There is one thing you want...

My guess is you want it so badly that you crave it - hunger it.

And if you got it, your whole life would light up like the sky 
during a firework display. The thing is you don’t actually know 
you want it - well you do, but you won’t know it until you’ve 
got it, and until you get it, you’ll just notice a great big 
void in your life. I’ll explain.

One thing we all love, above almost anything else, is the 
admiration and appreciation of our parents, partners and peers. 
To do something and be told, ‘well done” or ‘I’m proud of you’ 
or ‘I respect you for making such a great effort’ just means so 
much. But how do you get it?

Easy... give it. 

Giving what you want often gets you what you want. Below I’m 
going to retell a story one of my clients told me after a 
coaching session on giving appreciation.

“Each in turn, five of us, we all said what we thought, really 
speaking out from the heart. 

I looked at my Mum, the person getting all the attention, 
sitting two seats away from me at the dining table, tears 
welling up in her eyes and chin quivering slightly. 

I realised then that it had been too long since she’s heard a 
decent, heart-felt compliment. ‘I appreciate the way you put 
yourself out,’ I said. ‘I appreciate how you always make me feel 
welcome,’ my fiancée said. ‘I appreciate the way you’re always 
there,’ my dad said. And then it was the turn of her 
grandchildren.

Her ten year-old Grandson said, ‘I appreciate your sandwiches’ 
and her four year-old Granddaughter chirped up. ‘I appreciate 
your hair.’ 

From that day on we decided to have an appreciation session on 
every birthday, every Father’s Day and Mother’s Day too. And I 
have to say these events really have taken on a new and more 
special meaning. 

On my birthday I couldn’t wait to hear all the nice things 
people thought of me. And silly as this may sound I’d have 
rather had their compliments than the presents - though the 
presents were really nice too! But here is something I’ve 
discovered that is really powerful. Compliments are like 
fairy dust - magic!”

What a great story. Sprinkle that fairy dust on your travels 
and watch the magic in your world. People smile at you, people 
compliment you back. Some look at you, bewildered: the grumpy 
cashier at the bank and the family member that might not have 
compliments gets complimented. 

Neil Millar is the author of Black Water, the adventure novel 
with personal growth, and the personal development books Greater 
Steps to Happiness and Be the Hero in your Own Life. He writes 
articles each month for Unstoppable Life along with the personal 
development coach, Jo Ball.   

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