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Why Didn't He Call
Copyright (c) 2004-2023 Carol Chanel
I have many clients who are single and ask me to help them understand certain dating issues.
One reoccurring issue is why someone they are dating just stops calling.
Perhaps they’ve been out on four dates and certainly if they’ve met on-line they’ve spent time emailing and probably talking on the phone. And then the person just disappears.
By the way, this situation is true in business for entrepreneurs with potential clients, with salespeople for prospects, and for children making new friends.
CLIENT QUESTIONS
I get asked these questions:
‘Is he / she rude?’ Feels like it. ‘Or crazy?’ Maybe. ‘Did they find someone better?’ I doubt it. ‘Is it possible that I did something wrong?’ Let’s look, but it’s doubtful. ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ NO, absolutely not!
Isn’t it interesting that when someone behaves in a way considered to be unkind, or unacceptable that the inevitable question comes back to YOU?
The healthier question is – ‘Why isn’t he being more considerate? I wonder what caused him to stop calling? Something must be going on with him.’
Because unless you hit him or her over the head with your laptop, or used inappropriate language in front of his child, or were verbally or emotionally abusive, then no one deserves to be treated inconsiderately.
And a lack of communication - not calling - is a lack of consideration. It’s unkind, cowardly, creates bad karma, and most of all, it hurts the individual’s heart and soul.
You can’t move up the ladder of evolution, raise your consciousness level, if you are going around being unkind and cowardly.
DON’T CALL HIM
Whatever you do, don’t call the man! If he is interested he’ll call you. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you are going to feel badly about yourself. I may be old fashioned and I believe men like to do the calling. My husband agrees and so do my male clients. They say that if they’re interested, they’ll call.
Again, there are always exceptions. If you must call, then call only once and just to let the man know that you are concerned about him and hope all is well.
THE EGO – DON’T LISTEN TO IT
And let’s get back to the way my clients sometimes feel. The part that has them ‘take it personally.’ That’s the ego. The mind. Bringing up all the old stuff, from childhood, or teen years. Or a recent break up. It could be a previous trauma the ego or mind will bring up to remind you that you have the problem. Don’t listen to it.
We all have things we can improve on. We are all moving up the ladder of consciousness at our own pace.
Don’t let your ego tell you that you are to blame. Take a healthy, honest look to see what you can improve on and come up with a plan to make those changes.
Take a look at the possibility of being in a long-term relationship with someone who won’t communicate. Forget it. It’s impossible.
IT’S THEIR PROBLEM AND YOUR GIFT
So if a man or woman you are dating disappears without any communication it’s their problem. And you are so fortunate to know now, not later when you are really invested in the relationship.
The person is giving you a gift. Don’t use that gift to feel badly about yourself. Let it inform you of who the person is – not right for you.
Then thank God for the gift and move on. It’s really that simple. You are not a victim!
Now if this happens a lot then you want to look at why you are attracting this type of person and pattern. What are you trying to learn by having this pattern reappear in your life?
And again, you want to look objectively and not from the standpoint of being a victim. Remember, you can either be a victim of your circumstances or victorious in your learning.
WHAT’S YOUR LEARNING
Let’s take a look for a moment at why you might be attracting this pattern.
Your father didn’t communicate and you think that’s the way men are.
Your father talked all the time and it drove you and your mother crazy.
There is a place in your life where you aren’t communicating either to yourself or someone else or both.
You really are afraid of the intimacy in relationships and so by attracting men like this you know you can avoid the discomfort of facing your fears.
You are used to being the person who doesn’t ever have a significant other, in other words – maybe there’s a little bit of “poor me, I’m all alone.”
There are many possibilities.
Don’t choose those possibilities! You have a choice! Choose what you want!
Take an honest look. Go to a coach, hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, friend, family member, minister, someone who will be honest with you and help you look. What do you notice? What sounds right?
Get some help so that you can have the love you deserve. Love is our gift from the Divine Source, the greatest gift. You don’t have to live without it.
Get help for your fears. And most importantly don’t blame yourself. Open up to the possibility of being different. Choose to have the most fabulous loving, communicative person in your life.
Know one thing – there isn’t anything wrong with you. You are a child of the Divine. You are precious and loved. Choose to believe that and then
imagine the possibilities...
© Carol C. Chanel 2004-2005 Certified Life Coach, C.P.C.C.
|
Carol Chanel is a Certified Life Coach who helps people get
UNSTUCK, have healthy, joyful relationships, improve their love
lives and feel great. Carol works with people by phone, from all
over the world; and writes an ezine, Rockin’ Relationships, to
guide people through the challenges of relationships.
You can contact her at:
http://www.carolchanel.com
mailto:carol.chanel@thephantomwriters.com
310-998-8860
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