In Business Since 2001 We accept Paypal
Home Article Directory
More from Bill Platt
"Bill Platt for Book Authors" Youtube Channel
Training for Book Authors
Other Resources for Book Authors & Publishers
FictionPlots.com (350+ Plots & counting)
Please Support Our Advertisers

 
D9 Hosting


What's Important in a Relationship

Copyright (c) 2010-2023

Sometimes, being in a love relationship is so scary that we'll destroy it just to get out.

What? Destroy your own relationship? You worked so hard to get it! That doesn't make sense.... or does it?

On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would know your name.

Did you know that this self-destruction business is coded into your DNA? Yep, you're hard-wired to do this stuff. (What's up with that?) We have a flight or fight instinct. Back in the day, it was what made you either beat up the caveman who stole your cavewoman or run away because he was wearing saber-toothed tiger furs, which meant he was obviously more aggressive than you were.

Nowadays, when things get too emotionally difficult, our fight or flight response is triggered and we start doing crazy things like stalking your lover's house at 2am to see if there's a strange car in the driveway or hacking into their email to see whom they've been chatting with.

But there's a light at the end of this tunnel! You're not stuck at the Alone and Miserable bar forever. In fact, once you become aware of the things you're doing to sabotage your relationships, you can work toward stopping those behaviors and saying goodbye to Alone and Miserable and hello to Happy and Attached.

What Are You Afraid Of In This Relationship?

Find your fears. Do you have any deep-seated beliefs about love relationships that have influenced how you view this one?

Do you love yourself? Are your fears based on current facts or speculations based on horrible past relationships? Are you engaging in "Worst Case Scenario" thinking? What usually motivates you to start acting crazy and doing self-destructive things? Do you feel better after doing them or worse? (Most likely, you feel worse and have only exacerbated the problem! Does that tell you anything?)

Look Inside

Are you causing the problems in your relationship? It's a tough question. A lot of people have problems admitting when they are the one in the wrong.

Think about the bad experiences you had in your relationship. Did they all start after you triggered them?

For example, did you always fight when you were drunk? Did arguments start up because you wanted to wake her for sex at 3am when she had to be at work by 7? Do you throw a fit when he forgets to take out the garbage?

Ouch. Maybe you are the problem.

It doesn't make you a horrible person. (Okay, it might, but even horrible people can learn from their mistakes and become better!)

Remember that humans are very easily conditioned to behave in certain ways based on their past experiences. (If you remember back to Psychology class, there was that guy Pavlov who conditioned dogs to drool at the sound of a bell. It's the same for you except you've conditioned yourself to freak out and get super possessive whenever you're in love. Personally, I'd rather drool.)

You can totally re-condition yourself to avoid these relationship destruction tendencies! It will take a while and it will take being 100% honest with yourself, but it's do-able.

The key is to focus on the moment. Do not project thoughts into the future or drag up memories of the past. Live in the right now.

It might be time to seek help so you can work out your emotions with someone who has helped others through similar problems. It may seem like an impossible dream, but if you fix yourself, you could very well salvage a relationship you thought was doomed.


About The Author: Shop Amazon - Top Gift Ideas
Written by James Kern. In his video series, he goes through 7 super-ninja ways to open up the lines of communication to get your ex back. Visit http://www.backtogetherforever.com/ to get your free "Magnetic Communication CD" posted out to you today.

VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
Needs Work >> 0 - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 << Excellent Article

Tell our authors what you think about their article.



Top-Level Category: Family Articles || Related Categories: Society Articles and Self Improvement Articles

10 Most Recent Articles Written by James Kern

Unhealthy Relationship Myths That You Should Know About
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2010-10-26 | Word Count: 644 | Page Views: 4960 | Votes: 3 | Rating: 1.67
Sometimes, being in a love relationship is so scary that we'll destroy it just to get out. What? Destroy your own relationship? You worked so hard to get it! That doesn't make sense.... or does it?

How to Open Up the Lines of Communication and Maintain a Healthy Relationship
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-08-18 | Word Count: 620 | Page Views: 5866 | Votes: 11 | Rating: 1.64
Has your relationship hit rock bottom? Then it could be time for a little "magnetic communication". You need to find a way back into your ex's life by the art of communicating effectively. Use these ideas to get started on the right track.

Team Efforts That Can Save Your Relationship
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-31 | Word Count: 648 | Page Views: 4194 | Votes: 20 | Rating: 2.50
Here are some cleverly disguised "team efforts" that can salvage your relationship before it's too late. These are methods to be used when a marriage or live-in relationship splits up; they don't really work for couples who aren't living together. Here are some ways to bring you back together without your ex even realizing it.

