Last year I wrote an article titled: "10 Ways to Kick the
Procrastination Habit!"
http://thephantomwriters.com/kick_procrastination.shtml
It got a very good response - so I'd obviously struck a chord.
Not surprisingly as overcoming procrastination is a perennial
sticking point in self growth and personal development.
I thought it was time to look a little more deeply at what is
probably the most important reason as to why you procrastinate.
One that you're not always consciously aware of.
What You Resist Persists!
Resistance means that you push against the world so that it
pushes back. Some of the related feelings and beliefs of
resistance are:
* stubborness;
* inflexibility
* wanting to be right, rather than happy (a very popular
one:.)
* holding onto self limiting beliefs long after they've
passed their sell by date.
No one likes being told what to do. We are freedom seeking beings
who value our autonomy and independence.
We hear the voices of our parents, teachers, guardians, employers
or other authority figures and it reminds us of feeling powerless
as children. So we rebel against it.
Except that we may not consciously or outwardly rebel; we have
a silent/inverted tantrum instead. We will put off, delay and
procrastinate over doing what we've been told to do.
Relationships and Resistance
Resentment often leads to resistance. In relationships,
procrastination is often played out as one member of the
partnership tells the other to do something (and repeatedly does
so). There's unexpressed resentment because the other partner
doesn't want to do it or feels incapable of doing so.
Rather than this being expressed openly, they procrastinate over
doing the task. Procrastination in this area is often indicative
of a relationship where one or maybe both partners' needs are not
being met and communication is ineffective.
Relationships often falter on the altar of unexpressed
resentment, fuelled by resistance and driven by procrastination.
Self Sabotage
Even when enacting a certain kind of behaviour is beneficial
to you, you may still encounter internal resistance to it. You
may be less successful, less healthy, less wealthy than you
consciously like to be because of a hidden resistance which
plays out as self sabotage.
And by the way it makes no difference if the person telling you
to do something is you or someone else, the net effect is the
same.
So the key is to realise that you are actually resisting, because
for many of us, it has been running on auto for so long that we
don't even realise that we're doing it.
You know whether what you are procrastinating over is a
"coulda","woulda", "shoulda","have to", "need to" etc. And if it
is (and it mostly is) then that's fine, just allow yourself to
struggle with it, put pressure on yourself and not do it, then
release those bonds and let that be okay.
Or decide to do it and just do it.
Don't Tell, Ask
Telling or exhorting yourself to do something is setting yourself
up for failure. The harder the telling (I must do this), the less
likely you are to do it or resist it. The telling is a substitute
for the doing. All of your energy has gone into the telling,
leaving little energy for the doing.
So, if you are procrastinating over doing something, ask yourself
to do it. In fact ask yourself if it actually requires doing at
all - or if someone else could do it. The key thing is that you
ask yourself kindly and politely. No beating up on yourself!
Whatever you decide, be happy and present in and with your
decision. Procrastination is symbolic of an internal war raging
inside of you as you vacillate between "shoulding" and "have
to", leading to paralysis through resistance. And because the
resistance is unacknowledged, it drains your energy as well as
any vampire!
Making a decision to let go of the resistance is often all that
it takes.
Prioritising, delegating and so on are all good strategies for
overcoming procrastination, but without letting go of the
resistance, you may well come across hidden obstacles.
Whatever strategy or tactic you decide to use, know that
procrastination need not steal your life away or zap your
energy - once you recognize where it comes from and how you
can neutralize its worst effects.
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