I have many clients who are single and ask me to help them
understand certain dating issues.
One reoccurring issue is why someone they are dating just stops
calling.
Perhaps they’ve been out on four dates and certainly if they’ve
met on-line they’ve spent time emailing and probably talking on
the phone. And then the person just disappears.
By the way, this situation is true in business for entrepreneurs
with potential clients, with salespeople for prospects, and for
children making new friends.
CLIENT QUESTIONS
I get asked these questions:
‘Is he / she rude?’ Feels like it. ‘Or crazy?’ Maybe. ‘Did
they find someone better?’ I doubt it. ‘Is it possible that I
did something wrong?’ Let’s look, but it’s doubtful. ‘Is there
something wrong with me?’ NO, absolutely not!
Isn’t it interesting that when someone behaves in a way
considered to be unkind, or unacceptable that the inevitable
question comes back to YOU?
The healthier question is – ‘Why isn’t he being more
considerate? I wonder what caused him to stop calling?
Something must be going on with him.’
Because unless you hit him or her over the head with your laptop,
or used inappropriate language in front of his child, or were
verbally or emotionally abusive, then no one deserves to be
treated inconsiderately.
And a lack of communication - not calling - is a lack of
consideration. It’s unkind, cowardly, creates bad karma,
and most of all, it hurts the individual’s heart and soul.
You can’t move up the ladder of evolution, raise your
consciousness level, if you are going around being unkind
and cowardly.
DON’T CALL HIM
Whatever you do, don’t call the man! If he is interested he’ll
call you. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you are going
to feel badly about yourself. I may be old fashioned and I
believe men like to do the calling. My husband agrees and so do
my male clients. They say that if they’re interested, they’ll
call.
Again, there are always exceptions. If you must call, then call
only once and just to let the man know that you are concerned
about him and hope all is well.
THE EGO – DON’T LISTEN TO IT
And let’s get back to the way my clients sometimes feel. The
part that has them ‘take it personally.’ That’s the ego. The
mind. Bringing up all the old stuff, from childhood, or teen
years. Or a recent break up. It could be a previous trauma
the ego or mind will bring up to remind you that you have the
problem. Don’t listen to it.
We all have things we can improve on. We are all moving up the
ladder of consciousness at our own pace.
Don’t let your ego tell you that you are to blame. Take a
healthy, honest look to see what you can improve on and come
up with a plan to make those changes.
Take a look at the possibility of being in a long-term
relationship with someone who won’t communicate. Forget it.
It’s impossible.
IT’S THEIR PROBLEM AND YOUR GIFT
So if a man or woman you are dating disappears without any
communication it’s their problem. And you are so fortunate
to know now, not later when you are really invested in the
relationship.
The person is giving you a gift. Don’t use that gift to feel
badly about yourself. Let it inform you of who the person is
– not right for you.
Then thank God for the gift and move on. It’s really that
simple. You are not a victim!
Now if this happens a lot then you want to look at why you are
attracting this type of person and pattern. What are you trying
to learn by having this pattern reappear in your life?
And again, you want to look objectively and not from the
standpoint of being a victim. Remember, you can either be a
victim of your circumstances or victorious in your learning.
WHAT’S YOUR LEARNING
Let’s take a look for a moment at why you might be attracting
this pattern.
Your father didn’t communicate and you think that’s the way men
are.
Your father talked all the time and it drove you and your mother
crazy.
There is a place in your life where you aren’t communicating
either to yourself or someone else or both.
You really are afraid of the intimacy in relationships and so by
attracting men like this you know you can avoid the discomfort
of facing your fears.
You are used to being the person who doesn’t ever have a
significant other, in other words – maybe there’s a little bit
of “poor me, I’m all alone.”
There are many possibilities.
Don’t choose those possibilities! You have a choice! Choose
what you want!
Take an honest look. Go to a coach, hypnotherapist,
psychotherapist, friend, family member, minister, someone who
will be honest with you and help you look. What do you notice?
What sounds right?
Get some help so that you can have the love you deserve. Love
is our gift from the Divine Source, the greatest gift. You
don’t have to live without it.
Get help for your fears. And most importantly don’t blame
yourself. Open up to the possibility of being different.
Choose to have the most fabulous loving, communicative person
in your life.
Know one thing – there isn’t anything wrong with you. You are
a child of the Divine. You are precious and loved. Choose to
believe that and then
imagine the possibilities...
© Carol C. Chanel 2004-2005
Certified Life Coach, C.P.C.C.
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