This article is about Anne, a thirty-five year woman who 
concluded that she could never find a man. Anne came to the 
conclusion that loneliness was her fate and thus she went as 
far as accepting it as fact. As a client who later became a 
friend of mine, Anne's success story is very emotional and 
powerful. Her case proves what we have discovered in our 
research. That is, it does not matter what your circumstances 
are, every man or woman can and is able to find a meaningful 
relationship or improve their love life.

Anne was a very attractive and educated woman. When she first 
became a client of mine, it never occurred to me the problems 
she carried underneath her beauty. Little did I know how much 
she was hurting. Throughout my counseling career, I had never 
come across any client like Anne prior to meeting her. When 
Anne's counseling began, I must admit that I honestly thought 
she was beyond help. Anne grew up in a family where she was led 
to believe that no man would ever want her. She was the best 
looking and educated amongst her family members. Yet, for many 
years she worked in the family business for minimum wage. The 
sad part was she was willing to work under those terms until 
the day she died because she had accepted that she was the 
black sheep of the family.

One of the ideas I suggested to Anne, to help her to stop 
thinking she will never find love, was to start dating. But, 
she was even afraid to date. When the suggestion was made, Anne 
declined to try saying, "But who wants me? No man will date a 
woman like me." I tried my very best to let Anne know that she 
is a very attractive woman. All she needed to do is believe 
there is a man out there for her. Besides her thinking that 
no man will ever want her, Anne had also experienced two men 
attempting to kidnap her. This made her even more afraid to be 
alone with any man. She believed that all men out there may try 
to kidnap and rape her, if possible. 

Now you can understand why --- in the beginning --- I was concern 
Anne could not be helped. She was so afraid of having to be with 
a man, that the thought made her cry. I personally began feeling 
sorry for her. As a relationship counselor, I could not 
understand why she was so afraid to venture outside. 

I finally reached a point where the only choice I had left in 
the attempt to help Anne was to give her an ultimatum. I became 
so frustrated with her I told her, "Anne, you can do it. I am 
willing to help you but if you are going to come to me, make 
one excuse after the other, then why bother? Don't waste my 
time. Anne you must try. Give guys a chance to take you out at 
least in the daytime. If you are concerned, tell someone about 
your date, your date's name and phone number, where you will 
be going and what time you should be arriving home."  

"Don't let your date pick you up from your mom's house. Meet 
him somewhere in the open. This way he does not know where you 
live and you will not have to worry about him coming to look 
for you." I proceeded to tell Anne that unless she was willing 
to try, I didn't see any reason why she should even continue 
coming in for counseling.

At the same time, I knew a spiritual couple who were visiting 
from the US. I invited Anne to have dinner with myself and the 
couple in the hopes that the wife could befriend Anne. Anne 
didn't have any friends. The only people she met were myself, 
my soulmate and a couple of friends I had introduced Anne to. 
Unfortunately none of them wanted to befriend Anne because she 
was so negative about everything. People simply did not want 
to be around her. After the dinner was over, we all began to 
converse. 

I had tried to encourage Anne to leave home and be her own 
woman. For one thing she was also being physically assaulted 
by her brother. I witnessed Anne and her brother in a 
disagreement one day. When the brother was approaching Anne, 
Anne turned to her side, put her arms over her face saying, 
"Don't hit me, don't f*cking hit me." When I witnessed that, 
I almost wept.

As we talked after dinner, the woman began to share a story with 
Anne. If my memory is not failing me, the story went something 
like this. Mrs. Tolley told Anne: 

   "Anne there was once an eaglet who grew up with ducks. When 
   the eaglet grew strong wings to fly, the mother duck told 
   the eaglet, eagle you hatched with ducks but you are not a 
   duck. You are an eagle. Eagles don't walk they fly. So fly 
   away to be with eagles..."  

   The eaglet replied, "No, I am not an eagle. I am a duck. 
   I cannot fly." 

   The mother duck told the eagle, "Yes, you are an eagle. You 
   were hatched by a duck but you are an eagle. You can fly."

   The eaglet was so afraid to try it replied, "No, I cannot 
   fly. I am a duck --- if try to fly, I will fail." 

   The mother duck told the eagle, "You are an eagle. You don't 
   belong here. Fly and be with your own and you will be much 
   happier. Try, please try. Eagles fly they don't walk. You 
   are an eagle you can fly." 

   The eagle thought for a minute. It began to stretch and 
   flap it wings. It bounced around a little then it and flew. 
   As it flew it realized it could fly and began to sore in 
   the air.


We all sat and listened to this emotional story. I know I wept 
and so did Anne. I cared about Anne so much. I wanted her find 
happiness. 

Not long after and with a little encouragement and support, Anne 
moved out of her parents basement. She found her own apartment 
and a full time job at one of our local hotels as a hotel's 
restaurant manager. She began to date and met a man who cared 
for her. Anne soared.   

MY ADVICE:  This is an example that there is a special someone 
for every one. Like many people, Anne made all sorts of excuses 
because of fear and denial. She only found success when she 
took a chance and tried. In your love life, the only way to 
experience true failure is if you don't try, give up or try 
to hide behind excuses and justifications. 

The eaglet eventually flew with eagles instead of with the 
ducks. This means that you can find love with your appropriate 
mate --- not just any man or woman for the sake of having a 
lover. When it comes to relationship, most people don't live 
their potential. Instead, they settle for unhealthy and 
mediocre relationships. Guess what? If you choose unhealthy 
relationships, in the end, it will be you who pays the 
emotional price. 

You can achieve your true potential in love if do your part, 
follow the right advice and accept a little personal support 
from others. Love Ya.