In order to be fully who you are and to experience your full 
potential, it is essential that you have a loving relationship 
with yourself.

A key factor in strengthening your relationship with yourself and 
cultivating a positive attitude is to give yourself loving 
thoughts and words. It has been my experience that most of us 
have very few loving thoughts for ourselves but we seem to have 
an abundance of negative thoughts.

When I speak of the "inner critic" with my clients there is an 
immediate resonance and understanding about who or what that is. 
It is that negative voice inside our heads. When we hear it we 
all know who it is and we all know we really should not listen to 
it, but that inner critic still manages to jump out and slay our 
self–esteem and cast doubt on our ability and wisdom.

The inner critic usually rises up when we are feeling vulnerable 
or when we know we have made a mistake. We tend to be very hard 
on ourselves and hold our selves to impossibly high standards 
that we do not expect of others. We would never get away with 
speaking to others the way we speak to ourselves.


First Steps

The first step to countering the inner critic is awareness. You 
are 80% of the way there when you are aware of that voice and 
when it is appearing. Awareness of negative thoughts allows you 
to shut them down when they appear and then turn them around.

Our thoughts create our reality. Our life goes in the direction 
of our thoughts and words. We are the ones to give meaning to the 
facts and circumstances of our lives. We are at choice as to how 
we interpret or what meaning we give to these facts and 
circumstances. We can give them a positive meaning or a negative 
meaning. What you focus on grows, so that if all of your thoughts 
are negative, that is what you are going to experience. Shifting 
to a positive perspective that supports you opens up possibility 
in your life.

I remember when my first son was born. All of a sudden I was 
seeing babies everywhere!  Why was this? It was not because there 
was suddenly a baby boom in my area, it was because I started to 
focus my attention on babies. What you focus on grows.

If you focus your attention on what you are doing right and on 
what you can do well, you will start to see more and more 
evidence for what you do well. If you think you are capable, you 
will start to see more opportunity in your life.  If you focus on 
only the negative and what you are doing wrong, you will just get 
back more of the same.

Stop making yourself wrong. Welcome mistakes as learning 
opportunities. Focus on what is good in your life and on what you 
do well and see what changes for you.

Changing how we speak to ourselves takes time and practice. It 
involves developing a new pattern of behavior – a new way of 
relating to ourselves. At first it will take conscious effort but 
over time you will internalize this new pattern and it will 
become a healthy habit.


Moving Forward

Loving yourself involves knowing who you are.

 * It is about knowing your strengths and claiming your power 
   by focusing on positive thoughts and actions that strengthen 
   you rather than diminish you.

 * It is about having faith in yourself, loving yourself, 
   welcoming mistakes, and forgiving yourself.

 * It is about being grateful and aware of all that is good in 
   your life right now and building on that.

 * It is about treating yourself with the respect that you would 
   give others and acknowledging your right to be loved and to 
   love.

 * It is about holding an awareness of the unique strengths you 
   bring and the contribution that you can make.


We are all equal and worthy and have so much to offer each other 
and our world. Embrace and celebrate who you are! Step into your 
greatness and bring the gift of who you are to the world.

Coaching Questions

 * What loving thoughts do you give to yourself?

 * What words do you say to yourself to inspire and uplift your 
   Soul?

 * What do you love about yourself?

 * What do you consider to be your strengths and talents?

 * What loving things do you do for yourself?


Actions

1. Observe your thoughts over the next week and note in general 
how many are positive and how many are negative. Notice what you 
say or do that diminishes who you are (For example, do you always 
dismiss the compliments you receive?)

 * One day over the next week, write down your thoughts, both 
   positive and negative, in a notebook. At the end of the day, 
   note how many are positive and support you and how many are 
   negative and diminish you.

   Look for any themes. Are you negative about your physical 
   appearance, your work performance?

 * Now be aware of your negative thoughts and turn them around 
   to a positive each time it happens – whether you believe it 
   or not! Next time someone compliments you on what you are 
   wearing, don’t say "What this old thing?" instead say "Thank 
   you!"

 * If you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up; instead write 
   down what you did right and what you need to do differently 
   next time. Counter a critical thought such as "I can’t do 
   anything right" with "I did the best I could right now and 
   I will do better next time"

 * If you are feeling stressed, take a few deep breathes to 
   ground and center yourself. You will be amazed at the power 
   of the breath!


2. Ask three friends to write down what they think are your 
strengths and send them to you. Place these notes in a special 
box or container. Pull them out and read them whenever you are 
feeling low or need a pick me up.

Focusing on your strengths, rather than your weakness, will serve 
to boost your confidence and develop a stronger self–image. Do 
not focus on what you do not know or cannot do, rather focus on 
what you do know and what you can do.

If you would like to learn more about developing a loving 
relationship with yourself and strengthening your personal 
foundation, I recommend you visit my website 
(http://www.futureperfect.ca) and check out my 6 week self-help 
course Reclaiming Self: A Path to Wholeness and Integrity. 

Jan Hornford is a Life Coach & Retreat Leader whose passion is to 
help individuals re-connect with their own wisdom and power and 
to support them to create the life they want. Her retreats offer 
the opportunity to experience joyful self-care, connection, and 
possibility. For more information, please take a look at her 
website: http://www.futureperfect.ca Or, call her: 403-313-4064

For more information about life coaching and Jan's free 4 week 
self-help course: "Living Authentically: Honouring Your Truth in 
Everyday Life" visit:  http://www.futureperfect.ca/life-coaching