|
Training for Book Authors
|
|
|
Other Resources for Book Authors & Publishers
|
|
|
Please Support Our Advertisers
|
|
|
|
|
|
Finding Nemo, Finding a Hero: Empowering and Inspiring Children with Special Needs
Copyright (c) 2008-2023 Lisa C. Greene
(See This Article in its Original Format.)
If you ask me whether I've seen a particular adult movie, my response is likely to be "No." But if you ask me about any kid movie, I could tell you about the characters, plot, and punch-line all in one breath. That's how it is when you live with young children.
So, it shouldn't be too surprising when I tell you that it was in the Disney movie "Finding Nemo" that I saw a great metaphor of what it is like to live with kids with special needs. You see, both of our children have cystic fibrosis so I know what it's like. And, like the clown fish dad on Nemo (named Marlin) I have journeyed from the place of over-protective and "worried about everything" to "still worried about everything but handling it a lot better."
I suppose there is always room for improvement in most everything in life, especially parenting. The problem with parenting is that we may not realize how much improvement we really need until it's too late (ie: our teenagers become hellions and we wonder what happened). The problem with parenting kids with special needs is that "too late" doesn't mean just a dented car or some experimentation with booze or sex- it can mean the difference between life and death. The stakes can be so very high...
The struggle to resist the powerful parental impulses to rescue, hover and over-protect are played out in "Finding Nemo." The paradox is that it is in letting go of the intense need for protection that actually gives a child the freedom to become a hero and to unlock the greatness of spirit inherent within those who have learned to cope well with hardship and suffering. Just like Nemo!
We begin Nemo's story with a happy little fish couple embarking one of life's greatest adventures- having children. Then, tragically, the mommy fish and all eggs but one get eaten by a bigger fish. Here, the real story begins with Nemo and his dad "picking up the pieces" of the initial trauma. To make it all the more poignant, Nemo is born with a deformed or "lucky" fin. So, here we have initial trauma and physical disability- a perfect recipe to create an over- protective, hovering parent who is understandably oozing with concern for his son's welfare. He limits, rescues, protects and controls Nemo; his expectations are low for Nemo's ability (due to his disability); and he does not trust Nemo. He is worried about every detail in Nemo's fishy little life. In fact, Dad's life completely revolves around Nemo. Sound familiar?
The first big event in Nemo's life is his decision to rebel against his father's controlling, over-protective nature. No surprise, there. Nemo has no choice but to exert his independence in way that opposes his dad because he has never had the freedom to make any decisions for himself. So, he defiantly touches a boat just to prove to dad, friends, and himself that he can do it. And, in doing so (if you haven't seen the movie), he gets swept up by a scuba diver and appears destined to become a part of a fish collection in a dental aquarium.
How many kids with special needs have no choice but to rebel against parental authority by refusing to comply with medical requirements? Children, just like adults, have a strong need for control. Wise parents share the control by giving their children lots of choices. For example, a parent might say, "Would you like to do your breathing treatment before or after your homework?" or "Will you be doing your insulin shot in five minutes or ten minutes?" or "Do you plan to take your pills with juice or milk?" A lifetime of small choices creates a savings account of shared control that can be "cashed in" when it's time for the big choices of life- like whether or not to live.
The movie now becomes the story of a parent struggling to let go, learning to trust and accept and, as a result, the child becoming more than either had ever dreamed possible. As Nemo starts to make his own way around the aquarium, he gets stuck in a filter. Immediately, the other fish around him leap to pull him out. But, Gil, the seasoned old master, stops them and forces Nemo to rescue himself. Nemo says (in panic), "Can you help me?" Gil responds calmly, "No, You got yourself in there, you can get yourself out." No rescue, no over-protection. Gil gives Nemo ideas about how to get out, encouragement and high expectations and Nemo gets unstuck all by himself. Now, Nemo is proud of himself. His self image soars; he can do it!
