Introduction

What is fear really and how does it relate to respect? Does it 
even relate at all?

The fear of you being stuck in an abusive relationship is very 
different then a child's fear of a spider. A child can certainly 
fear his parents but not respect them. People fear things such 
as plane rides, motorcycles, dogs or rats. We fear being alone; 
some are married yet lonely - we fear loneliness. We fear 
abandonment. We fear being in public, sitting in a large room 
packed with people. Some fear riding in a car. We fear open or 
enclosed spaces. We fear the dark and some even fear themselves. 
Do you respect your own powers and use them gently on yourself 
and others? Are your fears holding you back from truly finding 
success and becoming whom you were meant to be?

I believe that if we respect and love ourselves enough, we take 
the time to deal with our fears by identifying them and then 
dealing with them one by one.

The following is a simple strategy of how to deal with your 
fear:

1. Admit that you have fears
2. Be devoted to yourself to identifying your fears
3. Analyze them by looking at the damage that your fears is 
   doing to your life
4. Get rid of your fears by overcoming them
5. Replace your fears with something positive


I personally like the "take the bull by the horns" method. 
However, please use common sense when dealing with your fears! 
For example, if you are terrified of flying and you are 
determined to overcome your fear by learning to fly a small 
airplane, and you are 75 years old and half blind, you might 
be asking for unnecessary trouble! 

Promise to yourself not to stick your head in the sand and 
pretend that it's not there. Your fear won't go away, it will 
only get bigger year after year. 


Admit That You Have Fears

The most fearful person, in my opinion, is the one who says that 
they are not afraid of anything. Pa-lease! Anybody who says that 
and I know you're one of the most terrified people. So let's cut 
the baloney and be honest. If you are this person you probably 
just haven't been lucky enough to find someone who won't 
ridicule you for communicating your fears. That's all. 


Be Devoted To Yourself To Identify Your Fears

My father left my mother for another woman when I was 12 years 
old and I always said that this was "their deal." After a few 
years in my own marriage in my early 30s I started to live like 
I was expecting him to "leave me one day for another woman 
anyway." I had no idea what prompted this other than my own 
parents' relationship; my husband certainly didn't give me any 
reason not to trust him. And all of a sudden there was this fear 
that had been embedded in me years ago. I could have ignored it 
by sticking to my opinion that this was my parents' deal and not 
mine; but I chose to deal with it, for my sake and the sake of 
my marriage. I decided not to let it get a hold of me. 


Analyze Your Fears

My husband and I talked it over like adults and we honestly 
admitted that my unwarranted fear brings damage to our marriage. 
Every time he went for a basketball game I was "hurt" and 
suspicious that he didn't invite me to go watch him play. I 
started to think about his female co-workers and I wondered if 
any of them liked him in an inappropriate way. My fear had 
gotten the best part of me.

I look at fear as the disease that latches on to our soul like 
a pesty little leech. It's like a cancer that grows and doesn't 
hurt us at first, but leaving it undetected or ignored will 
bring forth a ferocious beast that often can take our lives; at 
minimum our joy of living. Fear must be cut out completely by 
overcoming it with something positive. If fear is not positive, 
it must be replaced with something positive.

Fear is one of our biggest enemies, and at the same time it can 
be one of our biggest motivators to change! Fear is inhibiting; 
it causes insecurities. Fear festers like an open sore and then 
it begins to stink. Fear is nauseating, it's debilitating, it 
causes paralysis; fear can cause depression and loneliness. Fear 
prevents us from becoming the empowered person we are meant to 
be.


Overcoming Your Fears 

My husband and I moved beyond the fear and it left for good this 
time. Yes, it was not as simple as it sounds and there were many 
little fears that came up along with this fear. But I'm so glad 
it was dealt with rather than shoved under the rug.  


Overcome Your Fears

With your permission I would like to share with you some of my 
deepest fears and how I have overcome them, in the hopes that 
some of you might be encouraged to honestly look at your fears 
and tackle them one by one.

One of my biggest fears, if not the biggest, was public 
speaking. Under no circumstances, paid or unpaid, would I speak 
in front of any group, no matter the size. I decided to join 
Toastmasters as it came highly recommended for people who 
wanted to learn to speak in front of a group. I flunked at 
every meeting and as long as I didn't have to say anything, I 
would go and be a warm body at the meetings, but I refused to 
talk. It took me 6 months and several cancellations to give my 
first 2 minute speech (or however long they were). And before 
I did I cancelled several times because of nausea, flu symptoms 
and headaches. Yeah, it was that bad! Over time and by simply 
attending over and over again, it became easier and easier. 
Never in my wildest dreams, and I have a few of those, would I 
ever have guessed that public speaking would become my life's 
purpose! Today I not only speak at real estate clubs nationwide 
and at various adult education facilities but I'm also an 
empowerment speaker for large gatherings. Sometimes my classes 
are 15 students small and sometimes the group is over 1,500 
people large. The bigger the better!

Another fear I was bound to tackle was the fear of flying. Yep, 
even though I came from Europe to the United States by plane, 
once my daughter was born I had a terrifying fear of flying. So 
much so that I refused to go visit my own family in Europe. 
Every time a plane flew over our house I would be certain it 
would come crashing down on top of my house. I was convinced 
that I was doomed to die by means of a plane. It was pretty 
bad. The fighter in me refused to be captive to a fear that I 
created entirely in my head. I decided at the beginning of 2003 
that I would go on at least 5 trips within the United States. I 
actually got so bold that by the end of the year I had booked 8 
plane tickets and for the first time in 14 years I had visited 
places outside of California. I was very proud of myself.


Overcoming Fear

I have overcome one fear after another by simply using this 
strategy. It's not easy work, but it's work well worth doing. 
Look at it like an onion. Onions are not eaten raw, but they 
truly flavor our nourishments. Onions have layers. Just when 
you peel one layer off, there is another one! Eventually you 
will get to the pearl inside, which by the way, is the sweet 
part of the onion. 

Our fears can act the same way. In healthy portions they might 
spur us on to overcome and thus get empowered. Yet once you 
thought you had overcome one aspect - oops - there is another 
layer of fear to be peeled away. 

I promised myself that I would overcome my fears and become a 
different person. I remember procrastinating and postponing 
events because I was scared of the woman that I might become. 
I had started and failed at a business endeavor at the age of 
27 because it required me to speak in front of people. After 
my failure something interesting and yet devastating happened 
to me. My confidence took a huge hit, not just in business, 
but as a human being, as a woman. I hated the feeling of 
disempowerment and I understood that if living by fear would 
rob me of confidence, that overcoming my fears would give me 
confidence that would empower me to do immeasurable things. 
I was right!

I knew the woman that I had known for over 30 years, but I 
didn't know about the woman that I would become if I tackled 
my fears, and that was very scary! Nonetheless, I decided to 
tackle the fears one by one. 


Summary

If you identify, analyze and conquer your fears by admitting 
that you have them and then approaching them head on, you will 
open up gateways to your personality that you didn't know you 
had! The newly found you will be so empowering to you that you 
want more and more. You conquer one fear successfully, you will 
want to conquer them all. The promise "seek and you shall find" 
is truly applicable in this arena and if you want to find your 
fears, they'll be made seen plainly by you. And if you want to 
overcome them, you will master them one by one. 

I am excited about the person I have become so far and I have to 
admit, no pun intended, that I have turned out a lot stronger 
than I ever thought possible. And I wish you the same success!

Your feedback about this article is greatly appreciated.