A few months after the infamous 9/11 disaster in New York City,
I was directing a seminar in New York for the Orvis Company. I
asked the group for examples of how stereotypes—our preconceived
opinions about people, based more on assumptions than facts—had
impacted their communication. One participant said:
"Shortly after the World Trade Center disaster, our hunting
lodge got a request to host a two-day shoot for people whose
names reflected mid-Eastern origins. We were quite suspicious,
even fearful. Did they want to improve their marksmanship so
they could destroy Americans? Were we in danger ourselves?
Yet when the group arrived, we saw right away that they were
well mannered, exceptionally cooperative. In fact, they became
some of the most pleasant guests we ever hosted. Nothing about
them frightened us. We discovered that our stereotypes were
unfair and misleading."
Have you ever felt that you were a victim of stereotyping? As
women have moved into managerial posts, they have referred to
a “glass ceiling”—the barrier to greater advancement because
of the stereotype which questions their ability to handle
leadership responsibilities at the highest levels.
Regional stereotypes remain prominent. For example, people who
live in the southern region of the United States face special
challenges concerning stereotypes. During their travels, they
experience preconceived notions, not always flattering or fair.
When they meet people in Chicago, Los Angeles, Denver, and
Boston, southerners must break through the mistaken images of
the South created by Hee Haw, Dukes of Hazard, the Andy Griffith
Show, Gomer Pyle, and other television programs. They shock
those who expected them to show up barefooted, use terrible
grammar, and be totally uninformed about manners, business and
national affairs.
Throughout my childhood, I had to fight the stereotype that
came with being an identical twin. Because my brother Ben and
I looked alike, people—including family members—concluded that
we shared identical opinions on every topic, and that we wanted
to do the same things. Those notions were way off base. Even
today, although we share some interests and ideas, our
differences out weigh our similarities.
To subdue stereotypes, and clear the way for accurate and
productive communication, I recommend these steps:
· Identify the stereotypes that have marred your judgment,
such as "All athletes are poor students" and "All wealthy
people are selfish and greedy."
· Look for exceptions to your stereotypes. You will find
brilliant athletes and you'll meet rich people who support
philanthropic causes.
· Eliminate harmful words and phrases from your vocabulary,
such as “Every” and "That's just like a . . ."
· Challenge stereotypes people express about others. Example:
Someone says, "All bosses are just out for themselves." You
reply, "That may be true in some cases. But my supervisor
makes sure that everybody on his team enjoys an equal
opportunity to get promoted."
· Challenge categories people assign you to automatically.
Suggest politely, “You’re mistaken in your opinion about me.
Let me tell you why.” With tact and goodwill, you and I
can resist accepting the labels we don’t fit. We’ll win
respect, and we will pave the way for unblemished
communication.
When I shared these thoughts with a prominent South Carolina
television broadcaster, now retired, he sent me this wonderful
reply: “We are so often and so quick to lump, generalize and
paint all with the same brush. Sometimes, in a fit of
stupidity, I am guilty of the same—and thank God I stop and
realize how devastating that stupidity is, especially when I
joyously see an African-American, a Jew, a Muslim, or even a
Baptist (being Methodist) friend of mine or someone I admire,
and do not see race or creed, but feel absolute friendship,
admiration or even love. People who are mired in hatred and
prejudice are dangerous and to be pitied.”
|