Effective parents do not hover, rescue and over-protect (Helicopter Parents). They don't demand or command (Drill Sergeant Parents). Instead, they are Consultant Parents. Consultant parents guide their children to solve their own problems by giving loving support rather than answers and quick fixes. They share the control and decision-making. They express sadness and sorrow instead of anger, frustration or worry when children make mistakes. They set appropriately high expectations. They allow empathy before consequences to do the teaching for misbehavior rather than punishment. They ask good questions instead of give lectures and criticism. They use encouragement- not praise. Consultant parents teach their children how to think instead of what to think. They give their children the foundation and skills to become the heroes they are destined to be. Just like Nemo!
The climax of the movie brings us to the re-uniting of father and son after Nemo finds his own way out of the aquarium and back into the ocean. When first re-united, Dad immediately adopts his old attitude of over-protection and control. However, Nemo's compassionate spirit will not allow his father to stop him from rescuing the many fish caught in a gil net which was about to be brought to the surface of the water. Now, Nemo has the opportunity to become a hero. His Dad has no choice but to let him go and to trust. In doing so, Nemo is able to release the hero that was bottled up inside by his father's control, over-protection and rescue. By freeing that hero and courageously rising to the occasion, Nemo changes the lives of those around him.
I think that deep down inside the soul of every special needs child is that same hero just bursting to come out. As parents, we can encourage our children to become a hero: someone who faces life courageously and joyfully in the face of adversity and suffering. In doing this, we also become a hero- both to our child and to others around us. In modeling this, we teach our children how to release that hero inside themselves. It is not an easy journey, but a worthwhile one. Just ask Nemo. And his Dad.
(c) 2008 by Lisa C. Greene
Permission to reprint is granted for personal use
|
From the book "Parenting Children with Health Issues: Essential Tools, Tips and Tactics for Raising Kids with Chronic Illness, Medical Conditions and Other Special Needs" by Foster Cline, M.D and Lisa C. Greene. Dr. Cline is a well-known child psychiatrist, author, and co-founder of the popular Love and Logic parenting program. Lisa is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis and a certified parent coach. For free audio, articles and other resources, visit http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com.
|
VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
Needs Work >>
0 -
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
5
<< Excellent Article
Tell our authors what you think about their article.
|
Top-Level Category: Family Articles
10 Most Recent Articles Written by Lisa C. Greene
Most Recent "Family" Articles
Why We Women Are Our Own Greatest Enemy When Dating
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-11-06 |
Word Count: 544 |
Page Views: 8401
| Votes: 33 |
Rating: 1.97
I have learned that while there are women who want to be
committed to one man, there are some others who seek only
attention, gifts, dinners, movies etc, and still others who are
only interested in having a physical relationship. But all these
three categories cannot be used as a base to judge women and
their point of view about relationships only because, like I
said, "Women never know what they want." So read on and you
will know what I mean...
When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
Written by: Coalton Reynolds |
Distributed: 2013-11-05 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 11027
| Votes: 24 |
Rating: 2.04
Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent
split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself
thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I
was only different around her, but now I seem to be a
totally different person.
Tips to Help You Get Back in the Dating Game After a Long-Term Relationship Ends
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-10-30 |
Word Count: 773 |
Page Views: 8344
| Votes: 24 |
Rating: 1.50
There are very few things in life that are as terrifying,
frustrating, rewarding, exciting and just plain crazy as dating;
especially if you have ceased to be a "spring chicken" or have
been out of the dating scene for many years. If you've found
yourself "back on the market" after being in a committed
relationship for many years, you may be petrified by the prospect
of dating again. The tips in this article will help you get back
into the game quickly and successfully...
The Eight Commandments of Online Dating
Written by: Kandice Skaggs |
Distributed: 2013-10-24 |
Word Count: 1153 |
Page Views: 5145
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 1.22
Dating and "desperate" may start with the same letter, but
they are not synonymous. Never were and never will be. If
you take the time to follow these eight online dating
commandments, you might be able to find the happiness you
seek at the other end of your online dating communications.
