School violence.  The very words send shivers down a parent's 
spine.  Does the phrase school bully evoke the same emotions?  
It should.  

As subtle as it may seem, bullying is a form of violence.  
Experts estimate that almost 75% of today's youth will be 
involved in some aspect of bullying before they enter high 
school.  And the chances are, your child will be one of the 
statistics.  Long gone is the idea that bullying is a natural 
process of youth, a coming of age.  It is unacceptable behavior 
and the long lasting ramifications are far too great to ignore.

Before you can prepare your child for the bully, it is important 
to understand what constitutes this type of behavior.  Bullying 
is defined as aggressive behavior repeatedly targeted at a child 
of lesser physical or emotional strength.  However, although a 
child might not be the target of a bully, bystanders are also 
victims. 


Bullying behavior is typically classified in three categories:
 
· Physical bullying is physical intimidation, hitting, kicking, 
  pushing, choking, and/or spitting.

· Verbal bullying is name-calling, threats, taunting, teasing, 
  rumor spreading, and slander.

· Social bullying is intentional exclusion and isolation from 
  social and peer group activities by manipulation and rumor 
  spreading.
 
The characteristics of a bully include impulsive, dominating 
behavior, a low frustration level, a lack of empathy, a need 
to be the center of attention, and unhealthy attitudes towards 
violence and its consequences.
 
Although many believe insecurity and self-loathing are at the 
root of a bully's problem, usually the opposite is true.  Bullies
tend to be over confidence.  They portray a fearless nature and 
physical strength, qualities often admired by their peers.
 
Many factors within a child's environment can contribute to their 
aggressive behavior, including family, peers group, neighborhood, 
society, and school.  Children who bully are more likely to 
experience violence or neglect in the home and have less 
supervision and involvement from their parents.  Children picked 
on by older siblings tend to become bullies themselves.  Others 
see bullying as a means to gain acceptance, friendship, and 
popularity.
  
The victim of a bully is typically a child who appears insecure 
or cautious, a child that rarely defends or retaliates when 
confronted, and/or a child lacking in social skills or physical 
strength.  Unfortunately, since bullies lack compassion, 
children with physical disabilities are also prey, and so are 
overweight children, and those that wear glasses or have a 
speech impediment.  However, any child can be the victim of a 
bully.  Bullies will also challenge popular children in attempt 
to gain more popularity.  Sometimes it is just a matter of being 
in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The bully needs an audience.  Therefore, bulling primarily 
occurs on school grounds and is played out in front of a group. 
Lunchrooms, playgrounds, hallways, locker rooms, and bathrooms 
are prime areas for confrontation.
 
The elements of confrontation include the leader (bully), the 
followers, the victim, and the bystanders.  Research shows that 
over 75% of school children will be involved in some aspect of 
bullying before they reach high school, playing at least one, 
if not more of these roles.
 
The consequences of bullying are many.  Children will go to 
great lengths to avoid being the victim of a bully.  If they are 
not prepared in a positive way, they will naturally resort to 
negative ways of coping such as cutting class, feigning illness, 
poor grades, and social withdrawal. 

For a child repeatedly victimized by a bully, humiliation, fear, 
anxiety, and depression are constant companions that can lead to 
harmful, shocking, and unexpected behavior from an otherwise shy 
and timid child.

Victims may feel ashamed and tend to view themselves as 
failures.  They are more prone to stress related illnesses such 
as headaches and stomachaches.  In extreme cases, the victim of 
a bully can experience sever depression and entertain thoughts 
of suicide.
 
Lack of safety is a top concern to young people, and bullying is 
a real and constant threat.  When a child's sense of security is 
compromised, the child usually responds by taking the role of 
bystander, even if the victim is a friend.  This burdens a child 
and may cause him or her to harbor feelings of guilt because 
they did nothing to stop or prevent the bullying.  Reasons for 
not reporting bullying or helping a friend in trouble include 
fear of retribution and exclusion as well as other personal 
consequences.
 
A lack of security deeply damages the learning environment and 
process.  It may result in the disruption of the classroom, and 
preoccupy students.  It can also inhibit a child's creativity 
and self-expression.  Subsequently, this leads to poor attention 
spans and academic achievements suffer.  
 

