Life has a way of challenging us with the unexpected. A deal 
falls through at the last minute. An employee quits when we need 
him most. We lose our most important account without warning. No 
matter how hard we try to control life's circumstances, these 
unforeseen difficulties sneak up on us just when everything seems 
to be going smoothly. 

Your psychological default mode--that is, your typical reaction 
or response to life's unpleasant complications--can either 
contribute to or detract from your level of success.  It can also 
directly affect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. 

Often our psychological default mode is such a habit that we 
aren't even consciously aware of it. When we take a good look 
at how we typically respond to life's unexpected troubles, we 
discover a lot about ourselves, and open the door to the 
possibility of change. Just like the default mode on your 
computer, you can reset your own default mode if it isn't 
getting you the results you desire. 

What follows are descriptions of five common default mode 
patterns. Keep in mind that we may demonstrate these patterns to 
a greater or lesser degree. Also, one person may exhibit any 
combination of these tendencies. Later in this article, we will 
look at how you can reset your personal default mode. 


FIVE COMMON DEFAULT MODE PATTERNS

1. The Blamer Mode. Here we look to assign blame for whatever has 
gone wrong. Instead of seeking positive ways to resolve an 
unpleasant situation, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to 
determine who is at fault. This default mode tends to provoke 
defensiveness in others.

2. The Victim Mode. Here we react to our misfortune by concluding 
that we have been unfairly targeted by others or life itself. We 
may engage in self pity (Why me?) and lament about how badly we 
are being treated. Due to our feelings of powerlessness, we may 
fail to take effective action.

3. The Fighter Mode. Here we become angered by life's setbacks, 
and vow to do battle with whomever or whatever has caused the 
problem. We need to win, and see life's unexpected difficulties 
as a temporary loss that must be avenged in the game of life. 
This default mode tends to blind us to alternative perspectives 
which can be helpful in resolving a problem.

4. The Perfectionist Mode. Here we turn inward and attack the 
self. We use life's inevitable upsets as an excuse to criticize 
ourselves beyond measure. We view every disappointing situation 
as a personal failure and focus exclusively on our own mistakes 
or shortcomings. We may become paralyzed by our negative self-
analysis.

5. The Responder Mode. Here we assess our current challenge and 
calmly devise a plan of action. We remain focused on finding and 
implementing the best solution for the situation we face. We 
avoid the traps of attaching blame, feeling victimized, becoming 
enraged, or attacking the self. Instead, we consider what went 
wrong, make adjustments to reduce the likelihood that the same 
problem will reoccur, and take responsible action to minimize 
losses and maximize gains. This default mode tends to engender 
respect and cooperation among coworkers. 


RESETTING YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFAULT MODE

So, how do you reset your psychological default mode, if your 
current way of reacting or responding to life's challenges isn't 
working for you? Here are seven steps you can take to change your 
response patterns. 

1. Establish your intention to change. Write down a description 
of the new behavior you wish to demonstrate, and tell yourself 
this is your intended goal. Post your written intentions 
somewhere so you can read it everyday.

2. Activate your imagination.  Take a few minutes every day to 
visualize yourself responding in the new way. Your imagination is 
a powerful tool for activating the changes you desire.

3. Find a role model. Is there a person who demonstrates the 
default mode you would most like to emulate?  When faced with a 
difficult situation, ask yourself, "How would ________ handle 
this challenge?" 

4. Monitor yourself. Notice your reaction patterns. Watch, but 
don't judge what you see in yourself. Be a neutral observer of 
your own behavior.

5. Heal old wounds. Sometimes our emotional reactivity is due to 
unresolved situations from our past. By healing and releasing the 
past, we can deactivate emotional triggers and free ourselves to 
respond differently in the present. 

6. Celebrate your successes. Every time you consciously choose to 
behave differently, give yourself a big pat on the back. Focus on 
the positive changes you are making, however small, and watch 
them multiply.  

7. Be patient. It takes a little time to change an old habit. 
Just know if you keep at it, you will succeed. Maintain your 
focus on how you want to behave, and you will eventually find it 
quite natural to respond in the new way when life's unexpected 
challenges present themselves. 

Eve Delunas, Ph.D., psychotherapist, author, speaker, trainer 
Offers proven strategies to help you rise above your limitations 
and soar. Breaking the Spell of the Past--Book and Guided 
Visualization CD set. Take a FREE QUIZ to find out if you are 
SPELLBOUND by your past. Download a FREE guided meditation to 
relieve stress and feel more peaceful. Sign up for a FREE 
monthly ezine called AWAKENING INNER VISION: RESOURCES FOR 
ENLIGHTENMENT. Go to: http://www.innervisionresources.com  
Write to: mailto:eve@innervisionresources.com