|
Article Directory
|
+ Authors
+ Articles
|
|
|
|
Rejection - Is It Real?
Copyright (c) 2006-2012 Carol Chanel
One thing I know about rejection is that it feels real. And even though it rarely is real, it sure feels that way.
Why is it rarely real?
First let's look at - what is rejection?
It looks or feels like someone decides they don't want to spend time, money, or share their heart with you.
A person seemingly rejects you in favor of someone or something else. Or so it seems at first glance.
Why You Might Take Rejection Personally?
What makes rejection seemingly hurt so much is that you perceive it to be a rejection of you personally. As a person, a human being.
The definition of rejection that we take personally is to 'discard as defective or useless.'
That zings right into our hearts.
One thing I know for certain -- absolutely no one on this earth can tell you that you're defective or useless. Well, they can tell you but you can 'reject' their comment.
The real pain behind rejection is that we think someone is saying we aren't worthy. We are defective or useless. Guess what, it's a lie.
IT'S A LIE!
You aren't defective, flawed or useless. Why is it a lie? No one is defective or useless. If you are breathing you have an opportunity to be quite useful and if there is something you want to change about your life, you can do that. No one is defective.
Why do you think that the other person's behavior, words or thoughts are about you? They aren't. It's about them. Always.
It's about what works and doesn't work for them. And if you don't work, match or fit for someone, I guarantee you that you will work, match or fit for someone else. And someone else will work better for you.
And if someone can make you feel defective or useless, then underneath, you feel that way, otherwise you would reject that thought.
You aren't defective. You aren't useless. You're a Goddess, be one, carry yourself as one. Act as if you are a Goddess until you fully believe it and honor it.
Client Examples
I worked with a fabulous woman - we'll call her Teresa. She is smart, kind, funny and very upbeat.
But every time a man didn't want to be with her, she felt rejected. And it would put her into a tailspin. She'd feel like she'd never meet a man that would like her for herself. Of course, then no man would come near her, because that was the energy she was putting out into the world 'you really won't want to come near me, I'm defective.' Of course, that wasn't what she meant to do.
The way life works - you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. So if you're thinking that someone might or will reject you that's exactly what will happen.
Teresa understood the concept of attracting what you think about. She and I worked on having her realize and focus on the things that she liked about herself. As she did that daily for a couple of months, she began to shift.
Step by step, she began to realize she wasn't defective and that she was useful, and so much more. She realized she was attractive, fun, smart, had a great sense of humor and she was discriminating. She didn't want any old man. She wanted a wonderful, kind, smart, funny, responsible, loving, passionate, healthy man.
When we looked at the various men who had been in her life and what had been going on with them, she realized they weren't a good fit for the new, authentic Teresa. She looked closely and realized they weren't rejecting her. It wasn't personal.
They had their own issues, insecurities, fears, etc. She quickly saw that she was better off without them in her life on a love relationship basis. They didn't work for her!
Neither person was defective or useless - they just weren't meant to be together in a romantic way.
Now she is dating and enjoying herself and holding herself in high-esteem.
Another client, I'll refer to her as Sarah, wrote me saying, "My boyfriend just broke up with me and I'm feeling so rejected. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. Can you give me some insights so that I don't have to feel badly about myself?"
Here's my response to her:
I know from reading your full email to me that the reason he broke up with you is that he wasn't ready for a long-term committed relationship, and you are.
So think of it this way: he wasn't rejecting you as a person, he was saying that what you wanted wasn't what he wanted right now. He is extremely busy - at age 33 - building his career and proving to himself that he can be successful. That is his choice. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with you.
Sarah, he isn't rejecting you, he is choosing HIS priorities. And career and success are his priorities. Not a relationship.
Keep staying open. Honor your choice and his choice. It's not personal. He has a right to his choices. And remember you are a Goddess and the best man will come into your life. Someone who is ready for a commitment. By letting him go, you are opening the space both in your heart and energetically for the best man.
