Blink--a recent book by Malcolm Gladwell--cites research to
support the concept that a person's face can do more than mirror
the individual's mood. . .it can create a mood for that
individual. That is, if you start your day with a defeated look,
before long you will become downhearted, even angry. This, of
course, reverses the most commonly accepted thought pattern, that
the mood comes first, then the facial response. The moral: Set
the tone for your day with a happy, confident face, and good
things are likely to follow.
Well, if our facial expressions impact us that much, how much
does our countenance impact others? Plenty, as you know. How we
look to people shapes the impression we convey. Example: When I
speak or direct a seminar, within a couple of minutes I can
identify audience members who are highly interested and
supportive, along with those who appear bored, distracted,
confused, and sometimes hostile. You can do the same in
conversations and in business meetings. Sure, once in awhile we
will misinterpret the way someone looks. Yet our guess will be
accurate most of the time.
Here is a classic case of a man who felt misinterpreted: Though
he was highly successful and prominent in his community, what
struck most people was his very dour-almost sour-expression. He
confided to a friend: "You know, people consider me glum and
unfriendly. They think I'm a scowler. I try to assure them I
don't mean anything by my demeanor, because I'm not aware of a
sullen expression. Even my mother used to tell me I needed to
work on the perception I'm creating."
Remember that the face includes the eyes. Cicero said it well:
"The eyes are windows to the soul." Look away from someone while
you are reporting on a work assignment, and your shifty eyes
might suggest you are hiding something. Blink excessively, and
you could appear insecure. Close your eyes even for a short
instant, and they will think you are ignoring them, or-even
worse-drifting off to sleep.
More positively, maintain steady eye contact to reflect poise and
credibility. Notice how many people remove their glasses when
they want to impress you while they talk. They want no barrier
between you and their eyes.
Beware of frowning. When you are making a sales call, a frown
indicates to your prospect that you don't feel good about the
course of the presentation. You create discomfort for both of
you, and lose the likelihood of making a sale. When your
supervisor tells you about a new approach for operating the
department, your frown could suggest your unwillingness to
consider the change.
The most pleasing look: One that fits the tone of the meeting or
conversation, and reinforces your message. Johnny Carson and Bob
Hope mastered the art of smiling and beaming at the appropriate
time. They could milk more laughter out of a joke, even a
botched joke, than other comedians could because of their
reinforcing facial expressions.
Similarly, the best photographs taken of athletes in the most
intense moments of a game showcase their faces, which mirror
determination, confidence, exertion, exhaustion, disappointment
and resilience. Golfer Tiger Woods has attracted millions of fans
by his wide range of grimaces, grins and concentration-just as
Arnold Palmer did during the 1960s.
From an opposite viewpoint, we dislike the speaker who smiles or
smirks when talking about life and death matters. When you break
bad news, you need a solemn face that matches the message.
The next time you're in a social setting, pay special attention
to the people around you. I'll bet the ones you will want to meet
are the men and women with animated, cheerful expressions.
Likewise, people will consider you attractive, even think of you
as a leader, when you smile, nod in agreement and give other
signs of warmth and openness.
When I coach executives and other professionals, we videotape our
simulated conversations. The taping and the critique that follow
pinpoint what my clients need to improve in their demeanor. Once
we have discussed problem areas, we videotape follow up
conversations, to see what improvements we can foster.
So, while you work diligently on the content of an interview,
sales call, meeting agenda and speech, remember to "put your best
face forward."
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