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Becoming ResilientCopyright © 2008 Jan HornfordBecoming Resilient As I write this I am in Glasgow, Scotland. Glasgow is an interesting city. It has seen difficult and challenging times yet always seems to reinvent itself. You can feel and see that it has experienced hard times and yet it is also infused with a vibrant energy that is seeing Glasgow enter into new economic growth. Over the years Glasgow has seen many boom and bust times. It has been a centre of contemplation and learning, a hub of trade in rum, sugar, and tobacco, a centre for the manufacturing and processing of linen and cotton, an industrial powerhouse of shipyards and locomotive building, and today banking and retail provide the economic engine. There is a dizzying array of buildings, old beside new, of every architectural style, in the downtown core. Here at least, Glasgow appears to be holding onto the best of the past as it moves into the future. It does not forget it’s darker times but it does not dwell on them either. Glasgow has known its share of poverty and hopelessness but has also never given up but reinvented itself many times. The people I have met are cheerful and friendly and resilient. In 1990 Glasgow was named the Cultural Capitol of Europe. Trapped in the Past It seems to me that there is a lesson here for all of us. So often we can find ourselves dwelling on past hurts or mistakes. We may focus on what we have lost or failed to succeed at. We get mired in the past and are unable to take steps into our future. All of our time and energy is devoted to past wrongs or “if only”. As a result we cannot see clearly what is good about right now, where we are right now, or where we would like to be in the future. We are trapped in the past. Life’s Earthquakes It is not easy to recover from life’s earthquakes. They can be emotionally and physically painful and can shift the foundation of your life. We can all experience earthquakes such as death, divorce, illness, job loss, disappointment, and failure at some point in our lives. So how can we be our best Self, how can we move forward, even in the face of heartache or when things do not turn out the way we had hoped? How do we become resilient? Resiliency Emotional resiliency is the ability to recover and to go on in the face of misfortune and adversity. It is about finding joy in life again. How does one move forward through the pain of the past? 1. Acknowledge the pain or disappointment. 2. Forgive yourself and /or others. 3. Get moving - emotion can be released through physical activity like walking. 4. Nurture yourself. Do something for yourself that makes you feel nurtured. 5. Focus on what you have and what is important to you. What is good in your life? Who or what gives meaning to your life? What can you contribute? 6. Take the time it takes. It will take time to process and come to terms with what happened. Take the time to grieve. 7. Seek help and support from friends, family, your faith leader and/or professional counselors. You Have a Choice I think it is so important that you remember that you have a choice. You may not have any control over what happens to you but you can choose how you respond to it. Viktor Frankl , noted psychiatrist and concentration camp survivor, wrote in his book Man's Search for Meaning: "...everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." (1963, p. 104) Coaching Questions Actions 1. Write down everything about the situation that you need to let go of. Write down all of your emotions and beliefs about the situation. Release the words and the emotion in a physical way by burning the letter in your fireplace or burying it in the backyard. 2. Write down everything that you are grateful for in your life right now. Do not stop until you have a list of 100 things. 3. Focus on what you would like to see happen in your life and take one small action each day to help you move to that place. 4. Practice the seven steps of resiliency. Peace and Joy, Jan Hornford About The Author:
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