Compared to the "real world" dating, some people view online
dating as less safe. Nothing can be further from the truth!
The opinion probably persists due to the fact that in real life
we usually meet people who were introduced to us by someone we
know and trust, or in a transparent situation, such as at work or
school/university.
But because no one introduces you to your online dates, this does
not mean online dating is unsafe - quite the opposite!
In fact, meeting someone online is much safer than meeting
someone at your local bar: you cannot get hurt by sitting in
front of your computer.
All you need to do to make online dating work for you is to
exercise some caution. You would not let a stranger into your
home and your private life, without getting to know them first,
would you? Don't do it online, either.
Here are 8 essential steps that will help you make your online
dating experience secure and rewarding.
1. Anonymous Dating
It's a great advantage that contacts entered through an online
dating site are anonymous, so you can maintain your privacy, but
there are some drawbacks, too - some people might not be what
they say they are. While there are not many people like this,
they do exist. Most dating sites don't screen their members. You
should exercise caution and common sense in your communication
with other members.
2. Overseas Contacts
Be especially careful in communication with members from other
countries than your own. Some people might try to use your
limited knowledge of those countries to take advantage of you.
Please be advised to never wire any finance on request of
overseas members, whether to help in an emergency or travel
arrangements. If you intend to meet overseas members, remember to
consult your immigration authorities first, and choose an
appropriate option.
3. Getting to know each other
Never give your personally identifiable information to anyone you
do not know well. Use the website's anonymous messaging system
for the first contacts. Ask many questions and listen to their
answers: * Do they answer the questions you ask? * Does their
story seem credible? * Don't they avoid certain questions, such
as their marital situation, who they live with etc? * Aren't
they too sweet and seem to agree with everything you say? Those
are the red flags that should make you cautious.
4. Sending photos
It is the old truth that the picture is worth a thousand words.
Ask the people you are writing to for their photos and send them
yours. If they never ask for your photos, this is strange because
everyone wants to know how the person they are dating looks like!
Don't send old photos or photos where you don't look like your
real self: once you meet in real life, the picture should match
the person behind it, or they will feel disappointed. But it does
not mean you cannot send pictures that present you in the best
way: send a photo of yourself with a happy smile; it's always a
winner! When your dates look at your photos, they try to figure
out what type of person you are: if you look grumpy, they will
think you are grumpy. If you look happy and easygoing, this, too,
is what they will think of you. If you do not have recent photos,
ask a friend with a digital camera to take some pictures of you.
Choose the best shots only and erase the ones you don't like. Ask
your correspondents how recent the photos are they sent you to
avoid a possible disappointment.
5. Giving away your email address
When you feel comfortable with your communication, you can give
them your personal email address. Register a separate email
account for this purpose, and only use it for your personal
correspondence. If something goes wrong in your relationships,
you can always close down this account and open a new one. Keep
asking questions and discuss different things. If all your
communication seems to be going one way, then they probably have
their own agenda.
6. Giving away your phone number
When you feel comfortable with the person you have been emailing
to, give them your contact phone number, preferably your mobile.
Do not give away your work number (or your work email address),
ever! After all, you do not want someone to email your boss or
phone your office, in case the relationship does not work.
7. Meeting face to face
After you have emailed one another, and talked on the phone a few
times, it's time to meet face to face. If people are happy to
communicate with you online but don't want to use the phone or
meet you in person, this might be due to the fact that they have
misrepresented themselves. Real, honest people that seek love and
partnership don't want never-ending virtual courtship; they want
the real thing.
Only meet in a public place for the first date, and preferably,
set up a time limit for the date. For example, you can say you
only have half an hour before a business appointment; this will
help if the date does not go as you hoped for. A 'coffee date' is
a safe bet. If you are a woman, never go to unknown places;
instead, suggest your own variant of a place for the meeting,
where service personnel knows you, at least visually. If a man is
decent, he will honor your request.
Tell someone that you have a date with a person you have met
online; it can be your mother or a sibling, a person, who will
not judge you. If you don't feel like telling anyone, make a note
about the person you are meeting and how you got to know him/her,
and place it where this information can be found.
Have your own transport to get home from the place of the
meeting; better still, have a friend to fetch you. Never allow
your date to take you home, even if something is wrong with your
car. Phone a friend or call a taxi instead. Make sure you are not
followed when leaving the place of the meeting - especially if no
one has shown up.
When you meet your date, don't jump to conclusions straight away.
You might unintentionally create an image in your mind, which is
different from the real person; this is not their fault; give
them a chance. It's quite common to feel awkward at first; simply
relax and try not to concentrate on the outcome: doesn't matter
if they like you or not, you are still enjoying the date. If you
need to concentrate on something, concentrate on having fun! If
this helps, remember that they are also nervous and they can only
hope you will like them.
Smile! Nothing helps to break the ice better than friendliness
and openness. Talk about something that you have shared in your
last emails, so that they feel you are indeed the same person
they have been talking to for a while.
But still, use caution. Have your mobile phone with you. Don't
leave your drink unattended. If you have to leave the table,
order a fresh drink on your return.
Pay for yourself. If you decided to never meet this person again,
do not tell them about it on the date. Tell about it in an email.
If the person asks how the date was, tell them: 'Great! I will
email you tonight'. It's not easy to face rejection, so make it
as polite and nice, as you can.
8. Advancing your relationship
If you enjoyed the first date, keep seeing one another for a
while before moving further. Don't progress too fast; you must
really get to know the person before deciding to have a
relationship of any kind. If the person shares with you a land-
line phone number, presents a business card etc, those are good
signs: they trust you and want to continue the relationship. It's
now up to you to decide, whether to accept their invitation or
not.
Most of all - HAVE FUN, because this is what it's all about. Some
people will not be what you are looking for, and you cannot be
right for everyone. But if you persist, you will be doing better
and better. It takes loads of rubble to find gold. Remember that
each encounter is a learning experience that can make you more
successful. You may be yet another person to find your soul mate
through an online dating site - just like thousands of other
people before you!
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