How to Contact Your Ex When They Continue to Ignore You
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-28 | Word Count: 752 | Page Views: 17424 | Votes: 36 | Rating: 2.17
She just wont return your calls, or give you the time of day and listen. You're smitten. You want nothing more than to talk with this woman and tell her how you're feeling, but you keep getting bumped to voicemail. Your texts vanish into a void and are never returned. Your emails go unread. What's a guy to do?

Signs You're About to Get Dumped
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-22 | Word Count: 639 | Page Views: 5198 | Votes: 15 | Rating: 2.40
There are a lot of signs that a relationship disaster is on the cards. How many are you currently seeing and are you soon to be dumped?

Destructive Behaviors That Cause a Relationship Break Up
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-15 | Word Count: 644 | Page Views: 9381 | Votes: 21 | Rating: 2.43
On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would know your name.

How To Handle A Break Up
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-08 | Word Count: 838 | Page Views: 4442 | Votes: 10 | Rating: 1.70
It's unbelievable when I see the torture and misery one puts themselves through after a break up. The steps you take after a break up is going to carve the future of your relationship. Basically, there are two paths you can take from here.

Are You at Risk of Burning All Bridges Back to Your Ex?
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-04-01 | Word Count: 757 | Page Views: 4789 | Votes: 7 | Rating: 1.29
Do you have mutual friends with your ex? Well, pay attention. You could well be committing some of the most basic mistakes that will forever ruin your chances of getting back together with the love of your life. From spying techniques to sulking like a baby. Get the inside on how to handle this tricky situation starting from this point onwards.

I Want My Ex Back! 5 Tips That Will Improve Your Chances
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-03-03 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 8835 | Votes: 15 | Rating: 2.73
Five killer tips that help you claw back your ex, even if your situation seems in dire straits.

All of Author's Articles on this site:

Most Recent "Family" Articles

Why We Women Are Our Own Greatest Enemy When Dating
Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-11-06 | Word Count: 544 | Page Views: 8498 | Votes: 33 | Rating: 1.97
I have learned that while there are women who want to be committed to one man, there are some others who seek only attention, gifts, dinners, movies etc, and still others who are only interested in having a physical relationship. But all these three categories cannot be used as a base to judge women and their point of view about relationships only because, like I said, "Women never know what they want." So read on and you will know what I mean...

When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
Written by: Coalton Reynolds | Distributed: 2013-11-05 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 11134 | Votes: 24 | Rating: 2.04
Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I was only different around her, but now I seem to be a totally different person.

Tips to Help You Get Back in the Dating Game After a Long-Term Relationship Ends
Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-10-30 | Word Count: 773 | Page Views: 8445 | Votes: 24 | Rating: 1.50
There are very few things in life that are as terrifying, frustrating, rewarding, exciting and just plain crazy as dating; especially if you have ceased to be a "spring chicken" or have been out of the dating scene for many years. If you've found yourself "back on the market" after being in a committed relationship for many years, you may be petrified by the prospect of dating again. The tips in this article will help you get back into the game quickly and successfully...

The Eight Commandments of Online Dating
Written by: Kandice Skaggs | Distributed: 2013-10-24 | Word Count: 1153 | Page Views: 5242 | Votes: 9 | Rating: 1.22
Dating and "desperate" may start with the same letter, but they are not synonymous. Never were and never will be. If you take the time to follow these eight online dating commandments, you might be able to find the happiness you seek at the other end of your online dating communications.

The Day My Daughter Woke Me Up to See That Her Father Never Really Loved Me
Written by: Mary Ann Lipitz | Distributed: 2013-10-18 | Word Count: 527 | Page Views: 7225 | Votes: 26 | Rating: 2.04
I am 31 years old with two children, and I was in a relationship with the man I loved until two years ago. We were not married but we lived together, and yes he is the father of my children. We had been together for more than five years at that point, but we never felt the need to get married. We had been happy the way things were, until one day my daughter changed all that, at least for me.

Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-10-16 | Word Count: 779 | Page Views: 9032 | Votes: 28 | Rating: 1.64
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions towards the other person than it does on other factors. For instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.

6 Things You Can Do Today To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint Tomorrow
Written by: Lee Dobbins | Distributed: 2011-12-12 | Word Count: 845 | Page Views: 6702 | Votes: 6 | Rating: 0.67
Reducing your carbon footprint is something that everyone should strive for but what if you don't have a lot of money to buy eco friendly appliances and hybrid cars? Here are 6 easy things that you can do right now to help reduce your carbon footprint. These won't cost you a dime and might even save you some money!

Raise Responsible Children
Written by: Marvin Marshall, Ed.D. | Distributed: 2011-07-19 | Word Count: 926 | Page Views: 569 | Votes: 1 | Rating: 3.00
Using the strategies outlined here will help give your children both roots and wings. You will find yourself on the parenting journey to raise responsible children with less stress and more enjoyment for everyone involved.