The Day My Daughter Woke Me Up to See That Her Father Never Really Loved Me
Written by: Mary Ann Lipitz |
Distributed: 2013-10-18 |
Word Count: 527 |
Page Views: 7130
| Votes: 26 |
Rating: 2.04
I am 31 years old with two children, and I was in a relationship
with the man I loved until two years ago. We were not married but
we lived together, and yes he is the father of my children. We
had been together for more than five years at that point, but we
never felt the need to get married. We had been happy the way
things were, until one day my daughter changed all that, at least
for me.
Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-10-16 |
Word Count: 779 |
Page Views: 8937
| Votes: 28 |
Rating: 1.64
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions
towards the other person than it does on other factors. For
instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave
differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually
interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.
6 Things You Can Do Today To Reduce Your Carbon Footprint Tomorrow
Written by: Lee Dobbins |
Distributed: 2011-12-12 |
Word Count: 845 |
Page Views: 6618
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 0.67
Reducing your carbon footprint is something that everyone
should strive for but what if you don't have a lot of money
to buy eco friendly appliances and hybrid cars? Here are 6
easy things that you can do right now to help reduce your
carbon footprint. These won't cost you a dime and might
even save you some money!
Raise Responsible Children
Written by: Marvin Marshall, Ed.D. |
Distributed: 2011-07-19 |
Word Count: 926 |
Page Views: 569
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 3.00
Using the strategies outlined here will help give your children
both roots and wings. You will find yourself on the parenting
journey to raise responsible children with less stress and more
enjoyment for everyone involved.
Alpaca Wear Makes Terrific Gifts for Men and Women
Written by: Robert Moore |
Distributed: 2010-07-27 |
Word Count: 772 |
Page Views: 4732
| Votes: 3 |
Rating: 0.67
Alpaca wear has a long and venerable history and the first
record of Alpacas was in the Andean mountains. Alpacas were
perfect for producing a fiber suitable for protecting these
people from their extreme climate. Alpaca fiber is similar
to wool and known for its beauty, luster, warmth, and stain
resistance.
Top Ten 'Mistakes' Made by Parents America
Written by: Ryan Hogan |
Distributed: 2010-04-27 |
Word Count: 970 |
Page Views: 5647
| Votes: 3 |
Rating: 0.67
On one hand the word "mistake" may be too harsh. Every
child is different and only you really know if your
offspring is happy and flourishing. Therefore, who is to say
what a parenting mistake is and is not? On the other hand,
"mistake" may not be harsh enough.
Most Viewed "Family" Articles
Girls Sleepover Party Ideas
Written by: Jillian Gallo |
Distributed: 2008-09-16 |
Word Count: 837 |
Page Views: 16947
| Votes: 140 |
Rating: 2.04
Throwing a sleepover for your daughter is one of the most
memorable events she will have from her childhood. Regardless of
her age, these parties make memories she will take with her as
she grows up. How can you make these nights more memorable? By
following a few tips, you can make the most out of your
daughter's next sleepover.
How To Identify Toxic Black Mold
Written by: Daryl Watters |
Distributed: 2007-05-08 |
Word Count: 405 |
Page Views: 14460
| Votes: 26 |
Rating: 2.38
Need toxic black mold or stachybotrys toxic mold testing
information or mold inspector information. Certified Florida
based mold assessor and inspection firm serving Broward Dade and
Palm Beach County including Miami and Ft Lauderdale. Conduction
Florida mold testing IAQ testing for commercial and home house
mold and indoor air quality problems. Florida mold inspection.
Graduation Flowers Are At The Head Of The Class
Written by: Wesley Berry, AAF |
Distributed: 2008-04-24 |
Word Count: 538 |
Page Views: 14244
| Votes: 35 |
Rating: 1.83
The coming of spring signals new beginnings, and each year many
young adults take the first steps toward that new beginning
when they walk across the stage to accept a diploma at their
graduation ceremony. Of course, with graduation comes excitement,
smiles, tears, a big celebration, and lots of wonderful memories.
