There aren’t a whole lot of behaviors that test our patience as 
a parent more than temper tantrums.  If we’re over tired, over 
schedule, or over worked, it’s often the last thing we want to 
have to deal with.  Some children have them on occasion but many 
children have them regularly.  

Generally speaking there are three different circumstances that 
bring on tantrums.  One is when a child doesn’t get her way so 
she has a tantrum until she gets what she wants.  The second is 
when a child is over stimulated and/or over tired and she simply 
can’t cope any more and the smallest thing will send her over the 
edge.  The third type of tantrum is when a child wakes up from a 
nap and suddenly falls into a temper tantrum. I’ve experienced 
all three with my children.  

When a child has a temper tantrum to get what she/he wants and we 
give in, we are essentially teaching him that that is the way to 
get what you want.  Often we find ourselves saying:  “Ok, but 
this is the LAST ONE!” or “Ok, here, have it.”  We become 
desperate to stop the screaming so the easiest thing to do is to 
give in.  The more we give in, the more we can be assured that in 
situations where children are trying to get something, we will 
experience more and more tantrums because they’ve learned from 
our actions that they work.  If we say no and stick to our word, 
they soon learn that crying and screaming gets them nowhere.  The 
important thing is to be consistent and to tell yourself that not 
giving in will pay off enormously in the long run.  

The second type of tantrum is when a child is hungry, over tired, 
or over stimulated.  We’ll often see children fall apart late in 
the afternoon. It’s at these times we need to review if we should 
have maybe gone out only once instead of several times, or had 
several small snacks available throughout the day instead of 
expecting our child to wait until meal times to eat.  It’s my 
belief that most young children benefit from a quiet time 
everyday, even after they’ve grown out of naps.  Also, too much 
stimulation for some children can do more harm than good.  Be 
aware of how much your child can handle.  In the meantime, 
humor often works well and is a good distraction.  Under no 
circumstances though should a child be allowed to hurt anyone 
or destroy property. 

The third type of tantrum is when children are waking from a nap 
and have difficulty making the transition from sleep.  They often 
become confused and disoriented which is upsetting.  In this 
situation, it is best just to understand what’s happening and to 
be in close proximity.  Sometimes all you can do is let them go 
through it until they calm down. 

If we as parents are well rested and our own needs are being met, 
we’re much better equipped for most things that come our way, 
including temper tantrums.  

Barb Desmarais
Parenting and Life Coach  
Give your children your best so that they can become their best. 
Phone:  604-524-1783
email: mailto:barb@theparentingcoach.com
web site:  http://www.theparentingcoach.com