So please keep working on yourself and keep your heart open. That way the man you are meant to be with can find you, and then the committed relationship you want will be right for both of you.
You are on the right track. Keep looking and loving
The BEST Relationship
When you are in the best relationship for yourself and for the other person, you'll know it. It doesn't mean you are home free. There is always work in relationships.
But that person - the best person - for you doesn't make you feel rejected when he has to take care of his own business.
You know he loves you - he tells you in different ways. He shows his feelings for you.
And you show him love and appreciation, which creates a safe and courageous space for him, and that makes a man really happy and a good partner.
Work on Yourself
So if this is a recurring theme in your life, then start right now to change it.
Begin by listing all the wonderful qualities you have. Then ask friends and family what it is they appreciate and like about you.
Then look back on past relationships and honestly ask yourself where the man was in his life when he stopped being with you. (Don't use the word rejection.) What was going on in his life? What kind of man was he really?
Often we love someone and know they are truly a good person, but their behavior is awful. Or maybe they just aren't available, so they can't be in a relationship. Maybe they came from an abusive home and they don't know how to love, or communicate.
Look honestly, and then answer this question:
'Were they rejecting me or were they unable to be in a relationship with a Goddess like me?'
What I notice, is the majority of women know the man wasn't a good fit, they were just afraid of being alone and so they settled. That's another article, but look and ask yourself honestly, if you were settling. You don't have to, so don't. And YOUR man will love you to pieces.
YOUR CHOICE
It's your choice whether you want to feel rejected or you want to accept that it wasn't the best person for you or vice versa. There isn't anything wrong in either case. No one is wrong, defective or useless. It just wasn't a good fit.
So don't feel badly about yourself. You're a Goddess!
If you want some help working through any old rejection patterns, call me, another coach, psychotherapist or a hypnotherapist. Don't hold on to it any longer.
When you love or like yourself, when you feel good about yourself, when you take care of yourself, you will feel free.
So love yourself, see your goodness, honor your Goddess.
(c) Carol Chanel, 2006
Carol Chanel is a Certified Personal Life Coach who works with people by phone, from all over the world, to help them get UNSTUCK, have more self-confidence, feel inspired and attract romantic, healthy relationships.
You can contact her at:
http://www.carolchanel.com
carol@carolchanel.com
310-998-8860
|
Follow "The Phantom Writers" on Twitter
(@phantomwriters)
to be notified when new articles are made available.
VOTE ON THIS ARTICLE
Needs Work >>
0 -
1 -
2 -
3 -
4 -
5
<< Excellent Article
Tell our authors what you think about their article.
|
Top-Level Category: Self Improvement Articles || Related Categories: Society Articles
10 Most Recent Articles Written by Carol Chanel
10 Easy Steps to Feeling Fabulous!
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2010-01-12 |
Word Count: 1238 |
Page Views: 1239
| Votes: 3 |
Rating: 2.67
Over the years of helping women learn to feel fabulous, I
realized there are 10 steps you have to take in order to
truly feel it. Before I tell you the 10 steps, I want to
first share with you what being fabulous really means and
what gets in the way of it. This way the steps will make
sense.
Victims And Relationships Dont Mix!
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2009-07-16 |
Word Count: 1392 |
Page Views: 1259
| Votes: 11 |
Rating: 2.36
In order for relationships to be truly fun, fulfilling, joyful
and loving both people have to be emotionally healthy. That
doesn't mean you still don't have some issues to resolve -
that's part of life. It does mean that you aren't living a life
as a victim of a past experience(s) and continuing to recreate
more victim experiences.
Nice Has Its Price!
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2009-07-14 |
Word Count: 845 |
Page Views: 1092
| Votes: 13 |
Rating: 2.38
The key to living your life from a place of freedom, peace and
joy is that if you try to live your life to please others, or to
do what they think you should, you'll never be happy or fulfill
your dreams. These tips can help lead you to a more happy, more
fulfilling life...
