According to the Nobel Prize-winning scientist Daniel Kahneman, 
each day we experience approximately 20,000 moments. A moment 
is defined as a few seconds in which our brain records an 
experience. The quality of our days is determined by how our 
brains recognize and categorize our moments—either as positive, 
negative, or just neutral. Rarely do we remember neutral moments.

There is no question that the memories of our lives are recorded 
in terms of positive and negative experiences. Now scientists 
propose that each day our brains—i.e., our thoughts and 
emotions—keep track of our positive and negative moments, 
and the resulting score contributes to our overall mood.

Our emotional tone or mood is defined by the number of positive 
versus negative moments experienced during the course of a day. 
This is not really news to those people who study emotional 
intelligence and how the brain works. Yet it has major 
implications for how we can improve the quality of our lives. 


The Magic Ratio

Over the past decade, scientists have explored the impact of 
positive-to-negative interaction ratios in our work and personal 
life. They have found that this ratio can be used to predict—with
remarkable accuracy—everything from workplace performance to 
divorce. 

This work began with noted psychologist John Gottman's 
exploration of positive-to-negative ratios in marriages. Using 
a 5:1 ratio, which Gottman dubbed "the magic ratio," he and his 
colleagues predicted whether 700 newlywed couples would stay 
together or divorce by scoring their positive and negative 
interactions in one 15-minute conversation between each husband 
and wife. Ten years later, the follow-up revealed that they had 
predicted divorce with 94 percent accuracy.


The Bucket and the Dipper

In a recent book "How Full is Your Bucket", psychologists 
Donald O. Clifton and Tom Rath propose a metaphor of looking 
at positive and negative interactions during the day. Imagine 
we all have a bucket within us that needs to be filled with 
positive experiences, such as recognition or praise. When we're 
negative toward others, we use a dipper to remove from their 
buckets and diminish their positive outlook. When we treat 
others in a positive manner, we fill not only their buckets 
but ours as well.


Here are 5 strategies from these authors for increasing your 
magic ratio of positive to negative moments in any given day:

 · Prevent "Bucket Dipping." Increase your own awareness of how 
   often your comments are negative. Work toward a ratio of five 
   positive comments to every one negative comment.

 · Shine a Light on What Is Right. Try focusing on what 
   employees or peers do right rather than where they need 
   improvement, and discover the power of reinforcing good 
   behaviors.

 · Make Best Friends. People with best friends at work have 
   better safety records, receive higher customer satisfaction 
   scores, and increase workplace productivity.

 · Give Unexpectedly. A recent poll showed that the vast 
   majority of people prefer gifts that are unexpected.

 · Reverse the Golden Rule. Instead of "Do unto others as you 
   would have them do unto you," you should "Do unto others as 
   they would have you do unto them." Individualization is key 
   when filling others' buckets. 
 

Patsi Krakoff, Psy. D., CBC, is a psychologist, executive coach, 
and writer. She customizes newsletters for life and executive 
coaches, providing both content and PDF and HTML ezines for busy 
professionals. Patsi lives and works from Ajijic, Mexico where 
she plays tennis daily, and enjoys other creative activities 
with her husband Rob and two Maine Coon cats, Huey and Dewey. 
Email mailto:Patsi@customizednewsletters.com. 

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