Alpaca Wear Makes Terrific Gifts for Men and Women
Written by: Robert Moore | Distributed: 2010-07-27 | Word Count: 772 | Page Views: 4785 | Votes: 3 | Rating: 0.67
Alpaca wear has a long and venerable history and the first record of Alpacas was in the Andean mountains. Alpacas were perfect for producing a fiber suitable for protecting these people from their extreme climate. Alpaca fiber is similar to wool and known for its beauty, luster, warmth, and stain resistance.

Top Ten 'Mistakes' Made by Parents America
Written by: Ryan Hogan | Distributed: 2010-04-27 | Word Count: 970 | Page Views: 5702 | Votes: 3 | Rating: 0.67
On one hand the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every child is different and only you really know if your offspring is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say what a parenting mistake is and is not? On the other hand, "mistake" may not be harsh enough.

Most Viewed "Family" Articles

Girls Sleepover Party Ideas
Written by: Jillian Gallo | Distributed: 2008-09-16 | Word Count: 837 | Page Views: 16998 | Votes: 140 | Rating: 2.04
Throwing a sleepover for your daughter is one of the most memorable events she will have from her childhood. Regardless of her age, these parties make memories she will take with her as she grows up. How can you make these nights more memorable? By following a few tips, you can make the most out of your daughter's next sleepover.

How To Identify Toxic Black Mold
Written by: Daryl Watters | Distributed: 2007-05-08 | Word Count: 405 | Page Views: 14515 | Votes: 26 | Rating: 2.38
Need toxic black mold or stachybotrys toxic mold testing information or mold inspector information. Certified Florida based mold assessor and inspection firm serving Broward Dade and Palm Beach County including Miami and Ft Lauderdale. Conduction Florida mold testing IAQ testing for commercial and home house mold and indoor air quality problems. Florida mold inspection.

Graduation Flowers Are At The Head Of The Class
Written by: Wesley Berry, AAF | Distributed: 2008-04-24 | Word Count: 538 | Page Views: 14306 | Votes: 35 | Rating: 1.83
The coming of spring signals new beginnings, and each year many young adults take the first steps toward that new beginning when they walk across the stage to accept a diploma at their graduation ceremony. Of course, with graduation comes excitement, smiles, tears, a big celebration, and lots of wonderful memories. One way to help make the day even more beautiful and memorable is with flowers.

When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
Written by: Coalton Reynolds | Distributed: 2013-11-05 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 11134 | Votes: 24 | Rating: 2.04
Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I was only different around her, but now I seem to be a totally different person.

How To Find Work At Home Jobs For Work At Home Moms
Written by: Glen OReilly | Distributed: 2009-11-03 | Word Count: 1512 | Page Views: 9474 | Votes: 29 | Rating: 2.52
As the economy continues to tighten for many American families, more moms are looking to the Internet to find the extra money needed to help their families survive during this economically challenging time. The good news is that there are plenty of opportunities for the mom seeking to earn money from home... When you know where to find them... This article will show you where to find those work-at-home jobs and telecommuting jobs you desire...

Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
Written by: Ingrid Stenquist | Distributed: 2007-04-11 | Word Count: 682 | Page Views: 9383 | Votes: 33 | Rating: 3.42
One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder. Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.

Destructive Behaviors That Cause a Relationship Break Up
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-07-15 | Word Count: 644 | Page Views: 9381 | Votes: 21 | Rating: 2.43
On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would know your name.

Pepper Spray: How Does it Feel to Get Blasted?
Written by: Fred Cheney | Distributed: 2007-12-18 | Word Count: 477 | Page Views: 9369 | Votes: 28 | Rating: 2.61
It's something to think about. What would happen if you tried to use pepper spray and it sprayed into your own eyes? And, could you accidentally blind someone with it? Permanently maim them? What are the effects of pepper spray? These are important questions and they certainly have answers.

Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
Written by: RoseMary Alberts | Distributed: 2013-10-16 | Word Count: 779 | Page Views: 9032 | Votes: 28 | Rating: 1.64
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions towards the other person than it does on other factors. For instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.

I Want My Ex Back! 5 Tips That Will Improve Your Chances
Written by: James Kern | Distributed: 2009-03-03 | Word Count: 625 | Page Views: 8835 | Votes: 15 | Rating: 2.73
Five killer tips that help you claw back your ex, even if your situation seems in dire straits.

Highest Ranked "Family" Articles

Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
Written by: Ingrid Stenquist | Distributed: 2007-04-11 | Word Count: 682 | Page Views: 9383 | Votes: 33 | Rating: 3.42
One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder. Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.

Anybody Can Spend, but Can You Save?
Written by: Rich Thawley | Distributed: 2009-01-22 | Word Count: 527 | Page Views: 4543 | Votes: 20 | Rating: 3.25
We have a great weakness in our society of wanting immediate gratification. We are under a constant barrage in all forms of media to buy this or to buy that. In our world of credit cards and charge accounts it is a challenge for many to resist the temptations of materialism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fun to have nice things, but only after we can afford them.

