
Do you have mutual friends with your ex? Well, pay attention. You
could well be committing some of the most basic mistakes that
will forever ruin your chances of getting back together with the
love of your life. From spying techniques to sulking like a baby.
Get the inside on how to handle this tricky situation starting
from this point onwards.
I Want My Ex Back! 5 Tips That Will Improve Your Chances
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-03-03 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 8835
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.73
Five killer tips that help you claw back your ex, even if your
situation seems in dire straits.
All of Author's Articles on this site: James Kern Articles
Most Recent "Family" Articles
Why We Women Are Our Own Greatest Enemy When Dating
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-11-06 |
Word Count: 544 |
Page Views: 8498
| Votes: 33 |
Rating: 1.97
I have learned that while there are women who want to be
committed to one man, there are some others who seek only
attention, gifts, dinners, movies etc, and still others who are
only interested in having a physical relationship. But all these
three categories cannot be used as a base to judge women and
their point of view about relationships only because, like I
said, "Women never know what they want." So read on and you
will know what I mean...
When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
Written by: Coalton Reynolds |
Distributed: 2013-11-05 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 11134
| Votes: 24 |
Rating: 2.04
Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent
split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself
thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I
was only different around her, but now I seem to be a
totally different person.
Tips to Help You Get Back in the Dating Game After a Long-Term Relationship Ends
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-10-30 |
Word Count: 773 |
Page Views: 8445
| Votes: 24 |
Rating: 1.50
There are very few things in life that are as terrifying,
frustrating, rewarding, exciting and just plain crazy as dating;
especially if you have ceased to be a "spring chicken" or have
been out of the dating scene for many years. If you've found
yourself "back on the market" after being in a committed
relationship for many years, you may be petrified by the prospect
of dating again. The tips in this article will help you get back
into the game quickly and successfully...
The Eight Commandments of Online Dating
Written by: Kandice Skaggs |
Distributed: 2013-10-24 |
Word Count: 1153 |
Page Views: 5242
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 1.22
Dating and "desperate" may start with the same letter, but
they are not synonymous. Never were and never will be. If
you take the time to follow these eight online dating
commandments, you might be able to find the happiness you
seek at the other end of your online dating communications.
The Day My Daughter Woke Me Up to See That Her Father Never Really Loved Me
Written by: Mary Ann Lipitz |
Distributed: 2013-10-18 |
Word Count: 527 |
Page Views: 7225
| Votes: 26 |
Rating: 2.04
I am 31 years old with two children, and I was in a relationship
with the man I loved until two years ago. We were not married but
we lived together, and yes he is the father of my children. We
had been together for more than five years at that point, but we
never felt the need to get married. We had been happy the way
things were, until one day my daughter changed all that, at least
for me.
Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-10-16 |
Word Count: 779 |
Page Views: 9032
| Votes: 28 |
Rating: 1.64
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions
towards the other person than it does on other factors. For
instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave
differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually
interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.
6 Things You Can Do Today To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint Tomorrow
Written by: Lee Dobbins |
Distributed: 2011-12-12 |
Word Count: 845 |
Page Views: 6702
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 0.67
Reducing your carbon footprint is something that everyone
should strive for but what if you don't have a lot of money
to buy eco friendly appliances and hybrid cars? Here are 6
easy things that you can do right now to help reduce your
carbon footprint. These won't cost you a dime and might
even save you some money!
Raise Responsible Children
Written by: Marvin Marshall, Ed.D. |
Distributed: 2011-07-19 |
Word Count: 926 |
Page Views: 569
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 3.00
Using the strategies outlined here will help give your children
both roots and wings. You will find yourself on the parenting
journey to raise responsible children with less stress and more
enjoyment for everyone involved.
Alpaca Wear Makes Terrific Gifts for Men and Women
Written by: Robert Moore |
Distributed: 2010-07-27 |
Word Count: 772 |
Page Views: 4785
| Votes: 3 |
Rating: 0.67
Alpaca wear has a long and venerable history and the first
record of Alpacas was in the Andean mountains. Alpacas were
perfect for producing a fiber suitable for protecting these
people from their extreme climate. Alpaca fiber is similar
to wool and known for its beauty, luster, warmth, and stain
resistance.