One way to help make the day even more beautiful and memorable
is with flowers.
When A Strong Woman Can Make You A Better Man
Written by: Coalton Reynolds |
Distributed: 2013-11-05 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 11027
| Votes: 24 |
Rating: 2.04
Behind every man, there is a strong women. After my recent
split with my girlfriend of two years I have found myself
thinking how much I have changed. At first, I just thought I
was only different around her, but now I seem to be a
totally different person.
How To Find Work At Home Jobs For Work At Home Moms
Written by: Glen OReilly |
Distributed: 2009-11-03 |
Word Count: 1512 |
Page Views: 9386
| Votes: 29 |
Rating: 2.52
As the economy continues to tighten for many American families,
more moms are looking to the Internet to find the extra money
needed to help their families survive during this economically
challenging time. The good news is that there are plenty of
opportunities for the mom seeking to earn money from home... When
you know where to find them... This article will show you where
to find those work-at-home jobs and telecommuting jobs you
desire...
Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
Written by: Ingrid Stenquist |
Distributed: 2007-04-11 |
Word Count: 682 |
Page Views: 9335
| Votes: 33 |
Rating: 3.42
One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood
social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder.
Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective
Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk
were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen
as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling
by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.
Destructive Behaviors That Cause a Relationship Break Up
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-07-15 |
Word Count: 644 |
Page Views: 9321
| Votes: 21 |
Rating: 2.43
On the surface, you think that being in love is the greatest
thing since sliced bread, but underneath you're flailing and
kicking and trying to get back to the status quo, which is you
being alone and miserable. It sucks, but you're used to life
there. If Alone and Miserable were a bar, everybody there would
know your name.
Pepper Spray: How Does it Feel to Get Blasted?
Written by: Fred Cheney |
Distributed: 2007-12-18 |
Word Count: 477 |
Page Views: 9312
| Votes: 28 |
Rating: 2.61
It's something to think about. What would happen if you tried
to use pepper spray and it sprayed into your own eyes? And,
could you accidentally blind someone with it? Permanently maim
them? What are the effects of pepper spray? These are important
questions and they certainly have answers.
Dating Rules Explained: How to Turn Your Date Into a Relationship
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2013-10-16 |
Word Count: 779 |
Page Views: 8937
| Votes: 28 |
Rating: 1.64
How adults behave on a date depends more on their intentions
towards the other person than it does on other factors. For
instance, a man who really likes a woman is going to behave
differently towards her than he would a woman he is only casually
interested in. Sometimes, it is hard to know the difference.
I Want My Ex Back! 5 Tips That Will Improve Your Chances
Written by: James Kern |
Distributed: 2009-03-03 |
Word Count: 625 |
Page Views: 8778
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.73
Five killer tips that help you claw back your ex, even if your
situation seems in dire straits.
Highest Ranked "Family" Articles
Selective Mutism Disorder Is More Of A Problem Than You Think
Written by: Ingrid Stenquist |
Distributed: 2007-04-11 |
Word Count: 682 |
Page Views: 9335
| Votes: 33 |
Rating: 3.42
One of the worst and most severe manifestations of childhood
social anxiety disorders is labeled as Selective Mutism disorder.
Originally, fifteen years ago the disorder was called Elective
Mutism because doctors figured that all children who didn't talk
were either shy or in another category. Elective mutes were seen
as belligerent, stubborn, and obnoxious kids who were rebelling
by not talking against some effort in order to get attention.
Anybody Can Spend, but Can You Save?
Written by: Rich Thawley |
Distributed: 2009-01-22 |
Word Count: 527 |
Page Views: 4487
| Votes: 20 |
Rating: 3.25
We have a great weakness in our society of wanting immediate
gratification. We are under a constant barrage in all forms of
media to buy this or to buy that. In our world of credit cards
and charge accounts it is a challenge for many to resist the
temptations of materialism. Don't get me wrong, I think it's
fun to have nice things, but only after we can afford them.
