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Thank you for adhering to these four very simple rules.
When we're young, we're taught to play nice and share.
Selfishness is a vice, and consideration a virtue. We carry those
beliefs with us into adulthood where they work well in everyday
life. But, the situation is different when you're dating. Dating
is all about finding someone who meets your requirements for a
mate. It's not about molding yourself to fit your partner's
requirements. So, the best way to have long term success in your
relationship? Be more selfish when dating.
Most men and women aren't nearly selfish enough when they are
dating. That may sound backward to you because you try to be on
your best behavior during a date. You try to make a good
impression. You try to be considerate and selfless because you
want the other person to like you. While this selflessness makes
you a great date, it doesn't get you what you want. It doesn't
get you a life partner who meets your definition of a good mate.
Years later, you're unhappy. You really didn't choose a mate; you
were chosen.
It's All About Him
You make a big mistake when you set aside your feelings and cater
totally to the other person desires so that he or she will like
you. That's bad for two reasons.
First, it's not fair to your date. He never gets to know you:
your tastes, your preferences, and your personality. So how could
he know if the two of you are really compatible? Express
yourself. Let him know your preferences and your quirks. Give him
the chance to bail if you don't fit his ideal for a partner.
Don't show him just your good side in order to have a
relationship. Br open, and be real. If he's the man for you,
he'll accept you and will want to please you. If he's not the man
for you, better to find out now instead of after the wedding when
you have a big mortgage and small kids.
It's All About You
You're also being unfair to yourself. By suppressing your desires
and preferences, you are letting your partner set the terms of
the relationship. That doesn't work long term. In fact, a major
cause of divorces is because one or both spouses "settled" for
the other in order to have a relationship and get married.
Don't settle. Be selfish. This is your relationship, too. You
have the right to choose anyone and reject anyone for any reason.
You don't owe your dates anything except courtesy and kindness.
You will owe your spouse a lifetime of love and commitment. The
more selfish you are during the dating process-the choosier you
are when selecting a life partner-the easier it will be to love
and to cherish.
Selfish In Dating, But Selfless In Love
If you're dating the right person, he or she will love you just
as you are. There are plenty of prospects who will meet your
requirements and needs. Prospects who fit your ideal of a life
partner. But, you'll never find them if you settle for something
less than you want. Be up front from the beginning. Express
yourself freely and openly. It's not phony, it's not pretentious:
it's you being you. You can still be charming and polite. But, be
prepared for a lot of dates to walk away. The fact that you
weren't right for them means that they weren't right for you.
Right? Openness and honesty in dating will also carry forward
into openness and honesty in marriage. Knowing that you are right
for each other before the wedding is the secret to a lifetime of
wedded bliss as a couple.
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