Top Ten 'Mistakes' Made by Parents America
Written by: Ryan Hogan |
Distributed: 2010-04-27 |
Word Count: 970 |
Page Views: 5702
| Votes: 3 |
Rating: 0.67
On one hand the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every
child is different and only you really know if your
offspring is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say
what a parenting mistake is and is not? On the other hand,
"mistake" may not be harsh enough.
Most Viewed "Family" Articles
Girls Sleepover Party Ideas
Written by: Jillian Gallo |
Distributed: 2008-09-16 |
Word Count: 837 |
Page Views: 16998
| Votes: 140 |
Rating: 2.04
Throwing a sleepover for your daughter is one of the most
memorable events she will have from her childhood. Regardless of
her age, these parties make memories she will take with her as
she grows up. How can you make these nights more memorable? By
following a few tips, you can make the most out of your
daughter's next sleepover.
How To Identify Toxic Black Mold
Written by: Daryl Watters |
Distributed: 2007-05-08 |
Word Count: 405 |
Page Views: 14515
| Votes: 26 |
Rating: 2.38
Need toxic black mold or stachybotrys toxic mold testing
information or mold inspector information. Certified Florida
based mold assessor and inspection firm serving Broward Dade and
Palm Beach County including Miami and Ft Lauderdale. Conduction
Florida mold testing IAQ testing for commercial and home house
mold and indoor air quality problems. Florida mold inspection.
Graduation Flowers Are At The Head Of The Class
Written by: Wesley Berry, AAF |
Distributed: 2008-04-24 |
Word Count: 538 |
Page Views: 14306
| Votes: 35 |
Rating: 1.83
The coming of spring signals new beginnings, and each year many
young adults take the first steps toward that new beginning
when they walk across the stage to accept a diploma at their
graduation ceremony. Of course, with graduation comes excitement,
smiles, tears, a big celebration, and lots of wonderful memories.
One way to help make the day even more beautiful and memorable
is with flowers.
When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
Written by: Coalton Reynolds |
Distributed: 2013-11-05 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 11134
| Votes: 24 |
Rating: 2.04
Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent
split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself
thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I
was only different around her, but now I seem to be a
totally different person.
How To Find Work At Home Jobs For Work At Home Moms
Written by: Glen OReilly |
Distributed: 2009-11-03 |
Word Count: 1512 |
Page Views: 9474
| Votes: 29 |
Rating: 2.52
As the economy continues to tighten for many American families,
more moms are looking to the Internet to find the extra money
needed to help their families survive during this economically
challenging time. The good news is that there are plenty of
opportunities for the mom seeking to earn money from home... When
you know where to find them... This article will show you where
to find those work-at-home jobs and telecommuting jobs you
desire...
Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
Written by: Ingrid Stenquist |
Distributed: 2007-04-11 |
Word Count: 682 |
Page Views: 9383
| Votes: 33 |
Rating: 3.42
One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood
social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder.
Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective
Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk
were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen
as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling
by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.
Destructive Behaviors That Cause a Relationship Break Up
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-15 |
Word Count: 644 |
Page Views: 9381
| Votes: 21 |
Rating: 2.43
On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest
thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and
kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you
being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life
there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would
know your name.
Pepper Spray: How Does it Feel to Get Blasted?
Written by: Fred Cheney |
Distributed: 2007-12-18 |
Word Count: 477 |
Page Views: 9369
| Votes: 28 |
Rating: 2.61
It's something to think about. What would happen if you tried
to use pepper spray and it sprayed into your own eyes? And,
could you accidentally blind someone with it? Permanently maim
them? What are the effects of pepper spray? These are important
questions and they certainly have answers.
Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-10-16 |
Word Count: 779 |
Page Views: 9032
| Votes: 28 |
Rating: 1.64
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions
towards the other person than it does on other factors. For
instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave
differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually
interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.
I Want My Ex Back! 5 Tips That Will Improve Your Chances
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-03-03 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 8835
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.73
Five killer tips that help you claw back your ex, even if your
situation seems in dire straits.
Highest Ranked "Family" Articles
Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
Written by: Ingrid Stenquist |
Distributed: 2007-04-11 |
Word Count: 682 |
Page Views: 9383
| Votes: 33 |
Rating: 3.42
One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood
social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder.
Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective
Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk
were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen
as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling
by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.
Anybody Can Spend, but Can You Save?
