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Relationship Questions: What Men Want and What Women Need
Copyright (c) 2010-2012 Bob Grant, All Rights Reserved
At least once a week one of my clients or someone who has purchased one of my e-books asks the same relationship question, "What do men really want?" It's pretty simple. Deep inside their hearts, what men want is to be trusted. Trust makes a man feel powerful. That's important, because most men crave power.
If a relationship lasts more than a few months, at some point a woman hears, "If you would just trust me . . .." Women find that phrase surprising and often frustrating. Men are equally puzzled why women don't seem to understand the importance they place on being trusted.
Men And Women Really Are Different
The explanation lies in the physiological differences between the sexes. At birth, males gain a distinct physical advantage over women thanks to higher testosterone levels. Greater strength allows males to either confront danger and defend themselves or to run away from a threat.
With the realization that they have the power to protect themselves comes greater self-reliance based on their strength. Females have far lower testosterone levels and cannot defend themselves to the same degree.
Strength Influences The Ability To Trust
Boys and men trust someone to invade their physical space secure in the knowledge that they can defend themselves physically if threatened or at least try to. People can only trust from a position of strength. This is true physically and emotionally.
Because they lack that distinct physical advantage, little girls grow into women who naturally have greater difficulty trusting when they feel vulnerable. They are even less inclined to trust if the threat, or perceived threat, is coming from a man.
When a man asks a woman he loves to simply trust him, it's not that simple for her. Women associate feelings with nearly every thought. When a woman hears the word "trust," she must feel the emotion for the word to have any meaning. Wanting to trust a man just isn't enough.
Men, if you want a woman to trust you, she will need something from you to help her develop that trust. She needs a tool or gesture that she can count on until that trust is established.
Create Trust By Keeping Your Word
Nothing will cultivate trust in a woman more than a man who consistently keeps his word. Women need to see men fulfill promises, not just make them. Let's look at an example of how witnessing something differs from hearing it.
Suppose someone told you I'm the meanest person they ever met. For months you hear about all the terrible things I've done to my family and friends. The longer you hear how mean and selfish I am, the easier it is for you to believe.
When we finally are introduced, however, you start to notice I really don't seem to be as awful as you were led to believe. I listen attentively. I don't respond arrogantly, with aggression or indifference. I seem genuinely interested and caring about you and the things you're saying about your life.
Thinking about the encounter later, you're surprised that I actually seemed quite pleasant. Would one meeting change your whole opinion about me? Probably not.
However, if, over a period of weeks, you see me respond consistently with kindness and humility, your opinion will change. You won't be able to ignore the paradox created by what you've heard about me and how you've seen me behave.
As the rumors fade, most, if not all, of your concerns about my character will be replaced by your own positive impressions. No more relationship questions. I will have gotten what men want -- trust -- by showing you that I'm worthy of that trust.
Strong Relationships Build From Trust
Relationship questions? Men, I promise...if you consistently treat the woman you love as someone you value, if you keep your word, you will be astounded at how quickly that trust will grow and along with it, your relationship.
When a woman trusts a man, she also has a strong desire to please him. Failing to keep your word with a woman creates fear and doubt. Being trustworthy, generates exactly the opposite reaction.
What men want is trust and women genuinely want to have faith in men. Every man has the ability to make that happen by simply doing what he says he's going to do. Keep your word. You'll not only earn her trust, you'll win her heart.
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