All children are different and respond differently to divorce.
Depending on the characteristics of the children - age,
emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier
or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
As a parent, you should know your children better than
anyone...use your best judgment with your children during
considering divorce. This "divorce and children" article is for
parents who are certain that they would get a divorce if they
didn't have children and want to decide what to think about
regarding the effects a divorce would have on their children.
Children of divorced parents can actually live wonderful lives
as long as the parents use proper judgment and create the right
types of interactions between themselves and with each other.
This article on this web page does not suggest that divorce is
the correct course of action for you and it in no way should be
taken as a form of counseling to you. This article is merely to
spark you to think logically and then make your own decision
about divorce and your children.
As previously stated, every child is different and subsequently,
every child responds to divorce in a different way.
If you think there's a definitive answer about how divorce
affects children, you are mistaken. There's been hundreds of
books written about this subject and a plethora of studies
done regarding divorce and children, all citing differing
opinions and using different statistical constraints and inputs.
But, statistics can only go so far...if you know your children
better than anyone else, you will know best how they'll be
affected by a divorce.
How divorce affects children and what you should do if you're
staying married solely because you have children is complicated
issue.
~ Here's some things you may want to consider if you're ~
~ a parent who is staying married just because you have ~
~ children:
Divorce and Children Consideration 1:
Make sure that you are, in fact, only staying married just
because you have children.
Often times people use the children as an excuse not to get a
divorce because they aren't really sure that they want a divorce
or have some other fear regarding divorce. Those fears can be
present due to finance, self-confidence, living arrangements,
or other personal issues.
Before you really take the next steps in deciding whether or not
to get a divorce because of your children, rank your reasons for
divorce and make sure that you're really certain you'd get a
divorce if you didn't have children.
Children and Divorce Consideration 2:
Make sure 'guilt' isn't the real reason that you aren't getting
a divorce.
The 'guilt' referenced above is the guilt brought on by thinking
that your divorce will hurt your children. In and of itself,
this feeling of guilt is a selfish one if you haven't really
examined carefully if a divorce will have an adverse effect on
your children. If you aren't getting divorced because of guilt
in this regard, but you still have an unhappy marriage that is
affecting your children, then you aren't really staying married
for them, you're staying married for you because you feel
guilty...this is selfish.
Children and Divorce Consideration 3:
Once you've clearly defined that you are in fact, not getting a
divorce solely because you have children, examine why you think
divorce will adversely affect your children.
Remember, divorce can have a negative effect on children
initially, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a divorce
will be a negative influence on your children forever.
Decide whether or not your children have the resiliency, the
intelligence, the emotional health, and the support they'd need
to mitigate the adverse effects that a divorce would have on
them. Will they be happy after the initial shock of the divorce
is worked through?
Children and Divorce Consideration 4:
Once you've really defined what you believe to be negative
effects on your children due to divorce, think about what your
children's life will be like in the immediate and distant
future if you do actually go through with the divorce.
Ask yourself, "Can I create and maintain a healthy environment
for my children if I do get a divorce?"
One thing that is a critical factor in this decision is the
feasibility of you and your spouse getting a divorce amicably.
If you and your spouse can go through a divorce amicably, and
you both can agree to always put your children's welfare above
your own, you will be one step ahead.
Again, make sure you are certain a divorce is necessary to
create the right type of environment for your children. Assure
that there is absolutely no way you can rekindle your marriage.
Usually, divorce represents the first real trauma of a child's
life. Keep this in mind when your making your divorce decision.
Divorce is a serious step and nothing should be done until
your're certain that divorce is the best course of action.
Getting a divorce without making sure that divorce is the right
thing is selfish on your part and is the wrong thing to do to
your children...after all, they deserve your best effort!
One thing should remain constant...that you and your spouse
will always be there for your children, no matter what.
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