We all tell ourselves lies, about ourselves. I cringed when I
first thought about it. But we all do it. Tell ourselves things
about ourselves that aren’t true.
You know the voice that says, ‘I’m insecure’ or ‘I don’t know how
to handle money’ or ‘I’m no good at making friends’ or ‘I’ll
never be successful’ or ‘I’m a loser.’ We make up lies about
ourselves and the problem is those thoughts – lies – keep us
stuck.
What is the lie you’re telling yourself? And why is it
devastating to your life?
STAR EXAMPLE
What if Hilary Swank had told herself she couldn’t act? What if
she had told herself she was a loser after getting fired from the
TV show 90210. Hilary Swank is a high school dropout and
considered to be the best actress ever by Clint Eastwood. What
if instead of following her dream she had listened to lies?
She got the part for the movie ‘Boys Don’t Cry Oscar’ and won an
Oscar after getting fired from 90210. If you’ve seen her in
‘Million Dollar Baby’ you know she’s done it again – listened to
her heart not to any lies.
CLIENT EXAMPLE
I’m coaching a wonderful 45-year-old woman – Helen - who told me
and herself that she was dependent and needed others to take care
of her. Now when I listen to her and connect with her I don’t
pick up dependent.
I feel and hear the strength in her that she has forgotten is
there.
And Helen wanted to travel, take workshops, cooking classes,
maybe even move to another city. But she was afraid to do those
things on her own.
So as we explored this story / lie she began to realize that the
story of being dependent came from her mother who was very
domineering and wanted to control Helen. She managed to do just
that, and Helen let her.
So let’s look in more detail at what happened and how Helen dealt
with it.
Her mother had been controlling and told Helen she couldn’t do
anything on her own. She criticized and judged her; told her she
was incompetent, lazy and stupid and could never amount to
anything. She better stick around and let her mother take care
of her, otherwise she would need to marry a man to take care of
her.
So Helen remained ‘dependent’ on her mother. She began to
believe the lies her mother told her and eventually told herself
the same lie – ‘I’m dependent.’ ‘I’m not like other people, I
can’t do things on my own.’ Like take a vacation alone, or go to
a workshop in another city, much less live in another city.
After her mother died, Helen married a man who treated her just
like her mother. He really eroded her self-confidence. Even
though she eventually divorced him she still didn’t believe she
could be independent.
Whenever she wanted to do something for herself, the ‘lie’ – ‘I’m
dependent’ would come up and keep her from doing what she wanted
to do.
In order to get her unstuck, we revealed the lie and looked at
all the times and things she had done in her life that indicated
she wasn’t dependent on others.
After all, she had divorced her husband, gone to college and
lived on campus. She had changed jobs several times to move up
and she was smart.
There were many examples. She just didn’t acknowledge them
because she was looking at everything from the perspective of
‘I’m dependent.’
Once she realized she had done things that a truly dependent
woman wouldn’t have done, she changed her perspective from ‘I’m
dependent’ to ‘I’m independent and I can make it on my own and
it’s okay, even healthy, to ask friends for help when necessary.’
WHAT’S YOUR LIE?
Is it: ‘I’ll never get married’ or ‘I’ll never be happy’ or
‘I’ll never be able to buy a house in California’ or ‘I’m not
good enough to get hired for a job I really want?’
Whatever your dream is, if you aren’t living it, check in with
yourself and see if you are telling yourself a lie that is
blocking you and keeping you stuck.
Do you want a new career, a new relationship, a better paying
job, a different job with fun people, a new wardrobe or to go on
an exotic vacation?
If you aren’t actively working towards something meaningful, you
might be telling yourself a lie that is keeping you from having
that in your life.
HOW DO YOU MOVE FROM LIE TO TRUTH?
So the first step is to uncover your story / lie. Once you’ve
done that, look at the negative statement underneath the story.
That’s the lie. Then admit that it’s a lie.
Someone may have told you that lie, or you may have formed it to
protect yourself, or to keep yourself from taking a risk. It can
help to know the reason and right now we are focusing on the
actual lie.
Once you’ve uncovered the lie, look to see a new perspective you
can choose to stand in.
What would God say about you, what would your angels say, or your
best friend, or a loving grandmother or grandfather?
Choose their perspective and stand in that perspective. Throw
the lie out.
God, Source, Spirit whatever you want to call the divine, didn’t
create an imperfect, flawed human being. We create that with our
lies.
You are a child of God, Spirit, Source and that makes you
perfect, connected and loved.
So give that love back to yourself. Get up and take an action
step toward having what you want. And when, and if, the lie pops
up again tell it to get lost. It’s just a lie. It’s not the
truth. You are a precious child of the divine. That’s the
truth.
Get moving!
Imagine the possibilities...
© Carol C. Chanel,
2005 Certified Life Coach
C.P.C.C.
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