How Can Bible Study Help Kids Grow Up?
Written by: Adam Barnett | Distributed: 2007-10-23 | Word Count: 463 | Page Views: 5319 | Votes: 13 | Rating: 3.15
Bible study is probably the number one way to keep your kids on the right path, and keep them out of trouble. We can't watch our kids all day and night, and we can't keep bad influences from coming to them. But what we CAN do is make sure they know wrong from right. This will help them when they face problems and major decisions on their own.

Being a Parent... Opportunities to Turn A Bad Experience Into a Good Experience
Written by: Bill Platt | Distributed: 2007-11-12 | Word Count: 478 | Page Views: 5788 | Votes: 21 | Rating: 3.10
The biggest challenge I have had to face in my own life is that of being a good parent. My kids make it hard for me to stay true to the rules of good parenting... They break everything I own... Repeatedly... Fortunately, I do have the presence of mind to realize that as toddlers and young children, they really do not intend to break things...

Home Alone Child Safety
Written by: Jerry Tarrer | Distributed: 2007-03-21 | Word Count: 1038 | Page Views: 4502 | Votes: 8 | Rating: 3.00
Your child's safety depends to a large part on good communication between you and your children. This is especially true of two-income families, and single parent families where the children are left alone for extended periods of time and have to care for themselves.

PB and Js And Licking The Bowl - The Joys Of A Kid Friendly Kitchen!
Written by: Pamela Cole Harris | Distributed: 2008-02-14 | Word Count: 554 | Page Views: 5382 | Votes: 8 | Rating: 3.00
Remember licking the bowl when you were a kid? Or making your own peanut butter sandwiches with grape, or better yet strawberry, jelly? Mmmmm... the smell of homemade oatmeal cookies! And they were even better because you knew you helped make them! Kitchens can be a place of special memories for kids of any generation. Are you building those memories with your children or do you view the kitchen as a dangerous place for kids?

Educational Toys Can Be Fun
Written by: Kim Michael | Distributed: 2009-04-01 | Word Count: 521 | Page Views: 3675 | Votes: 10 | Rating: 3.00
Most parents these days are looking for toys that can be both educational and fun. When playing with our children, parents want to teach as well as have fun.

Potty Training Made Easy
Written by: Kim Michael | Distributed: 2009-04-07 | Word Count: 507 | Page Views: 4221 | Votes: 7 | Rating: 3.00
If you're the parent of a toddler, you are probably looking for the right signs that your child is ready to be potty trained. Potty training your child can be a frustrating time in your life. When your child is ready to be potty trained, they will provide to you clues that the timing is right. If you capitalize on these clues, and use the right tools, this can be an exciting time in your life, as well as your child's.

Understanding State Child Support Laws and Guidelines
Written by: Amerion Abler | Distributed: 2007-01-15 | Word Count: 1078 | Page Views: 3458 | Votes: 12 | Rating: 2.92
Child support is the government's means of ensuring that children enjoy the financial security that a two-parent home would have afforded them. This is the primary moral concern of child support laws --- that children be well provided for --- and it is based on the principle of responsibility. Read on as we examine the role of child support and how to keep it fair for both parents.

A Cruzader Christmas
Written by: Lisa Stockmann Karp | Distributed: 2009-01-23 | Word Count: 1185 | Page Views: 5485 | Votes: 9 | Rating: 2.89
Jun and Joyce Dela Cruz couldn't believe their eyes. In November 2000, they watched a disturbing television news report that changed their Christmas forever. Thousands of the more than 10,000 homeless on Los Angeles' Skid Row would be going without a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal that year.











Download an eBook today
 
Directory Navigation
Locate By Category:

ALL Categories
Arts & Crafts
Arts & Entertainment
Automotive
Business - Offline
Business - Online
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Finance
Food & Drink
Health & Wellness
Home & Garden
Humor
Internet
Nature & Pets
Real Estate
Religion
Self Improvement
Shopping
Society
Sports & Recreation
Technology
Travel & Leisure
Uncategorized
World Events
Writing & Speaking

Change Number of Results:
50 - 100 - 200 - 500
Article Reprint Rights
Creative Commons License

This work is
licensed under a
Creative Commons
License


You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
Article Statistics
Word Count: 644

Total Views: 4251

Article Rating: 2.27 of 5
Votes Cast: 11

More Articles By Author:



Last Distribution Date:
2010-01-14 12:45:00

Internal ID: #7291





All Articles are Copyright © 2001-2023 of the Defined Authors.

All other material and images on this site are:
Copyright © 2001-2023, ThePhantomWriters.com