How Can Bible Study Help Kids Grow Up?
Written by: Adam Barnett |
Distributed: 2007-10-23 |
Word Count: 463 |
Page Views: 5265
| Votes: 13 |
Rating: 3.15
Bible study is probably the number one way to keep your kids on
the right path, and keep them out of trouble. We can't watch our
kids all day and night, and we can't keep bad influences from
coming to them. But what we CAN do is make sure they know wrong
from right. This will help them when they face problems and major
decisions on their own.
Being a Parent... Opportunities to Turn A Bad Experience Into a Good Experience
Written by: Bill Platt |
Distributed: 2007-11-12 |
Word Count: 478 |
Page Views: 5716
| Votes: 21 |
Rating: 3.10
The biggest challenge I have had to face in my own life is that
of being a good parent. My kids make it hard for me to stay true
to the rules of good parenting... They break everything I own...
Repeatedly... Fortunately, I do have the presence of mind to
realize that as toddlers and young children, they really do not
intend to break things...
Home Alone Child Safety
Written by: Jerry Tarrer |
Distributed: 2007-03-21 |
Word Count: 1038 |
Page Views: 4469
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 3.00
Your child's safety depends to a large part on good
communication between you and your children. This is especially
true of two-income families, and single parent families where the
children are left alone for extended periods of time and have to
care for themselves.
PB and Js And Licking The Bowl - The Joys Of A Kid Friendly Kitchen!
Written by: Pamela Cole Harris |
Distributed: 2008-02-14 |
Word Count: 554 |
Page Views: 5336
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 3.00
Remember licking the bowl when you were a kid? Or making your own
peanut butter sandwiches with grape, or better yet strawberry,
jelly? Mmmmm... the smell of homemade oatmeal cookies! And they
were even better because you knew you helped make them! Kitchens
can be a place of special memories for kids of any generation.
Are you building those memories with your children or do you view
the kitchen as a dangerous place for kids?
Educational Toys Can Be Fun
Written by: Kim Michael |
Distributed: 2009-04-01 |
Word Count: 521 |
Page Views: 3611
| Votes: 10 |
Rating: 3.00
Most parents these days are looking for toys that can be both
educational and fun. When playing with our children, parents want
to teach as well as have fun.
Potty Training Made Easy
Written by: Kim Michael |
Distributed: 2009-04-07 |
Word Count: 507 |
Page Views: 4164
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.00
If you're the parent of a toddler, you are probably looking for
the right signs that your child is ready to be potty trained.
Potty training your child can be a frustrating time in your life.
When your child is ready to be potty trained, they will provide
to you clues that the timing is right. If you capitalize on these
clues, and use the right tools, this can be an exciting time in
your life, as well as your child's.
Understanding State Child Support Laws and Guidelines
Written by: Amerion Abler |
Distributed: 2007-01-15 |
Word Count: 1078 |
Page Views: 3422
| Votes: 12 |
Rating: 2.92
Child support is the government's means of ensuring that
children enjoy the financial security that a two-parent home
would have afforded them. This is the primary moral concern of
child support laws --- that children be well provided for --- and
it is based on the principle of responsibility. Read on as we
examine the role of child support and how to keep it fair for
both parents.
A Cruzader Christmas
Written by: Lisa Stockmann Karp |
Distributed: 2009-01-23 |
Word Count: 1185 |
Page Views: 5434
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 2.89
Jun and Joyce Dela Cruz couldn't believe their eyes. In November
2000, they watched a disturbing television news report that
changed their Christmas forever. Thousands of the more than
10,000 homeless on Los Angeles' Skid Row would be going without
a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal that year.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Article Reprint Rights
|
This work is
licensed under a
Creative Commons
License
You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
|
|
Article Statistics
|
Word Count: 1150
Total Views: 5505
Article Rating: 2.36 of 5
Votes Cast: 14
More Articles By Author:
Articles On This Website
Last Distribution Date:
2008-02-27 15:22:00
Internal ID: #5737
|
|
|
Home