How To Say No!
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2009-07-09 |
Word Count: 912 |
Page Views: 1214
| Votes: 13 |
Rating: 3.08
We've all have had the experience where we meant to say no to
someone. We knew it was going to be difficult but we were
determined this time. Then next thing you know, we're saying
yes. How did that happen? Why did that happen? Do you notice that
the very people you mean to say no to, are the ones who seem to
draw the life energy out of you?
Are Your Decisions Crushing Your Spirit?
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2009-07-08 |
Word Count: 829 |
Page Views: 1408
| Votes: 13 |
Rating: 1.38
Next time you have to make a decision about a job, a
relationship, a promotion, or even a date, I want you to run the
fear-based vs. trust-based test past it.
Do's And Don'ts Of A Great Relationship!
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2009-07-07 |
Word Count: 1296 |
Page Views: 1112
| Votes: 11 |
Rating: 2.18
The other day I asked a couple I had coached to consciously model
a great relationship for his younger brother and girlfriend. I
realize a lot of us never knew what a great relationship looked
like. We didn't know what to do and not do. We only had in our
minds relationships we saw at home, our friend's relationships,
those we saw on TV or in the movies, or read about in books. So
what does a great relationship look like? Read this article to
get a list of the do's and don'ts of a great relationship...
What Is Your Negative Self-Talk Doing To You?
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-14 |
Word Count: 1234 |
Page Views: 2328
| Votes: 13 |
Rating: 2.85
What is your negative self-talk doing to your health? Your heart?
Your soul?
How To Turn Your Breakup Into A Blast Off!
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-07 |
Word Count: 875 |
Page Views: 1339
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 2.33
The other night I watched the Jack Nicholson-Diane Keaton
romantic comedy, 'Something's Gotta Give' for the third time.
I wondered what I liked about the movie that motivated me to
watch it so many times. Sure the writing and the acting is first
rate, the locations are spectacular and seeing Jack Nicholson
in a comedic role is always a treat and Keanu Reeves is a
pleasure to look at.
Do You Take Things Personally? Learn How Not To
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-02 |
Word Count: 1891 |
Page Views: 10241
| Votes: 45 |
Rating: 4.13
Do you take things personally and wish you didn't? Do you want
to know how not to take things personally? Every time I say I
help people learn how not to take things personally I always get
the same response oh, I need help with that.
5 Steps to Living Softly
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-10-24 |
Word Count: 1141 |
Page Views: 1676
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.67
Women have gotten busy and successful and lost touch with the
advantages of being soft. This article will guide you through
five steps to reconnect with living softly and help you
understand why it's so important to you and the people in your
life.
All of Author's Articles on this site: Carol Chanel Articles
Most Recent "Self Improvement" Articles
How To Avoid The Pitfalls, Wrong Turns, Broken Hearts Of Online Dating
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-17 |
Word Count: 657 |
Page Views: 1461
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.40
As an experienced online dater, I feel qualified to help you avoid
pitfalls, wrong turns, broken hearts, and the general
catastrophes associated with internet wooing. Read on as I
examine many of the pitfalls of online dating and how to avoid
them...
Getting Past First Base In The Dating Game
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-11 |
Word Count: 947 |
Page Views: 626
Dates are supposed to be fun, right? And there are questions
burning holes in your gut, on your first meeting? This
ice-breaker has worked well for me in the past.
Are All Online Dating Profiles Faked? Get the Facts
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-09 |
Word Count: 944 |
Page Views: 1344
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 4.20
Most of us have dated at least offline, and some of us have dated
online. Either way, online dating can be a good experience for
each one of us - if we don't let the bad outshine the good. This
article will help you identify fake online profiles, so that you
can improve upon your online dating experience.