Prepare Your Child For The Bully
 
· Teach your child to walk tall and proud and to maintain eye 
  contact.  Body language is important in all aspects of your 
  child's life.  Portraying a positive, self-confident stature 
  will help your child cope in many areas.

· Teach your child to accompany the confident posture with 
  positive, self-affirming thoughts that valid his or her rights 
  as a person.  These affirmations will aid your child in 
  speaking up without provoking a bully, and very well serve 
  to defuse the situation.

· The element of surprise can make the bully take a step back.  
  Bullies like easy prey.  A joke, a flip comment, or a question 
  is an unexpected response to harassment, and might be just 
  enough to make the bully think his actions aren't delivering 
  the desired outcome.

· Help your child to identify role models.  Encourage your child 
  to read stories that inspire.  Share this time with your child 
  and point out how strength of character and perseverance can 
  achieve positive outcomes without resorting to violence or 
  force.

· Writing is another avenue to help your child cope.  Encourage 
  your child to keep a diary or journal, write poetry, or write 
  songs.  Creativity and self-expression are important and 
  productive tools used to work through negative issues.  
  Writing provides a safe outlet for a child.  Point out the 
  benefits of journaling positive experiences as well as 
  expressing their feelings about bullying.

· Friendships are very important.  If you child has difficulties 
  making or maintaining friends, intervene and help.  Friendships 
  are a protection against bullying.  Observe and identify 
  children that might have things in common with your child and 
  arrange a visit.  Encourage your child to join activities that 
  will build strength and confidence.


About The Authors

Patricia Gatto, together with her husband, John De Angelis are 
the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, a 32-page children's book.  
Richly illustrated by Kenneth Vincent, this is the tale of a 
lonely boy and his struggles with the school bullies.  With the 
help of a mischievous gnome, young Milton embarks on a magical 
journey to friendship and self-acceptance as he answers the 
question, "Wouldn't it be great to get even?"  with an emphatic 
"no", not even in his dreams.

MILTON'S DILEMMA addresses the issues in an entertaining, yet 
thorough and provoking manner. The authors present their story 
at schools, libraries, and community events in an effort to help 
children identify and cope with the negative and aggressive 
behavior of bullying. Their goal is to foster awareness and 
provide children with an understanding of their rights to a 
safe and healthy learning environment.

Inspired by John's personal childhood experience, this husband 
and wife writing team share their message with an animated and 
entertaining reading from their book, original songs, and 
practical advice. In addition, the program provides a platform 
for educators to build and enforce anti-bullying policies 
throughout the year as they encourage children to come forward 
and report incidents of bullying.

Patti and Johnny recently relocated to Pennsylvania with their 
son, Alexander. The beautiful serenity of  Lake Wallenpaupack 
provides a perfect creative backdrop to pursue their careers 
as screenwriters, authors of children's books, and presenters.  
Their personal goals include using film and printed media as a 
means to present a positive, educational, non-violent format 
for families and especially children.

MILTON'S DILEMMA is available for $15.95 through Joyful 
Productions on the web at http://www.joyfulproductions.com, 
Amazon.com, and by calling 570-857-0255. The authors / 
screenwriters are available for interviews and presentations, 
and are especially interested in participating in fundraisers 
for the benefit of children.


Title:                  MILTON'S DILEMMA
Authors:                Patricia Gatto & John De Angelis
Illustrator:            Kenneth Vincent
Publisher:              Providence Publishing Company (Houston)
ISBN:                   0-9651661-9-8
Format:                 Hardcover
Dimensions:             (in inches): 0.38 x 9 x 7
Pages:                  32
Genre:                  Children's Picture Book
Target Audience:        Ages 6-10
Cover Price:            $15.95
Publication Date:       July 2004


References
 
Bonds, Psy.D., Marla, and Stoker, M.S.W., Sally. 2000. Bully 
Proofing Your School. Logmont, CO: Sopris West.
 
Olweus, Ph.D., Dan. 1999. Blueprints for Violence Prevention, 
Book Nine:  Bullying Prevention Program. Boulder, CO: Center
     for the Study and Prevention of Violence.
 
Palomares, Susanna, and Schilling, Dianne. 2001. How to Handle 
a Bully. Torrance, CA: Innerchoice Publishing.
 
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Take a Stand. 
Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now!  [cited June 2004] Available
     from http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.


See How You Can Help

Visit Take a Stand. Lend a Hand. Stop the Bullying Now! 
http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov