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Lose the Losers
Copyright © 2005, Alan Stafford , All Rights Reserved
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"Lose the Losers" is one of the best dating tips for a successful
relationship. The phrase sounds crass and cruel. After all, we're
taught that every individual has value, and that's true. But this
is different. This is dating. This is your relationship and your
life. You don't owe your dates anything more than courtesy and
kindness. You don't owe them a second date. You certainly don't
owe them sex-ever.
Moreover, when we say "Losers" we mean losers as in losers and
keepers, not losers and winners. In dating, there are dates who
are keepers - at least until they disappoint you. The rest are
losers. The losers are people who may be wonderful human beings.
They're just not right for you. In some ways, dating is like
fishing: some you keep, the rest you throw back.
When men and women start dating someone new, they often develop a
feeling of obligation to the other person. If the date was polite
and considerate, many women will fell that they owe the man
another date. If he's created an elaborate, expensive or romantic
date, many women feel obligated to have sex with a man.
Especially if it's the second or third date, and the man has
spent a significant amount of money on the dates.
That's faulty thinking that gets people into trouble. There are
many good reasons to continue seeing someone new, but obligation
is not one of them. You don't have to continue dating someone you
have no attraction for. To be really happy, however, you do have
to be true to yourself. Being true to yourself means being in a
relationship only with someone you admire and respect. If a man
meets your requirements and needs, keep him. If he doesn't, he's
a dating loser. Throw him back for someone else to catch, and
keep looking. Remember, a loser is not a bad person. Someone out
there will fall in love with him and even marry him. The loser is
someone who is just not Mr. Right for you.
Whether it's the very first date, or the second, or the third,
decide minute by minute, hour by hour, if this relationship is
working so far. A man is a keeper on every single date until
something happens to make him a throwback. You're just dating.
You are not in the commitment stage. A man is a throwback at any
point that he no longer meets your expectations for a long-term
relationship.
If you want to create that perfect relationship for yourself,
get yourself a keeper. The way to find a keeper is to lose the
losers. Be choosy.
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