The other night I watched the Jack Nicholson-Diane Keaton
romantic comedy, ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ for the third time.
I wondered what I liked about the movie that motivated me to
watch it so many times.
Sure the writing and the acting is first rate, the locations are
spectacular and seeing Jack Nicholson in a comedic role is always
a treat and Keanu Reeves is a pleasure to look at.
And I finally figured out what was so great. How the characters
played by Nicholson and Keaton handled the break up of their
brief, intense, highly charged and unusual (for both of them)
relationship.
They felt something they may not have felt before and it impacted
them in ways that encouraged them to make major changes in their
lives.
What they felt was love. And then they both felt the
accompanying pain when love doesn’t fit into the structure we
think it should.
She turned her pain into creativity and wrote a funny play about
their relationship.
He decided to clean up his life and jumped on a plane to Paris to
find her.
It’s so fabulous what pain can spark in our lives. You can blast
off into a new dimension.
What do you do when a relationship ends? What do you do with the
pain, the grief and the power of those emotions?
PAIN IS POWERFUL
Pain can be a great motivator. After all it lets us know we’re
alive. It keeps us awake. And crying can be so cleansing for
the soul. That deep crying that leaves you exhausted and yet in
touch at a deep level with your truth.
Do you notice how sensitive you are to your feelings and the
feelings of others when you realize you’re in love and it doesn’t
look like it will work out? The pain that hits you in the
stomach and leaves you feeling so vulnerable.
From that place – that vulnerable place – comes your truth, your
compassion, and best of all, feeling love. Really feeling it.
CLIENTS BREAKUPS
When my clients break up from any relationship, let’s stick to a
romantic one here, I help them process their pain and then help
them learn so much about themselves.
It often looks to other people like they were crazy to have dated
that person, crazy to have fallen in love with that person.
Couldn’t they see that person was so wrong for them?
Friends don’t want to see you hurting. But somewhere deep inside
yourself you know the truth. That feeling love like this is a
good thing – even the pain for a short period of time.
LIVING YOUR LIFE
Feeling love let’s you know you’re alive. You didn’t sit on the
sidelines watching other people live their lives; you got out
there and lived yours.
Sure it hurts when a relationship doesn’t work out. But whose
standards are you using for ‘it didn’t work out?’
Not everyone we meet and date can or even should be our spouse.
And what’s so wrong with finding out that you love someone with
all your heart and soul and they aren’t the person you want to
marry and live with forever?
Does that in any way negate the love, the connection? NO! Why
does every relationship have to be a serious committed one?
Doesn’t each person we are with teach us something wonderful?
Something valuable? YES!! They really do. Look deeper.
Don’t go into ‘poor me’ or ‘untrusting woman’ or ‘pitiful guy’
mode! Please do nurture yourself but don’t go into victim and
shut down. That is not the purpose of any relationship.
Our heroine in the movie realized she could enjoy male company,
young and old. She became wildly creative and alive. She was
already successful and became even more so. And she came alive
as a woman!
Our hero learned he did have a desire to be with a woman who
understood him, was at his level and was his soul mate. Pretty
powerful for a confirmed bachelor. He learned to cry, to feel,
to love.
So if you’ve just broken up with someone or vice versa, please
allow yourself a few days or weeks to grieve. Nurture yourself.
Then with all that vulnerability, truth and love look, to see
what you’ve just learned. What wonderful thing came from that
relationship? Can you still be friends and do things together?
Maybe, maybe not. You’ll know.
Don’t take your pain out on your friends, co-workers, family or
pets.
Do put the power of that energy to work for you. That energy is
so powerful. It can be constructive. You can use it to create,
to contribute, to serve, to Set Your Spirit Free.
Choose to be open, alive, vulnerable and trusting and get back
out there again to live and love. Let all that love in your
heart overflow. You don’t have to get back into a relationship
and you will be so glad when you do something wonderful and
constructive with the love in your heart.
Make a contribution to your life and to others. Blast off!
Set your spirit free!
You are love. Feel it, live it, give it.
© Carol C. Chanel,
2005 Certified Life Coach
C.P.C.C.
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