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Thank you for adhering to these four very simple rules.
When You Need Answers... Be Careful How You Ask For Them
Copyright © 2005, Laurie Weiss Ph.D.
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Especially when you are in a situation where a misstep can cause
real problems...
1. Before you ask anything, gather as much information as you
can about a situation by careful observation.
* Listen to the topics that are discussed
* Notice topics that are not discussed.
* Pay attention to nonverbal clues -- posture, tone of voice
* Notice relative power positions of the people present in
the situation -- even furniture placement and seating
arrangements.
2. Think about what additional information you need to better
understand the situation. Look for the missing pieces.
3. Use your intuition. What is your hunch or guess about what
is going on? What do you wish you knew?
4. Ask questions only when you are truly unsure of what the
answers will be.
5. Listen carefully to the answers that are presented to you.
* Give it your full attention.
* Ask clarifying questions only if you cannot understand the
answer you are hearing.
* Wait until the answer is complete before you comment on it.
* Treat everyone with respect - avoid being condescending in
any way.
6. Never ask a question when you are already sure of the answer.
The only reason to do this is to catch someone else doing
something wrong. If you do this, others will sense it and feel
resentful or put down even if you think you are being subtle.
7. Be willing to be vulnerable. Take responsibility for your own
mistakes or lack of information. In this situation,saving face
(your own) is not nearly as important as helping others save
face!
8. If you feel attacked or challenged by the answer to one of
your questions, do not defend yourself. Respond by stating your
understanding of what was said. Ask if your understanding is
accurate.
9. Keep asking questions until you are sure you understand what
you need to know about the situation, and as long as others are
willing to respond to you.
10. Thank everyone who is present.
Excerpted from Lesson 16 of "The Integrity Course,"
Copyright 2005 Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
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Writer's Resource Box:
Learn more about asking questions with grace and skill in
"The Integrity Course," an online, multimedia course to
help you say what you think without getting fired or losing
your friends. http://www.TheIntegrityCourse.com or email:
feedback@laurieweiss.com
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D. is an internationally-known executive
coach, psychotherapist, and author.
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The article on this page is Copyright © 2005, Laurie Weiss Ph.D.
You are not required to show the creative commons license
notice when you reprint this work.
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