We have all heard this warning: You never get a second chance to 
make a good first impression.  Also, human behavior specialists 
caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of 
interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us.  

With this widely acknowledged pressure to make our case 
instantly, here are my seven tips for making your first 
impression strongly positive. 
 

ONE: The greatest way to make a positive first impression is to 
demonstrate immediately that the other person--not you--is the 
center of action and conversation.

Illustrate that the spotlight is on you only, and you'll 
miss opportunities for friendships, jobs, promotions, love 
relationships, networking, and sales.  Show that you are 
other-centered, and first-time acquaintances will be eager 
to see you again.

Recently I attended a conference.  At lunch, my wife and I 
sat with several people we didn't know.  While most of our 
tablemates made good impressions, one man emerged as the person 
we'd be sure to avoid all weekend.  He talked about himself, 
non-stop.  Only rarely did anyone else get a chance to speak.  
Unfortunately, he probably thought he was captivating us with 
his life story.

I applaud this definition of a bore: Somebody who talks about 
himself so much that you don't get to talk about yourself.


TWO:  You'll make a superb initial impression when you 
demonstrate good listening skills.  Give positive verbal cues: 

Hmmm. . .interesting!  
Tell me more, please. 
What did you do next?

Just as actors benefit from prompts, your conversational partner 
will welcome your assistance in keeping the exchange going.

Nonverbally, you show you're a skilled listener by maintaining 
steady eye contact.  Remember how you respond to the social 
gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the 
next person he or she wants to corner.  Remember, and offer 
full attention to everyone you meet.


THREE: Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. Example: 
Judy, I like that suggestion.  Or: Your vacation must have been 
exciting, Fred. You show that you have paid attention from the 
start, catching the name during the introduction.  Equally as 
important, you'll make conversations more personal by including 
the listener's name several times.


FOUR: Be careful with humor.  

Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away 
from sarcastic remarks that could backfire.  Because you don't 
know a stranger's sensitivities, prolonged joking might 
establish barriers you can't overcome, either now or later.


FIVE: Give up the need to be right.

This was Dr. Wayne Dyer's advice in his wonderful book, Real 
Magic.  Confrontations with somebody you've just met will 
destroy rapport before you even start building it.  Wait until 
you have established credibility before you challenge another's 
statements.


SIX: Appearance counts.  

Several years ago, a professional colleague offered to meet me 
for lunch.  I decided against wearing a suit, opting for a sport 
coat and tie.  When he showed up in shorts and sandals, the 
message he conveyed was: Bill, meeting you is a rather ordinary 
experience, and doesn't call for me to present a business-like 
appearance. Not surprisingly, that was the last time I met with 
him.

True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. 
Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a 
communication seminar I conducted.  She said: I don't dress for 
the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have.


SEVEN: Speak clearly, confidently, and convincingly.

As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an 
individual's speaking style impacts the first impression, 
maybe more than we wish.  Listeners judge our intelligence, 
our cultural level, our education, even our leadership 
ability by the words we select--and by how we say them.  

Think of Professor Henry Higgins of My Fair Lady, who changed 
a so-called guttersnipe into a lady, by teaching her to speak 
skillfully.  While none of us occupies the lowly level of Eliza 
Doolittle, we can keep her example in mind.  Rather than mumble, 
speak so you're easily heard.  Enunciate clearly.  Alter your 
pitch, to avoid the dullness of a monotone.  Display animation 
in both voice and facial expression.  Gesture naturally, without 
canning your movements.


Keep these seven tips in mind.  They will reduce your fear of 
business and social encounters with unfamiliar faces.  More 
positively, you'll start enjoying poise and success that you 
thought were beyond your reach.