'Limitless' Has Wisdom
Written by: Paul Kyriazi |
Distributed: 2011-09-16 |
Word Count: 1145 |
Page Views: 586
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 5.00
Want the brain power of Eddie in 'Limitless'? We in the real
world can't access that much brain power, but with the right
tools and clarity of mind on our part, we can have tons of
information ready to use, if only we make the decision to do so.
How to Eliminate Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Written by: Dr Jeannette Kavanagh |
Distributed: 2011-09-12 |
Word Count: 895 |
Page Views: 371
The fact that you can't explain why you feel so terrified is
often the most upsetting, but there are ways you can learn to
learn how to send those fears packing.
Take The Dating Scene One Step At A Time, After Divorce
Written by: RoseMary Alberts |
Distributed: 2011-08-31 |
Word Count: 567 |
Page Views: 1085
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 4.00
After divorce, the word "dating" scares a lot of people.
If you've been married a long time you probably have lost
track of all the unwritten rules or even how to go about
meeting new eligible people. Many people immediately take
off for the clubs thinking that that is the place they are
going to meet someone. You may meet someone there, but it
depends on what you are looking for. But, if you are looking
for more, this article will help you find your way...
Online Dating Is Easy, But Successful Relationships Require Hard Work
Written by: Denice Ritter |
Distributed: 2011-08-25 |
Word Count: 564 |
Page Views: 1050
| Votes: 1 |
Rating: 4.00
My nineteenth anniversary will be here in a week and a half.
So what's so exceptional about that in Mormon Utah? Just
this: I have a mail-order husband. He has a mail-order
bride. In those days, there was no Internet, and therefore,
there was no such thing as online dating. I had to do it the
hard way...
Increase Your Online Dating Success By Including The Most Appropriate Photos
Written by: Kandice Skaggs |
Distributed: 2011-08-18 |
Word Count: 599 |
Page Views: 1080
| Votes: 2 |
Rating: 4.50
Because so many people are using dating sites now, it is
hard to stand out in a crowd. You need to get the other
viewers' attention in less than 10 seconds. You have to
grab it. Because people are so visual, a photo is essential.
Tips For Building a Successful Long Distance Relationship
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2011-08-16 |
Word Count: 731 |
Page Views: 1292
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.07
From time to time, life will hand you a twist, and you will be
required to move from one place to another - this can be the
result of a job transfer, leaving home to attend college, or any
of a number of other reasons. When you move from one town to
another, it is not always possible to bring your partner with
you, and this sometimes leads to the formation of a long distance
relationship (LDR).
Tips To Help You Spot and Avoid Online Dating Scams
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2011-08-11 |
Word Count: 1082 |
Page Views: 1464
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 2.67
When seeking romance on the Internet, you should be aware of the
many scammers that are seeking to victimize those looking for
love.
Most Viewed "Self Improvement" Articles
Fill-In-The-Blank Bio Templates to Write Your Personal or Professional Bio
Written by: Barbra Sundquist |
Distributed: 2008-04-17 |
Word Count: 654 |
Page Views: 27953
| Votes: 110 |
Rating: 2.49
It's not hard to write a personal or professional bio when you
use the fill-in-the-blank bio templates provided in this article.
All you have to do is choose one or two sentences from each of
the four categories and add your details. The result will be a
first-rate personal or professional bio.
Making Women Lust For You
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-10-29 |
Word Count: 566 |
Page Views: 19403
| Votes: 74 |
Rating: 1.69
Ways to be the man women will lust for. Offers suggestions on how
to improve your physical image as well as your personality to
make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex.
Why Is Failure The Steppingstone To Success?
Written by: Kent Jacobson a.k.a. Mr. Success |
Distributed: 2007-06-07 |
Word Count: 156 |
Page Views: 12257
| Votes: 132 |
Rating: 1.80
The pervasive misperception is that failure is somehow bad for
you. I think failure is just the opposite and have identified 8
reasons why failure is your steppingstone to success.