Written by: Rich Thawley |
Distributed: 2009-01-22 |
Word Count: 527 |
Page Views: 4543
| Votes: 20 |
Rating: 3.25
We have a great weakness in our society of wanting immediate
gratification. We are under a constant barrage in all forms of
media to buy this or to buy that. In our world of credit cards
and charge accounts it is a challenge for many to resist the
temptations of materialism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's
fun to have nice things, but only after we can afford them.
How Can Bible Study Help Kids Grow Up?
Written by: Adam Barnett |
Distributed: 2007-10-23 |
Word Count: 463 |
Page Views: 5319
| Votes: 13 |
Rating: 3.15
Bible study is probably the number one way to keep your kids on
the right path, and keep them out of trouble. We can't watch our
kids all day and night, and we can't keep bad influences from
coming to them. But what we CAN do is make sure they know wrong
from right. This will help them when they face problems and major
decisions on their own.
Being a Parent... Opportunities to Turn A Bad Experience Into a Good Experience
Written by: Bill Platt |
Distributed: 2007-11-12 |
Word Count: 478 |
Page Views: 5788
| Votes: 21 |
Rating: 3.10
The biggest challenge I have had to face in my own life is that
of being a good parent. My kids make it hard for me to stay true
to the rules of good parenting... They break everything I own...
Repeatedly... Fortunately, I do have the presence of mind to
realize that as toddlers and young children, they really do not
intend to break things...
Home Alone Child Safety
Written by: Jerry Tarrer |
Distributed: 2007-03-21 |
Word Count: 1038 |
Page Views: 4502
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 3.00
Your child's safety depends to a large part on good
communication between you and your children. This is especially
true of two-income families, and single parent families where the
children are left alone for extended periods of time and have to
care for themselves.
PB and Js And Licking The Bowl - The Joys Of A Kid Friendly Kitchen!
Written by: Pamela Cole Harris |
Distributed: 2008-02-14 |
Word Count: 554 |
Page Views: 5382
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 3.00
Remember licking the bowl when you were a kid? Or making your own
peanut butter sandwiches with grape, or better yet strawberry,
jelly? Mmmmm... the smell of homemade oatmeal cookies! And they
were even better because you knew you helped make them! Kitchens
can be a place of special memories for kids of any generation.
Are you building those memories with your children or do you view
the kitchen as a dangerous place for kids?
Educational Toys Can Be Fun
Written by: Kim Michael |
Distributed: 2009-04-01 |
Word Count: 521 |
Page Views: 3675
| Votes: 10 |
Rating: 3.00
Most parents these days are looking for toys that can be both
educational and fun. When playing with our children, parents want
to teach as well as have fun.
Potty Training Made Easy
Written by: Kim Michael |
Distributed: 2009-04-07 |
Word Count: 507 |
Page Views: 4221
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.00
If you're the parent of a toddler, you are probably looking for
the right signs that your child is ready to be potty trained.
Potty training your child can be a frustrating time in your life.
When your child is ready to be potty trained, they will provide
to you clues that the timing is right. If you capitalize on these
clues, and use the right tools, this can be an exciting time in
your life, as well as your child's.
Understanding State Child Support Laws and Guidelines
Written by: Amerion Abler |
Distributed: 2007-01-15 |
Word Count: 1078 |
Page Views: 3458
| Votes: 12 |
Rating: 2.92
Child support is the government's means of ensuring that
children enjoy the financial security that a two-parent home
would have afforded them. This is the primary moral concern of
child support laws --- that children be well provided for --- and
it is based on the principle of responsibility. Read on as we
examine the role of child support and how to keep it fair for
both parents.
A Cruzader Christmas
Written by: Lisa Stockmann Karp |
Distributed: 2009-01-23 |
Word Count: 1185 |
Page Views: 5485
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 2.89
Jun and Joyce Dela Cruz couldn't believe their eyes. In November
2000, they watched a disturbing television news report that
changed their Christmas forever. Thousands of the more than
10,000 homeless on Los Angeles' Skid Row would be going without
a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal that year.
|
|
|
|
|
Article Reprint Rights
|

This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License
You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
|
Article Statistics
|
Word Count: 644
Total Views: 4251
Article Rating: 2.27 of 5
Votes Cast: 11
More Articles By Author:
Articles On This Website
Last Distribution Date:
2010-01-14 12:45:00
Internal ID: #7291
|
|
|