QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Life which is soon past, only what's done
with love will last."
When I think of the ultimate father figure I think of the
extraordinary paternal love and devotion of the Biblical King
David for his son Absalom even when his son turned against him
and attempted to kill him. As eloquently expressed by King
David, when he wept over the death of his son, "Absalom, my dear
son, oh how I wish I could trade places with you!"
Practically in all human affairs, and even in organized religion
where God is viewed and revered as the ultimate father figure,
fathers have played a central role in the drama of our
lives. With a clearly defined role as the bread winner, the
disciplinarian, the ultimate family authority, there was no doubt
that fathers were the kings of their own castles and therefore
demanded respect. Interestingly, of all the Ten Commandments, the
one commandment that is emphasized the most is "Honor thy father
and mother," and not so much out of a sense of sentimentality,
but rather necessity. It was based on the recognition of the
major role that parents played in the child's life and the life-
long impact on shaping their life and influencing the choices
they made not to mention their relationship with people
particularly with the opposite sex.
Fathers were traditionally regarded as pillars of strength which
provided the safety net to support and preserve the family unit.
But those days of taking the time to mentor an offspring as a
way of preparing children for the real world, are long gone.
Instead, the role of the emerging father figure has almost been
reduced to "a human ATM." That's because in a "more is better"
culture, where the focus has shifted from wholesome values such
as family and community to the pursuit of material success, the
result is invariably an erosion of morality, growing social ills
and the break down of the family system. Take for example the
phenomenon of the growing senseless violence in our schools
and on our streets (or the growing teenage suicide). It's
symptomatic of the vacuum created in our children when the two
most important people in their lives (mom and dad) get divorced
and/or when they are left home alone growing up with either the
TV or their peers or gangs, and without a father figure in
particular. In essence, it's a cry for help, for love, for
direction of how to survive and thrive in the jungles of life
from someone they can lean on and look up to. They are looking
for someone who is committed to giving them roots to grow and
wings to fly and never desert them no matter what. In other
words, it's a cry for a true father figure, the ultimate role
model.
Contrary to popular belief, what children need the most (but get
the least) is not material gifts but rather something far more
precious - something that many parents simply are either unaware
of or are too drained both physically and mentally to give,
namely, the gift of time and mentoring. But whether the newly
evolved father figure is the "quiet storm" type or not, is not
that important. What's really important is the valuable
contribution that fathers make to our lives which cannot and
should not be ignored. They deserve a special place in our
hearts with deep respect and true appreciation for helping shape
our lives, keeping us grounded and centered and by adding another
dimension to our lives. In short, good fathers make us feel
whole.
It seems like no matter how old, independent and/or successful we
get, the need for a father figure to lean on, especially during
challenging times, continues to intensify. Perhaps it's a built-
in divine thing to remind us of the ultimate father figure that
is never subject to change and is always there for us with
infinite love and patience, guidance, and forgiveness - who is
simply known as God. All we have to do is recognize it and
appreciate the many contributions He has made to our lives just
like our earthly fathers.
And since a gene for being a good father hasn't been discovered
yet and there is no known User's Manual for how to become a good
father - being a good father is simply a matter of skill and an
art form that can actually be learned. All it takes is only a
lifetime of dedication and commitment and a lot of practice with
infinite willingness to forgive not just your child but yourself
for "dropping the ball" now and then. Indeed, being a father
figure comes with great responsibility and commitment. However,
it is the matching rewards, like no other, that makes it all
worthwhile. After all, what could be sweeter than hearing the
words: "Dad, you are my hero!"
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