Do You Take Things Personally? Learn How Not To
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-02 |
Word Count: 1891 |
Page Views: 10241
| Votes: 45 |
Rating: 4.13
Do you take things personally and wish you didn't? Do you want
to know how not to take things personally? Every time I say I
help people learn how not to take things personally I always get
the same response oh, I need help with that.
She Won't Call Me Back
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-11-07 |
Word Count: 503 |
Page Views: 8527
| Votes: 27 |
Rating: 3.26
How to proceed when the woman you connected with won't return
your phone calls or emails. Tips for determining whether you
should continue to try to contact her or forget her and move on
to someone new.
Talking About Past Relationships
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-11-13 |
Word Count: 685 |
Page Views: 6134
| Votes: 15 |
Rating: 2.60
How much information do you give your girlfriend about your past
relationships? Offers tips for how to answer the question from
your girlfriend about your past relationship what to tell, and
what not to tell.
She Wants You Back
Written by: Kathy Stafford |
Distributed: 2007-11-05 |
Word Count: 482 |
Page Views: 4384
| Votes: 12 |
Rating: 2.42
How to handle a touchy situation when the girl who left you wants
you back. Offers tips on how to determine if you should re-kindle
your relationship with her or move on to someone new.
Feeling Invisible? Stop Complaining: How to ask for what you want
Written by: Kathy Gates |
Distributed: 2006-08-31 |
Word Count: 697 |
Page Views: 3903
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 1.88
I feel invisible! My kids don't listen to me, my husband
doesn't listen to me. I've told my boss a dozen times about
that vendor problem, but still it's the same thing. Sound
familiar?
Burris Life Coaching Sets New Standards for Life Coach Certification
Written by: Kelly Burris |
Distributed: 2006-10-12 |
Word Count: 658 |
Page Views: 3732
| Votes: 17 |
Rating: 2.71
What determines human behavior? There is not a Life Coach or for
that matter a psychologist, psychiatrist or physician who can
definitively answer this question yet this is the most
fundamental question if you wish to initiate permanent behavior
change. If you can not answer this question, how can you possibly
expect to help someone make a change in their behavior let alone
a permanent change? How can you move forward if you do not know
what is moving you forward.
How To Be Happy -- With Whatever Life Gives You!
Written by: Bruce Elkin |
Distributed: 2008-01-28 |
Word Count: 1087 |
Page Views: 3679
| Votes: 14 |
Rating: 2.07
The way we make ourselves happy is unique to each of us. But the ways we make ourselves unhappy are remarkably common to all of us. So, perhaps, by not doing the things that makes us unhappy, we can create more space for deep and lasting happiness we long for.
Highest Ranked "Self Improvement" Articles
Are All Online Dating Profiles Faked? Get the Facts
Written by: Lance Metzger |
Distributed: 2012-05-09 |
Word Count: 944 |
Page Views: 1344
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 4.20
Most of us have dated at least offline, and some of us have dated
online. Either way, online dating can be a good experience for
each one of us - if we don't let the bad outshine the good. This
article will help you identify fake online profiles, so that you
can improve upon your online dating experience.
Do You Take Things Personally? Learn How Not To
Written by: Carol Chanel |
Distributed: 2006-11-02 |
Word Count: 1891 |
Page Views: 10241
| Votes: 45 |
Rating: 4.13
Do you take things personally and wish you didn't? Do you want
to know how not to take things personally? Every time I say I
help people learn how not to take things personally I always get
the same response oh, I need help with that.
Time Management For Busy Moms
Written by: Jance Hayes |
Distributed: 2006-07-12 |
Word Count: 348 |
Page Views: 1436
| Votes: 6 |
Rating: 4.00
How do you do it? You work 40 hours a week, commute eight, cook,
clean, read bed time stories, help with homework, finagle home
finances and still have time for yourself and your spouse. Is
there an easier way? Before you peanut butter that gum out of
Sarah's hair or hunt down Cameron's pet rat, take a deep breath
and try these helpful time management tips:
The Key to Success in Psychometric Tests Personality and Aptitude
Written by: Ron Clover |
Distributed: 2008-02-13 |
Word Count: 793 |
Page Views: 1492
| Votes: 8 |
Rating: 3.88
In the current job market, being invited to a job interview
almost always entails taking psychometric tests. The two main
elements in psychometric testing consist of personality tests
and aptitude (IQ) tests.
