Are you open to liking the people that you meet?
When you meet new people for the first time, do you usually like
most of the new people that you meet?
Or do you find that you usually dislike new people, unless they
can eventually prove after a long time that they deserve your
friendship?
Perhaps you have never thought about this before. And you may
even wonder if it's really important. Does it really matter very
much if you like most people when you first meet them, or if you
decide to like them later on, after you get to know them better?
Your initial attitude to the new people you encounter will
actually have a big impact on the number of friends you make,
and the social life you enjoy.
Why? Because the attitude you have when you first meet somebody
will affect the way that you treat those people, and the
impression you make on them.
When you have the attitude of liking someone you have just met,
they will feel pleased to know you and will want to know you
better. They will probably sense that you like them, and they
will be more inclined to judge you in a kind and positive way.
If you like most of the people you encounter, you will have a
far larger group of people in your friendship pool. When you
genuinely like other people, they will be much more inclined to
like you back.
On the other hand, when you don't like people when you meet them,
they will feel uncomfortable in your presence and they will want
to avoid you. They may sense that you don't like them. They may
even decide to dislike you in return. Every person that you
dislike will automatically be excluded from the pool of people
who can become your friends.
When you don't like the majority of people that you meet, your
friendship pool for making friends is much smaller.
If there is one secret to having friends, it's a simple one,
and here it is: Like Other People!
If you dislike almost everyone you meet, how many friends do you
think you will make with this attitude? Very few of us want to
get closer to a person when we sense that he doesn't like us.
If you usually operate with a big long mental list of reasons
to reject others, you will assume that other people are also
deciding to reject you. If you routinely dislike other people
because you are looking for their flaws, you won't believe that
others can really like you. When you reject other people for
trivial reasons, you will also assume that others will reject
you for trivial reasons.
This negative attitude will make you very suspicious when you
encounter others, since you will be anticipating rejection from
other people at any moment.
Wouldn't it be easier and more effective to give everyone a
break?
When you meet other people, give other people a break, and give
yourself a break too.
When you meet people for the first time, start out with the
assumption that most people you encounter are nice human beings
and worthy of your friendship. You can choose to believe that
just about everybody you meet actually likes you, and that you
like most other people. People who are very socially confident
and have a lot of friends tend to have this attitude.
If this hasn't been your attitude so far, you can work to change
it.
How can you change this?
Whenever you meet someone new, actively look for things to like
in that person. Look for their interesting and unique qualities.
Suspend your need to judge and analyze others, and simply meet
them as ordinary human beings who are struggling and evolving,
and making their way through life, just like you.
Let yourself make small talk so that you can find things that you
like about each person, and let yourself feel that you actually
like them. Let yourself actually feel the sensation that you
like them.
You will find that when your attitude changes, the world will
become a friendlier place, because you have become a friendlier
person.
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