Spring Clean Your Life!
Written by: Jan Hornford |
Distributed: 2008-05-13 |
Word Count: 1091 |
Page Views: 1260
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 3.80
My spring cleaning has been centered on eliminating tolerations.
Tolerations are anything that you are putting up with that drains
your energy or irritates you. Eliminating tolerations is a simple
way to get you into action, generate momentum and create energy
in your life.
Law of Success: Part II
Written by: Sharif Khan |
Distributed: 2007-07-18 |
Word Count: 1856 |
Page Views: 1660
| Votes: 9 |
Rating: 3.78
Learn the Success Secrets of over 500 of the world's greatest
achievers in this special three part educational series
commemorating the work of Napoleon Hill's classic bestseller,
'Law of Success.'
Coping With Your Stresses And Anxieties In The Business World
Written by: Stanley Popovich |
Distributed: 2008-03-27 |
Word Count: 490 |
Page Views: 1118
| Votes: 5 |
Rating: 3.60
Everybody deals with anxieties and stresses in the business
world, however sometimes our anxieties can get the best of us. As
a result, here is a list of techniques that a person can use to
help manage their daily stresses and anxieties at their job and
in the business world.
Ten Things You Can Do To Decrease Your Stress At The Office
Written by: Chris Le Roy |
Distributed: 2006-08-24 |
Word Count: 2971 |
Page Views: 1622
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.57
The world we live on is nothing but a mound of chaotic pressure
that is building to the point it bursts like a volcano. We are
bombarded with pressure from our employers, our customers and
families to the point where some people actually do break. Most
of us today in professional lives spend between 8 and 16 hours a
day at the office, which equates to almost two-thirds of our
lives being in a place we really do not want to be in, but there
are things you can do to decrease the stress in your office.
The Heart of The Matter - The Most Sought After Frontier - And If It Isn't, Shouldn't It Be? Episode #2 -Feelings -The Big Cover-Up!
Written by: Bronwyn NobleStar |
Distributed: 2007-10-25 |
Word Count: 819 |
Page Views: 992
| Votes: 7 |
Rating: 3.57
Did you start your day with LOVE or HATE? By asking this
underlying question the quality of your life can be improved! Do
you always recognize that what you experience is based on
feelings? Does it really matter? You bet! Generally, the ego does
such a good job of covering up, burying or hiding your feelings
that you may have forgotten the way to The Heart of The Matter -
your emotions...your feelings!
Law of Success: Part I
Written by: Sharif Khan |
Distributed: 2007-07-17 |
Word Count: 1173 |
Page Views: 1581
| Votes: 16 |
Rating: 3.56
Learn the Success Secrets of over 500 of the world's greatest
achievers in this special three part educational series
commemorating the work of Napoleon Hill's classic bestseller,
'Law of Success.'
|
|
|
Article Reprint Rights
|
This work is
licensed under a
Creative Commons
License
You are not required to show the creative commons license notice when you reprint this work.
|
|
Article Statistics
|
Word Count: 1383
Total Views: 1439
Views This Month: 19
Views Last Month: 21
Article Rating: 2.67 of 5
Votes Cast: 6
Author Overall Stats:
Times Viewed Overall: 28061
Author Rating: 2.86 of 5
Votes Cast Overall: 176
More Articles By Author:
Articles On This Website
Article Title Search:
Widow Search
Right Blinker
Google
Yahoo!
Zuula
Bing
Cuil
Last Distribution Date:
2006-10-17 10:36:00
|
|
|
Home
for Writers
for Publishers
Article Directory
Article Search
Contact
Get RSS Feed
